scandiarose

"Love is a many splendered thing....." ...Madame Butterfly

Listen closely you can hear my heart beating.
i smile when i think of you
i blush when i say your name.
am i too old for this schoolgirl flutter?
Ha!
i feel the tears melt away and i am young again.
sadness makes one old.
and bitter.
and hardened.
i was jaded.
Ha!
what have you...
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i rest in the shadows today.
they say no rest for the wicked ,
but what about the holy.
restless nights for all.
the earth reawakening,
shaking off the winters sleep.
if only i could.


Hurry back my beloved , i miss you.

I am a weird mother,
i confort you when you call.
i try to make right all the wrongs and misinformation.
i let you dump your troubles on me .
once in a while i get a thank you.
other times i get a $#@$%# you.
you are not kin,
yet i spoil you.
give you my best .
make things better .
once in...
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ahh the smell of roses plucked from the bush oh how sweet that you kill them just for me you wear patchouli to remind me of the grave you awakened me from and to which at dawn i shall return. and the cloves in your ciggerette remind one of the spices used to preserve my beauty even into death. i bathe in these scents enhale...
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yes i bite!

You know even tho i wasnt feeling my best today i am extremely happy. my beloved sent me a new picture and i cant help but gaze at it . he is so wonderful. yeah i know i am gushing. but deng it i'm in love. and Hon, if you reading this thank you for making me happy.

well i discovered part of my trouble with sleeping , found out i was being given a duretic at bedtime. talk about pissing the night away! i'll be ok tho i have fixed the problem. and informed my care person to never ever do it again. and hopefully i can resume a good nights sleep.

life just gets stranger and stanger, case in point. i have somehow got this guy from my workplace stalking me. he follows me around work and stares at me on the bus. so far nothing more than that . but it is annoying. yes i told my bosses about it. so they all know. but unless he does something outright they can't do much. so...
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Welp Folks pain is once again my best friend today. legs and feet are swollen. I am a bit peeved at my doctor cause he hasn't replenished my supply of lasix (flourosimide) which keeps my leg swelling down. i need to go back on verapimil cause my Blood pressure is up also. you know my parents used to say if it aint broke dont mess...
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Well to quiet the rumours I do play Ragnarok Online alot , i am addicted. either that or celebrity Deathmatch take your pic. I havent had alot to say lately, hence the lack of journal. just waiting for the ball to get rolling on my surgery.

OK i guess i owe you all an update. I am happy to tell you that my insurance will do the surgery. And get this it may even halt the desvastation from the co morbidities. that would make me a very happy person if it did . Today my brain just wasnt cooperating at all, i think i may of had a siezure last night,...
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ok i am a bit peeved , trying to watch the olympics as they occur and well try to find it on tv it aint happening unless your willing to pay extra high prices for cable or sat tv forget seeing anything live. not even a bloody webcast oh and i tryed msnbc and it locks up with nothing , i suspect it is jammed...
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