Well it's back to square fucking one, guy wise.
This guy at Hillel I had had a crush on, well we finally got to talking and hit it off, had a lot in common, he seemed interested, etc. We go on a date which culiminates in a lengthy makeout session, and I wasn't sure if he was "saving himself" or anything (he's Orthodox) so I asked and he said that while he's a virgin, he doesn't care about saving himself for any length of time and goes by 'whatever happens, happens'. Well we were without access to a room so this was all in the backseat of my car so we agreed to have his dorm room for ourselves after shabbat dinner tonight. Well after services and before dinner starts, he said that he was losing respect for himself by going so far so fast. I felt bad, I would never pressure him or anyone, so I think "ok, I'm fine with waiting". But then he said he wants to be "just friends". We didn't really get to talk about this in depth as he didnt stay for dinner but suffice to say I had all but lost my appetite.
I mean I'm not pissed at him at all, just a little confused and angry at myself cause one again a guy doesn't want me. I really fucking hate hearing how "oh girls have it easy, they can get sex any time they want" cause why the fuck can't I get sex? I know you shouldn't expect certain behaviors just cause of gender, but I had gotten so used to believing that guys would always want sex cause I thought that at least I could get something out of it, you know? It's not like I want to fuck every guy on the planet, but I don't need to be in a serious relationship to have sex, I would like to still be attracted to the guy. But I guess it's just not meant to be with me.
This guy at Hillel I had had a crush on, well we finally got to talking and hit it off, had a lot in common, he seemed interested, etc. We go on a date which culiminates in a lengthy makeout session, and I wasn't sure if he was "saving himself" or anything (he's Orthodox) so I asked and he said that while he's a virgin, he doesn't care about saving himself for any length of time and goes by 'whatever happens, happens'. Well we were without access to a room so this was all in the backseat of my car so we agreed to have his dorm room for ourselves after shabbat dinner tonight. Well after services and before dinner starts, he said that he was losing respect for himself by going so far so fast. I felt bad, I would never pressure him or anyone, so I think "ok, I'm fine with waiting". But then he said he wants to be "just friends". We didn't really get to talk about this in depth as he didnt stay for dinner but suffice to say I had all but lost my appetite.
I mean I'm not pissed at him at all, just a little confused and angry at myself cause one again a guy doesn't want me. I really fucking hate hearing how "oh girls have it easy, they can get sex any time they want" cause why the fuck can't I get sex? I know you shouldn't expect certain behaviors just cause of gender, but I had gotten so used to believing that guys would always want sex cause I thought that at least I could get something out of it, you know? It's not like I want to fuck every guy on the planet, but I don't need to be in a serious relationship to have sex, I would like to still be attracted to the guy. But I guess it's just not meant to be with me.
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Then he finally admitted to himself that he's gay, and his relationships with men have been pretty normal.
Don't be mad or angry at yourself. His sudden decision that things were going too fast could have been for any number of reasons that may or may not make any sense.
It's not your fault that men can't recognize a good thing when it drops in front of their faces.