scandi_rose

not feeling as good as i should, yes somethings really bugging me alot. i am getting tired of my family and there ever so low opinion of me. they can't deal with me. i get this general feeling that i failed them and i am lazy and not good enough for them. they cant accept me as i am now. damnit all i want more than anything is to be accepted and wanted for who i am. and when people tell me if it wasnt for your lazy ass ect, damnit i am not lazy! i'm a diabetic, I have nerve damage. some nights i lie in bad not sleeping cause my body shakes or hurts like hell. ok nobody wants to hear this but i got to vent and i got to let this out. i am having trouble dealing with all these changes in myself. but i cannot deal with this don't talk to the gimp attitude i am getting from my family. seems like the only ones who can accept me is Shinobi and the few friends i met here. and some of my gaming friends. and no offense but truthfully only Shin has met me in person. so i know he accepts me regardless. but how in the hell can i get my ever so messed up family to listen so i can say what needs to be said to them, that hey i'm not perfect, but i am there duaghter, sister, ect.
it's so bad my mum wont let me use my cane around her cause she feels i dont need it, sure i can walk without but i fear i will fall if my legs give out or get weak.
and believe me it hurts. as far as this being all in my head? maybe some of it however my doctor confirmed i have nerve damage and loss of feeling. as well as lack of strength.
believe me it's a nightmare. i just want to cry, but i forget how to.