sarahphina

i dont know if i am the type of friend that always gives gives gives..but never receives. my brain has been going off now for 2 nights..since meeting up with andrew.
we where together for 3 years. i went to hawaii for the last year and he couldnt handle and started doing herione. i thought we where going to be toghether forrrever but he lied. said he only did it once, then that turned into a "im just kidding god ive done it a couple times" to a couple times a week and im finding that out by his dealer who calls me and tells me shes concerned. fuck you bitch. your the one who started it. then i guess he stopped. and attempted suicide. now that it didnt work the coriceden sleeping pills vicodin vodka combo really fucked up his heart and the doctor only gave him a couple more years. i know he'll end it before that couple of years maker hits.
last night i saw andrew for the first time in 8 months. he was so skinny. the ciggy burns and cuts all over his abdomen made me throw up.
seeing him cry made my broken heart shatter. god and im just left there wondering what the fuck can i do? there is nothing...nothing at all except pick up the fallen peices to my heart do another round of months of bandaids tape and glue and hope its good enough to hold it together.
last night was proof soulmates can be broken.
and i feel so fucken empty inside.
i still run away from things that could mean a little bit more

i will just end up fucking that up beyond repair.