good grief so much has happened. So he told the ex-wife, and she lost her mind over it. she claims that I had been acting weird around her and she claims that I had been telling everyone at work. Now understand I work at a large company, and our center has close to 1000 employees. I also haven't told anyone except for my best friend who I know for a fact has not told anyone.
He told me that we couldn't see each other anymore because of her, and I thought okay this is it, it's done it's over. Hurry up and cry and move on. Well after he told me that we couldn't see each other he went home to be yelled at for an hour by the ex about the whole situation, and how could he do this to her, how he was humiliating her, etc. So after an hour of this he calls me saying that he's going to stay at a friends house (friend is out of town) and asks me if I want to come. I ask him if he's sure and he says yes. So he picks me up, we go to the house, and have a wonderful evening together. Then at almost midnight she calls, yelling at him so loud that I can hear the entire conversation. Talking about everything he has ever done to her, how I have ruined her week, how dare I even consider seeing him, how I don't even know they are seperated so I'm having a "good old fashion affair with my fucking husband".... It took everything in me to just sit there and listen to all that shit. First of all she is the one who asked for the divorce, second of all, she has a boyfriend. If she is with someone and she doesn't want him, then what is the big deal??
Well this phone convo ie her screaming at him goes on for an hour. I talk to him about the whole situation and we go to bed. Then at 7 in the morning she calls again, and this call is her just talking shit about me, I'm a fat cow, a whore, a bitch, a cunt, at one point she said "I hope you like having your dick sucked by that fat cow, and putting her first priority over your family" which is total bullshit. She just kept going on and on, and at one point even threatened me, the whole time not knowing that I'm there. I have never fealt so defeated in my whole life.
Since then him and I have continued to see each other, but no one knows about it. She has calmed down a bit, but she thinks that we are not seeing each other. To be honest I'm back to having the same amount of apprehension as what I did when he asked me out on a date and I said no. I feel so beat down, that I don't know if I can continue to make this work. I feel like I want to get closer to him but that I have this constant fear if she finds out etc.
On top of that listening to a full hour of being beat down verbally has affected me in a strange way. It's made me wonder about the type of person that I am. I don't want to sneak around. I want to go out on a date, I want people to know about us, but there is no way that can happen with her being so against everything.
I was telling my best friend last night that he keeps getting closer to me as I am putting up a wall to protect myself and he brought up an interesting point. That in my previous relationship the more I begged to be loved the more distance that the one I loved put between us. Then the moment that I am being loved on the more distant I become. It's like a constant tug of war. but I have never been in a situation where there is so much at risk, and where I have had to sneak around like I'm doing something wrong. I feel guilty sometimes, and that's not cool.... *le sigh* who knows, maybe I should just break it off until Feb. when the divorce is final.
He told me that we couldn't see each other anymore because of her, and I thought okay this is it, it's done it's over. Hurry up and cry and move on. Well after he told me that we couldn't see each other he went home to be yelled at for an hour by the ex about the whole situation, and how could he do this to her, how he was humiliating her, etc. So after an hour of this he calls me saying that he's going to stay at a friends house (friend is out of town) and asks me if I want to come. I ask him if he's sure and he says yes. So he picks me up, we go to the house, and have a wonderful evening together. Then at almost midnight she calls, yelling at him so loud that I can hear the entire conversation. Talking about everything he has ever done to her, how I have ruined her week, how dare I even consider seeing him, how I don't even know they are seperated so I'm having a "good old fashion affair with my fucking husband".... It took everything in me to just sit there and listen to all that shit. First of all she is the one who asked for the divorce, second of all, she has a boyfriend. If she is with someone and she doesn't want him, then what is the big deal??
Well this phone convo ie her screaming at him goes on for an hour. I talk to him about the whole situation and we go to bed. Then at 7 in the morning she calls again, and this call is her just talking shit about me, I'm a fat cow, a whore, a bitch, a cunt, at one point she said "I hope you like having your dick sucked by that fat cow, and putting her first priority over your family" which is total bullshit. She just kept going on and on, and at one point even threatened me, the whole time not knowing that I'm there. I have never fealt so defeated in my whole life.
Since then him and I have continued to see each other, but no one knows about it. She has calmed down a bit, but she thinks that we are not seeing each other. To be honest I'm back to having the same amount of apprehension as what I did when he asked me out on a date and I said no. I feel so beat down, that I don't know if I can continue to make this work. I feel like I want to get closer to him but that I have this constant fear if she finds out etc.
On top of that listening to a full hour of being beat down verbally has affected me in a strange way. It's made me wonder about the type of person that I am. I don't want to sneak around. I want to go out on a date, I want people to know about us, but there is no way that can happen with her being so against everything.
I was telling my best friend last night that he keeps getting closer to me as I am putting up a wall to protect myself and he brought up an interesting point. That in my previous relationship the more I begged to be loved the more distance that the one I loved put between us. Then the moment that I am being loved on the more distant I become. It's like a constant tug of war. but I have never been in a situation where there is so much at risk, and where I have had to sneak around like I'm doing something wrong. I feel guilty sometimes, and that's not cool.... *le sigh* who knows, maybe I should just break it off until Feb. when the divorce is final.