sarcastro

Laura was back in town last night and today. It was great getting to see her again, perfect for most of the night. We hung out at a bar and drank Bohs and talked and laughed and kissed (a lot). I was feeling closer and closer to her as the night went on. When we got back to my place we talked some more, mostly about some emotional things in our separate lives. But for some reason, it seemed like she was keeping up some sort of barrier between us. I really didn't know what to make of it and when we woke up in the morning (after about 50 minutes of slumber) we talked and kissed some more. It felt great, it wasn't just kissing some beautiful artistic woman who happened to find me attractive, it was something greater. I don't know how to really explain it. And yet, there still was this feeling of holding back on her part. I couldn't tell if it was just in my head or not so I finally brought up the subject. She was vague with her answers, seemingly attempting to avoid the question, but at the same time she made no attempt to change the topic of conversation. I know she's has her relationship issues, hell, who doesn't have at least a few, but hers affect her more than the average person. I didn't want to push her on the subject, so it basically ping ponged back and forth with us saying the same thing in different language several times over. I still don't have a clear idea of what she's thinking, what she wants, what she feels towards me, but to be fair I feel safe in assuming she isn't really sure either. The thing that made me feel (at least a little bit) good was that she seemed to be honest with me. Thats all I really wanted from her, to know where she stood. We talked about the complexities of a long distance relationship. Shes basically opposed to the idea of one and before meeting her; I too thought the very idea of one was silly. But I gave it some more thought. As far as long distance relationships go, it wouldnt be that long distance, shes about 2 hours away by car. More importantly, weve contacted so closely in such a short period of time that it blows my mind. She has stated that she feels the same way, but has also told me she develops intense feelings for boys quickly, then they soon fade. Whenever she says this, she always qualifies by saying this time (me) is different for some reason. I have a feeling I am going to be sad and confused most of the rest of the weekend. I am always a bit sad when she leaves town, but at the same time, Im riding a bit of a high basking in the after glow of our time spent together. Its amazing the way I feel when I am with her. And its not even based on sex, as we havent even gotten totally naked with each other. Clearly we are both hot for each other, but that time simply hasnt come yet. But back to what I was saying a few sentences back, I know I am going to feel empty and lonely this weekend. Its probably (for the most part) just in my head, but who knows. Like I said, Im confused.

You know that period of time when you first meet someone, when EVERYTHING is great and you havent shared on bit of time that wasnt totally enjoyable (if not enjoyable, emotionally fulfilling). Well, that time just ended. I already miss her and I cant wait to see her again. Hopefully these things confusing things that I am feeling will just turn out to be my own insecurities and I will overcome them. I guess time will tell.