saturnalia

so, lets talk about sex for a minute. what ever happened to cheap and meaningless sex? i was all about it. until not too long ago, i actually met someone, and looked right at him and said, "i can't just sleep with you". he asked why, and my reply was that he is someone that i would want more from. yeah, its true. a definate connection that is more obvious than the elephant in the room. now, its all good and fine, so why not go with it? ahhhh, that is, of course, where it gets complicated. it wouldn't be my life if it were that easy. i have an addiction to getting emotionally involved with men who are not available in one way or another. tore my heart out once, and really not looking to do it again, but somehow, i don't say no. does that make me an emotional masochist? i date plenty of men that are available all around, but that connection is never there. there is something to be said for pillow talk. i mean up till all hours, just talking, laughing, and not even caring what time it is, or the repercussions the following day. the kind of connection where, you could be in the middle of mardi gras, and you wouldn't notice anyone but that other person. its a beautiful thing when it happens and its a real heart ache when you know they're not yours for the taking. oh, the webs we weave! what's a girl to do?
my girlfriends tell me i'm playing with fire. and well, i'd have to agree in more ways than one. but like i said, i must be an emotional masochist. but in the same right, what if. the question 'what if' is one of my absolute favorites. and i can't help but be a hopeless romantic and just ask 'what if'. gets me into trouble, and everyone that knows me tells me all the time that curiousity killed the cat. but last i checked, this pussy still has a few more lives left.