so I guess its time for a new update... I was hoping to get a little more advice about my current situation.
there are two events that have made me think about this girl more than I should have.
1# I wrote a song about it... and it turned out ot be our best song in our catalogue right now. So we play it at least 3 times during a practise and everytime I just keep remembering what had happened, which makes me think about her which also makes my self-esteem go downhill.
2# Today at work I made the fool idea of trying to plan getting in contact again, for 8 hours I thought out cenarios and situations like some obessesed weird-o... but then thats kinda what I do is think and plan out cenarios and situations with anything I do. It started to become this mental battle and I felt like luis from Interview with the Vampire .... trying to convince myself not to do something I know I inevitably have to do. I did come to the conclusion that I have to go talk with her if not for a peace of mind and to put this behind me. Im just too much of a dork and a douche which makes me far too nervous.
and for the record... heres an abridged version of what went down between us. It was the Senior trip and we started hanging out, we were both into music and the same type of music, we were both punky and I had always seen her around and thought wow she was really cute, so naturally when she started to take an interest in me I started to take a huge interest in her. There were two guys on the trip that were considered "meat" for the bevy of girls on the trip... me and this other guy. On the last day of the trip we had all snuck out and went around Rome streets (Rome was where we were) without supervision. Me and her started walking around arm in arm sometimes holding hands so I thought sweet and started talking to her about starting something up when we got back. She had a BF at the time and was going to break up with him because he was cheating on her. that night I had bought her a blue rose and she called me a temporary boyfriend or something like that I was younger and more niave and really excited that this amazingly beautiful girl that I had a lot in common with was interested in me. Then things got a little sketchy and the other guy who was bigger than me "took care of the situation" and when we got back to the hotel one of the other girls on the trip had told me that she had asked him to go out with her when they got back and I accidentaly seen them making out, they also pretended that they weren't doing anything at the end of the night when they were around me. Then the next day she proudly presented the rose that I bought her walking around hand in hand with the other guy and telling people that he had bought her that rose.
So that sucked and I was pretty depressed about that.
they broke up a week later and she told me she didn't know I liked her.... then we hung out one time and looking back I get the feeling she was trying to get me to ask her out and then from there contact just broke off I remember seeing her around the halls and she'd smile at me sort of like worriedly like she'd wonder if I still liked her at all .... but I did. but she got backtogether with el cheato and I never got another shot at starting anything with her..
bascially I let myself get lead on and shot down and lead myself on afterwards.
I don't know you might think less of me now or who knows ... I don't really care.... only a handful of people acctually read my journal anymore.
peace, love and soul
Scattershot.
music: Taking Back Sunday - A decade under the influence
mood: I kinda feel like my mind is falling apart but not just because of the above.
there are two events that have made me think about this girl more than I should have.
1# I wrote a song about it... and it turned out ot be our best song in our catalogue right now. So we play it at least 3 times during a practise and everytime I just keep remembering what had happened, which makes me think about her which also makes my self-esteem go downhill.
2# Today at work I made the fool idea of trying to plan getting in contact again, for 8 hours I thought out cenarios and situations like some obessesed weird-o... but then thats kinda what I do is think and plan out cenarios and situations with anything I do. It started to become this mental battle and I felt like luis from Interview with the Vampire .... trying to convince myself not to do something I know I inevitably have to do. I did come to the conclusion that I have to go talk with her if not for a peace of mind and to put this behind me. Im just too much of a dork and a douche which makes me far too nervous.
and for the record... heres an abridged version of what went down between us. It was the Senior trip and we started hanging out, we were both into music and the same type of music, we were both punky and I had always seen her around and thought wow she was really cute, so naturally when she started to take an interest in me I started to take a huge interest in her. There were two guys on the trip that were considered "meat" for the bevy of girls on the trip... me and this other guy. On the last day of the trip we had all snuck out and went around Rome streets (Rome was where we were) without supervision. Me and her started walking around arm in arm sometimes holding hands so I thought sweet and started talking to her about starting something up when we got back. She had a BF at the time and was going to break up with him because he was cheating on her. that night I had bought her a blue rose and she called me a temporary boyfriend or something like that I was younger and more niave and really excited that this amazingly beautiful girl that I had a lot in common with was interested in me. Then things got a little sketchy and the other guy who was bigger than me "took care of the situation" and when we got back to the hotel one of the other girls on the trip had told me that she had asked him to go out with her when they got back and I accidentaly seen them making out, they also pretended that they weren't doing anything at the end of the night when they were around me. Then the next day she proudly presented the rose that I bought her walking around hand in hand with the other guy and telling people that he had bought her that rose.
So that sucked and I was pretty depressed about that.
they broke up a week later and she told me she didn't know I liked her.... then we hung out one time and looking back I get the feeling she was trying to get me to ask her out and then from there contact just broke off I remember seeing her around the halls and she'd smile at me sort of like worriedly like she'd wonder if I still liked her at all .... but I did. but she got backtogether with el cheato and I never got another shot at starting anything with her..
bascially I let myself get lead on and shot down and lead myself on afterwards.
I don't know you might think less of me now or who knows ... I don't really care.... only a handful of people acctually read my journal anymore.
peace, love and soul
Scattershot.
music: Taking Back Sunday - A decade under the influence
mood: I kinda feel like my mind is falling apart but not just because of the above.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
ophelia:
That's icky. Girls can be so lame sometimes 
rustgiraffe:
awww thanks hun! i don't care about not getting put up..it's just the looking at how hot all those girls are..makes me feel ugly and blah. hope you are feeling a little better. 