sarcastro

"Empty frame on the wall
cat & mouse when you don't call
all I do is think of her
the t.v. screens picture's blurred, so
take it away! take it away!
every night the scene is set
I've got to drink to forget
I cannot incure this debt
where's the gun? here's my head!
let's go to the hongkong,
breaking glass at madame wong's.
let's go buy a pint of booze,
getting drunk, getting loose
I just want some skank, I just want some skank
I just want some skank, I just want some skank
passing flyers at the troub, seven nights
seven 'ludes
what's the deal with this band?
Let's go roll some fields, man
I just want some skank
every night would be so great, i'd take you
home to meet mom & dad.and they'll be so
glad.they won't think their boy's a fag
then they'll go upstairs and go to bed"

That was written by someone I have never met when I was two or three years old. I first heard those lyrics when I was 18 and they seemed to say exactly what I was feeling. Its an amazing, sometimes scary thing when that happens. Well I'm 8 years older now and these words seem to define how I feel even more than ever, which kinda pisses me off. Until today I never realized how personally violent those lyrics are. To me they always seemed natural, but that the most disturbing part. Lyrics like those shouldn't feel perfect to me. I want to be able to hear this song and have it remind me of a way I used to feel. At least I've never done ludes.

Um, yeah, the 240 is back online. Fucking great news. I love that car. I'm glad is slow because the I drive just isn't healthy with a powerful engine. I know that if I get an accident with an SUV in that thing, I'll come out alive. Hmmmm....on second thought, maybe I should get a Pinto convertable. Kidding, just kidding, sheesh...yeah, I like my car.

Um, yeah. I thought I had the apartment of my dreams until last night. It was a loft space just north of downtown with fucking beautiful views of the entire city. The reasons why it fell through are unimportant to me right now. Thats pretty much deflated my high from getting my car back.

I needed a night at the Sidebar. It was great because I knew lots of people of there, some I hadn't seen in a long time so it was good to reconnect. I love the Overprivileged, seeing them makes me remember why I got involved in this nasty punk business in the first place. My previous band played tons of shows with them, the last one being the night Joey Ramone died. My current band used to play with them more often but haven't as much recently for whatever reason. It was also cool getting to see Nicky and Craig from Big Daddy Chrome again; the band I was in previous to the previous band was with those guys and a guy who looked like a cross between Dazig and Gunner Nelson. That was 5 years ago and they were all 30 or older then, its great that they're still ate it. Its also nice because there presence brings me closer to the median age of the rest of the crowd.

So I woke up this morning thinking of her. I looked at her picture and wished she was here telling me to turn off the light and go back to sleep. I checked my email and she sent me a note. Damn, I miss her. Distance and lack of funds keep us apart but we still send each other silly notes all the time. Her life is a mess right now and I know she needs time, space and understanding right now. She's seen me behave poorly and she didn't push me away. When we share thoughts, I am blown away at how well we connect. She's done things in life that I wish I had to the balls to do. I shouldn't feel this strongly about someone I can barely see, someone who I've spent less than weeks time with in person in my entire life, and yet I do. Whatever happens, I think that I'm going OK with it. Who knows, whatever is meant to happen will happen, so I won't waste time worrying about.

I got to eat Grotto Pizza yesterday! It totally ruled! What do they have against opening up in MD? Probably the insane business taxes we have here. Those fucking liberal bastards are keeping from being able to eat Grotto all the time. Grrrrr.....