I'm done with being an apologist...
I came to the realization that something really bad happened to me between the years of 18 until now at 21...
What was this terrible thing?
I actually started giving a fuck...
I tried to ignore this fact and deny it because it was around those ages that I actually started to indulge in all of those things that lay dormat within me for so long.
I bought my first pair of knee high boots at 18. I started painting my nails (in a color other than clear) at 19. I decided that monogamy wasn't for me a few months ago. So because of all of the strides I had made personally, I refused to believe that I actually started giving a fuck about what people thought of me... in fact, I felt that the opposite was happening.
I was wrong...
I say that because over the years, I started allowing all of the things that people said about myself and my choices get to me.
I started to think that maybe there was something wrong with being a 'slut' (as people started calling me) and that maybe I was too brash. I even started questioning why I enjoyed things like makeup and things like that in the first place.
Because of this, I began doing everything in my power not to stand out... to not draw attention to myself. And even when I went out in a way that I knew would draw attention to me, I always resented the attention I got, and secretly hated myself for going out in public like that in the first place.
Well that shit ends now...
It ends because I learned a very important lesson recently: No matter what you, people will find a reason to dislike you if they want to. Regardless of what you do, someone you know or don't know will not like you. With this in mind, I figure fuck it, I may as well be the person who makes me happy and do whatever makes me happy and if someone doesn't like it, then fuck them.
If being Julian (my real name) means that I'll lose friends but gain happiness, then so it is. Because what I've been doing before just isn't the answer...
~ Scarlett A. Diamond
I came to the realization that something really bad happened to me between the years of 18 until now at 21...
What was this terrible thing?
I actually started giving a fuck...
I tried to ignore this fact and deny it because it was around those ages that I actually started to indulge in all of those things that lay dormat within me for so long.
I bought my first pair of knee high boots at 18. I started painting my nails (in a color other than clear) at 19. I decided that monogamy wasn't for me a few months ago. So because of all of the strides I had made personally, I refused to believe that I actually started giving a fuck about what people thought of me... in fact, I felt that the opposite was happening.
I was wrong...
I say that because over the years, I started allowing all of the things that people said about myself and my choices get to me.
I started to think that maybe there was something wrong with being a 'slut' (as people started calling me) and that maybe I was too brash. I even started questioning why I enjoyed things like makeup and things like that in the first place.
Because of this, I began doing everything in my power not to stand out... to not draw attention to myself. And even when I went out in a way that I knew would draw attention to me, I always resented the attention I got, and secretly hated myself for going out in public like that in the first place.
Well that shit ends now...
It ends because I learned a very important lesson recently: No matter what you, people will find a reason to dislike you if they want to. Regardless of what you do, someone you know or don't know will not like you. With this in mind, I figure fuck it, I may as well be the person who makes me happy and do whatever makes me happy and if someone doesn't like it, then fuck them.
If being Julian (my real name) means that I'll lose friends but gain happiness, then so it is. Because what I've been doing before just isn't the answer...
~ Scarlett A. Diamond