satana

I've been in reclusive mode this past week. Every day when I come home from work, I agonize about whether or not I have any phone messages. When I don't, I feel this huge sense of relief. I go through these stages where I just want to be in my own space, doing my own things. If it goes on too long though, it can be detrimental. I start to have more acute social anxiety (even though I work serving the public every day!). I wonder if the cause is because I grew up the youngest child on a farm, in the middle of nowhere. I was on my own so much as a kid--and liked it. Becoming a total recluse would be the easiest thing for me to fall into. And I know it would totally fuck me up. That's one of the main reasons I want to move to a larger city, with more going on. It forces me to get out and do things. I'm a much healthier person when I live in a city.