Brandon called tonight... Out of nowhere the phone rings and hes just there
I think he's bi-polar. I think he's like my mother. Dear god, I don't think I can handle that, how can my brother be like this too.
He's so up and so down. He's always been that way, but it's getting worse. More up and down. More drinking. I think, or other things that I try very hard not to think about it.
He said he almost got married, but she made out with some guy and he told her to fuck off. I cant tell if it's real or fake. He said he's living with cool people and has a job. Im pretty sure its not real, I want so bad for it to be but its like a nagging tick, doubt..
I can't tell, I'm so torn.
I let my brother drowned. He gave in, and I gave up on him. I couldn't save him, my mother, and every other god damn person in my life. If I grabbed a hold of him he would have pulled me down. I think, maybe...
Now it's like listing to a ghost. I tell you he should be dead, but by some red tape slip up in the grim reaper department, he was never taken off the living payroll.
I look like an ass saying all this. I'm ok with that, and that makes me more of an ass. A good person, a loving person would fucking do something about it.
I want to punch the wall, I want scream. I want to him here, so i can hug him, so I can hit him, so I can take care of him, prove he didn't drown.
Pinch me, I don't want to be here. I want this to be real. I want to be asleep, so this is all a dream. It's better when it's been months since I've heard from him.
Then he slips in to ghost mode, he goes back to being underwater.
He's not treading water; he's not half way between here or there. Hes gone and I can slowly mourn.
Not now, not anymore he's real, he's breathing... He's FUCKING ALIVE, and NOT WELL.
I asked a friends mother whos an attorney, how hard it would be to have him committed. It's would be very hard unless he hurt himself, or someone else. Someone who would press charges. Then I could have him committed, get him clean, something. But only for 72 hours max Then hed be free to go or stay, plus who the fuck would pay for that? No one in my family can afford it.
But thats a pipe dream, ghosts don't go to rehab, ghosts dont get better.
Ghost don't come back... except for in tiny tiny wafts, in dark rooms.
Fuck, this just makes me feel like a horrible person.
I think he's bi-polar. I think he's like my mother. Dear god, I don't think I can handle that, how can my brother be like this too.
He's so up and so down. He's always been that way, but it's getting worse. More up and down. More drinking. I think, or other things that I try very hard not to think about it.
He said he almost got married, but she made out with some guy and he told her to fuck off. I cant tell if it's real or fake. He said he's living with cool people and has a job. Im pretty sure its not real, I want so bad for it to be but its like a nagging tick, doubt..
I can't tell, I'm so torn.
I let my brother drowned. He gave in, and I gave up on him. I couldn't save him, my mother, and every other god damn person in my life. If I grabbed a hold of him he would have pulled me down. I think, maybe...
Now it's like listing to a ghost. I tell you he should be dead, but by some red tape slip up in the grim reaper department, he was never taken off the living payroll.
I look like an ass saying all this. I'm ok with that, and that makes me more of an ass. A good person, a loving person would fucking do something about it.
I want to punch the wall, I want scream. I want to him here, so i can hug him, so I can hit him, so I can take care of him, prove he didn't drown.
Pinch me, I don't want to be here. I want this to be real. I want to be asleep, so this is all a dream. It's better when it's been months since I've heard from him.
Then he slips in to ghost mode, he goes back to being underwater.
He's not treading water; he's not half way between here or there. Hes gone and I can slowly mourn.
Not now, not anymore he's real, he's breathing... He's FUCKING ALIVE, and NOT WELL.
I asked a friends mother whos an attorney, how hard it would be to have him committed. It's would be very hard unless he hurt himself, or someone else. Someone who would press charges. Then I could have him committed, get him clean, something. But only for 72 hours max Then hed be free to go or stay, plus who the fuck would pay for that? No one in my family can afford it.
But thats a pipe dream, ghosts don't go to rehab, ghosts dont get better.
Ghost don't come back... except for in tiny tiny wafts, in dark rooms.
Fuck, this just makes me feel like a horrible person.
toneski:
Freeway 2...nice... Vincent gallo is the shit. 
