Problem averted or at least delayed.
but, I do owe an explanation I suppose... but I did already write something about what had happened on Hopesfall, Ryan, and RxQueen's respective journals .. but for the 10s of Scattershot fans out there... here is what has happened... in the past day or two.
It was my turn to record for Even When Empty's upcoming CD. I was pretty nervous leading up to it.. in fact all week I was wondering if I could do it, if I could do it properly, if people would like. In retrospect maybe I psyched myself out ... But as it was the guys in the band brought some friends to watch me record. Which was no different from a practise session, we'd usually have some of our guitar players friends there.
I go into the vocal booth which is really an emotionless white box with little pin holes in it everywhere and a mic. Paul the recording guy staring back at me with his annoying voice speaking into the mic trying to make me laugh to loosen me up so to speak. "Hey uh Scattershot I like your dick" he'd say... to which I'd respond "Hey thanks paul it doesn't get a lot of compliments" Everyone really laughed at that one .. har har. Anyways I do the first song "If there was a picture of it it'd look really good" and it sounded like I was nervous .. which I was. The notes were good but the emotion wasn't there.
On a side note I picked the wrong song to introduce this guy to my vocal style. This song has a mix of screaming and singing and goes back and forth in it.
.... So paul says try it again do another take. Same thing. (*Note* I went into this without a warm up... I've have never acctually warmed up my voice) So Paul says hey you're scream is incredible... fucking incredible like definatley the best in Ontario, maybe even North America. So Im impressed with myself. So paul says ... lets try screaming the whole song. (I knew this would happen.) So I do it.
...then the shit hits the fan. Paul starts playing us against eachother knowing full well that hardcore isn't the way we want to go as a whole but we want to have that heavy-ness but we want a lot of melody as well. Paul says to the guys in the band and not to me. With Scattershot singing you won't go anywhere but with him screaming everything you'll be the best band to have come in here doing that style of music. hmmmmmm
Jamie: "Im wishing we had just left Scattershot out the first time we kicked him"
Meanwhile Im stuck thinking fuck.. I've let them down.. fuck I've let myself down... fuck they're gonna kick me out of the band. The biggest part of my life and I felt it slipping away.
... and they gave up on me. For the sake of Paul the recording guy I screamed the entire CD .. twice to double track it. Surprisingly my throat didn't even hurt, just my jaw from moving so much.
On the outs everyone left me pretty fast to go home. Mike the drummer a supporter of me and one of the nicest guys I've ever met gave me a ride home and we talked about what was going to happen and neither one of us knew what.
.... this was when I wrote the entry. I blew it. I let myself down, and I let the band down.. and I felt like I was loosing a big part of myself ... what else was I going to do with myself that I would be able to express myself like that.
TODAY. I got a call early in the morning from Jamie saying we were going to have a meeting about the future of our band and where we were going to go. We were toying around with the idea of becoming like an Alexisonfire, or a From Autumn to Ashes, or an Atreyu and have me just scream and have either jamie or mike pick up the melodies.
but in the meeting we had decided a number of factors came into play on me fucking up.
1) I was nervous as shit.. need to bring out and inner confidence that I posses but don't bring out enough.
2) I only had 3 takes wihtout warm up. I was under-estimated and quickly shoved out of the vocal position. With time Im sure I could have gotten it.
3) Paul is a fan of really heavy music and probably didn't like my singing voice.. but we aren't paying paul to like our music.
So tomorrow I go to practise and I get my ass kicked. It'll be like going back to the begining but maybe thats what I need to get confident.
we still have our first show on April 8th at least.
today was honestly the shittiest day of my life. I felt alone, useless, unliked, unsignifigant, and I felt like hiding away from the world for the rest of my life. Confusion and Anxiety fucking suck. And my "friends" just told me .... you know you get upset too much. My friends have stopped being sympathetic except for one friend who heard me talk about it and acctually offered advice and comfort. Thank you. (but shes not on the site)
but to RXqueen, hopesfall, and ryan.. whether you read it or not I at least posted in your journal my story (shorter form) so at least in a way you guys listened.. which was hella-cool.
Thats all for now. More updates to come... I suppose.
Oh yeah this does mean that the CD will be delayed for those of you who want me to send you one.
music: Killswitch Engage - Rose of Sharyn
Mood: Happy that I still have the most important thing in my life right now... strangely concerned about the effects this will have on it in the future.
but, I do owe an explanation I suppose... but I did already write something about what had happened on Hopesfall, Ryan, and RxQueen's respective journals .. but for the 10s of Scattershot fans out there... here is what has happened... in the past day or two.
It was my turn to record for Even When Empty's upcoming CD. I was pretty nervous leading up to it.. in fact all week I was wondering if I could do it, if I could do it properly, if people would like. In retrospect maybe I psyched myself out ... But as it was the guys in the band brought some friends to watch me record. Which was no different from a practise session, we'd usually have some of our guitar players friends there.
I go into the vocal booth which is really an emotionless white box with little pin holes in it everywhere and a mic. Paul the recording guy staring back at me with his annoying voice speaking into the mic trying to make me laugh to loosen me up so to speak. "Hey uh Scattershot I like your dick" he'd say... to which I'd respond "Hey thanks paul it doesn't get a lot of compliments" Everyone really laughed at that one .. har har. Anyways I do the first song "If there was a picture of it it'd look really good" and it sounded like I was nervous .. which I was. The notes were good but the emotion wasn't there.
On a side note I picked the wrong song to introduce this guy to my vocal style. This song has a mix of screaming and singing and goes back and forth in it.
.... So paul says try it again do another take. Same thing. (*Note* I went into this without a warm up... I've have never acctually warmed up my voice) So Paul says hey you're scream is incredible... fucking incredible like definatley the best in Ontario, maybe even North America. So Im impressed with myself. So paul says ... lets try screaming the whole song. (I knew this would happen.) So I do it.
...then the shit hits the fan. Paul starts playing us against eachother knowing full well that hardcore isn't the way we want to go as a whole but we want to have that heavy-ness but we want a lot of melody as well. Paul says to the guys in the band and not to me. With Scattershot singing you won't go anywhere but with him screaming everything you'll be the best band to have come in here doing that style of music. hmmmmmm
Jamie: "Im wishing we had just left Scattershot out the first time we kicked him"
Meanwhile Im stuck thinking fuck.. I've let them down.. fuck I've let myself down... fuck they're gonna kick me out of the band. The biggest part of my life and I felt it slipping away.
... and they gave up on me. For the sake of Paul the recording guy I screamed the entire CD .. twice to double track it. Surprisingly my throat didn't even hurt, just my jaw from moving so much.
On the outs everyone left me pretty fast to go home. Mike the drummer a supporter of me and one of the nicest guys I've ever met gave me a ride home and we talked about what was going to happen and neither one of us knew what.
.... this was when I wrote the entry. I blew it. I let myself down, and I let the band down.. and I felt like I was loosing a big part of myself ... what else was I going to do with myself that I would be able to express myself like that.
TODAY. I got a call early in the morning from Jamie saying we were going to have a meeting about the future of our band and where we were going to go. We were toying around with the idea of becoming like an Alexisonfire, or a From Autumn to Ashes, or an Atreyu and have me just scream and have either jamie or mike pick up the melodies.
but in the meeting we had decided a number of factors came into play on me fucking up.
1) I was nervous as shit.. need to bring out and inner confidence that I posses but don't bring out enough.
2) I only had 3 takes wihtout warm up. I was under-estimated and quickly shoved out of the vocal position. With time Im sure I could have gotten it.
3) Paul is a fan of really heavy music and probably didn't like my singing voice.. but we aren't paying paul to like our music.
So tomorrow I go to practise and I get my ass kicked. It'll be like going back to the begining but maybe thats what I need to get confident.
we still have our first show on April 8th at least.
today was honestly the shittiest day of my life. I felt alone, useless, unliked, unsignifigant, and I felt like hiding away from the world for the rest of my life. Confusion and Anxiety fucking suck. And my "friends" just told me .... you know you get upset too much. My friends have stopped being sympathetic except for one friend who heard me talk about it and acctually offered advice and comfort. Thank you. (but shes not on the site)
but to RXqueen, hopesfall, and ryan.. whether you read it or not I at least posted in your journal my story (shorter form) so at least in a way you guys listened.. which was hella-cool.
Thats all for now. More updates to come... I suppose.
Oh yeah this does mean that the CD will be delayed for those of you who want me to send you one.
music: Killswitch Engage - Rose of Sharyn
Mood: Happy that I still have the most important thing in my life right now... strangely concerned about the effects this will have on it in the future.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
i wish
i have never met anyone that looked like me.... interesting!
[Edited on Apr 02, 2004 12:11AM]