I've decided to make a worthy update for the two people that are interested in my life.
Basically, I've been having such shitty habits with my SG account because I don't have a computer where I now live. August 22nd is my patience deadline with my boyfriend's father (the first day of classes as well), who was supposed to help me back in May but seemed to have lost the interent software and wants me to pay out of my pocket for a new one. Which I'm ready to do anyways, because I'm having some serious internet withdrawl.
Well... I haven't been entirely happy where I live for the reason that Tyler's dad has a slew of unpleasant bad habits and his little brother is, in short, a freak. He's actually no longer supposed to live at that house (the house is fresh from suffering a divorce) but he's there all the time anyways, just to be closer to his friends. My parents on the other hand are bribing me viciously to move back, but all in all, it just doesn't seem right. Being poor and eating shitty now, I still somehow would not feel right moving back home. Living with my miserable brother and being pampered to the point of have having my ass wiped. Okay, not really.
I am, in general, quite content with Tyler, and Lemony, and Harriet, and Mambo, and Gordon (my gerbil, mouse, guinea pig, and rabbit, respectively).
It's my social life that's been giving me grief. To be honest, I need new friends so badly. See, I'm not very social naturally at all. I prefer to be alone 90% of the time. But I've been with Tyler for a year and a half, and he has to have people around. ALL. THE. TIME. The worst part is, together we have an insatiable pot habit. Not as bad as some; we never smoke during to day or if we have to be somewhere, but we a garaunteed to smoke every single night. And with this habit comes questionable friendships. I've sat and observed my friends over the years- many of them I've had for a long time.
I have a friend. I've known him since we were little, and in middle school we lost track because of the different crowds we hung out with. We "met" again out Senior year of high school. We dated briefly, ended by me because I realized I was actually not attracted to him in any way. More of a "I've known you forever and treasure your friendship" interest.
I no longer treasure his friendship. I've seen him over the last year + do some horrible things to people that are damn near unforgivable. I've seen him trab girls in venomous relationships and seem him be as cruel as possible. He's in some deep shit now with his newest ex, but it wouldn't be right to go into detail here. Basically, Tyler and I have both tried to help him to no avail, and I am through with him. These are the type of people I've been surrounded by.
On top of this, I'm sitting back and watching my best friend drift away. We've been through a lot, and I mark the day she moved to Florida, we were high school Sophomores, as the day she changed. I visited her there one time, and it was a miserable experience. Spending time with two faced people and becoming more cynical than ever. When she got back it took awhile to warm up to each other again, but it happened, and we were as close as ever. Then she did something unbelievable, and in what she later described to me in a letter as overwhelming pent-up jealousy towards me, she unleashed lies and personal secrets to people who were my close friends at the time. I then lost all of my friends, including my best friend, and she lost her trust in me. It took about 6 months for her to contact me, 6 months that I spent with a bruise and wondering how horrible of a person I must me to make my best friend suddenly hate me. A lot of people told me to never take her back, but I did.
And now she's dating one of my ex's, my second-most serious relationship, and she's morphed again. This particular boy suffers from inflated ego and seemed to have gotten the best of her, because her's has balooned as well. They are fine company apart, but together I just want to put ear muffs on and look away. They met us just a couple of nights ago at IHOP, and the subject came to what the ex called "Worthless People", and the particular person was someone Tyler had worked with, named Travis. This man is 32, quit his job at Minksy's, a local pizza place/pub/bar, and is now unemoployed. Dropped out of college. My ex sees it that we should spend no time with the "worthless person" because... he had the balls to say that hanging out with "worthless people" will make us worthless ourselves. I retorted to him that the difference between people like Travis and the afore mentioned problematic friend is that people like Travis are content with their lives, and above all, are 100% kind. Travis is by far one of the friendliest people I've met in a long while, and has a greatly welcoming home. Afore-mentioned, however, does nothing but blame problems on others and causes destruction for selfish purposes. My ex denied everything I said and stood by his theory that it didn't matter if he was nice or happy, "worthless people are just worthless, and do nothing but bring down others and the economy".
Whereas I continued to ask my best friend how life was going, she made a point to bitch at me for buying my White Stripes concert tickets without her.
The four of us remained uncomfortably tight-lipped until my "best friend" decided to leave because she was tired, taking her other half with her.
All I ask for are some friends that don't lie and are nothing but kind. Fuck. That's hard to find these days.
PS- I changed my photo but it's actually an older one. My hair is jet black. I just don't have to motivation to take pictures of myself.
Basically, I've been having such shitty habits with my SG account because I don't have a computer where I now live. August 22nd is my patience deadline with my boyfriend's father (the first day of classes as well), who was supposed to help me back in May but seemed to have lost the interent software and wants me to pay out of my pocket for a new one. Which I'm ready to do anyways, because I'm having some serious internet withdrawl.
Well... I haven't been entirely happy where I live for the reason that Tyler's dad has a slew of unpleasant bad habits and his little brother is, in short, a freak. He's actually no longer supposed to live at that house (the house is fresh from suffering a divorce) but he's there all the time anyways, just to be closer to his friends. My parents on the other hand are bribing me viciously to move back, but all in all, it just doesn't seem right. Being poor and eating shitty now, I still somehow would not feel right moving back home. Living with my miserable brother and being pampered to the point of have having my ass wiped. Okay, not really.
I am, in general, quite content with Tyler, and Lemony, and Harriet, and Mambo, and Gordon (my gerbil, mouse, guinea pig, and rabbit, respectively).
It's my social life that's been giving me grief. To be honest, I need new friends so badly. See, I'm not very social naturally at all. I prefer to be alone 90% of the time. But I've been with Tyler for a year and a half, and he has to have people around. ALL. THE. TIME. The worst part is, together we have an insatiable pot habit. Not as bad as some; we never smoke during to day or if we have to be somewhere, but we a garaunteed to smoke every single night. And with this habit comes questionable friendships. I've sat and observed my friends over the years- many of them I've had for a long time.
I have a friend. I've known him since we were little, and in middle school we lost track because of the different crowds we hung out with. We "met" again out Senior year of high school. We dated briefly, ended by me because I realized I was actually not attracted to him in any way. More of a "I've known you forever and treasure your friendship" interest.
I no longer treasure his friendship. I've seen him over the last year + do some horrible things to people that are damn near unforgivable. I've seen him trab girls in venomous relationships and seem him be as cruel as possible. He's in some deep shit now with his newest ex, but it wouldn't be right to go into detail here. Basically, Tyler and I have both tried to help him to no avail, and I am through with him. These are the type of people I've been surrounded by.
On top of this, I'm sitting back and watching my best friend drift away. We've been through a lot, and I mark the day she moved to Florida, we were high school Sophomores, as the day she changed. I visited her there one time, and it was a miserable experience. Spending time with two faced people and becoming more cynical than ever. When she got back it took awhile to warm up to each other again, but it happened, and we were as close as ever. Then she did something unbelievable, and in what she later described to me in a letter as overwhelming pent-up jealousy towards me, she unleashed lies and personal secrets to people who were my close friends at the time. I then lost all of my friends, including my best friend, and she lost her trust in me. It took about 6 months for her to contact me, 6 months that I spent with a bruise and wondering how horrible of a person I must me to make my best friend suddenly hate me. A lot of people told me to never take her back, but I did.
And now she's dating one of my ex's, my second-most serious relationship, and she's morphed again. This particular boy suffers from inflated ego and seemed to have gotten the best of her, because her's has balooned as well. They are fine company apart, but together I just want to put ear muffs on and look away. They met us just a couple of nights ago at IHOP, and the subject came to what the ex called "Worthless People", and the particular person was someone Tyler had worked with, named Travis. This man is 32, quit his job at Minksy's, a local pizza place/pub/bar, and is now unemoployed. Dropped out of college. My ex sees it that we should spend no time with the "worthless person" because... he had the balls to say that hanging out with "worthless people" will make us worthless ourselves. I retorted to him that the difference between people like Travis and the afore mentioned problematic friend is that people like Travis are content with their lives, and above all, are 100% kind. Travis is by far one of the friendliest people I've met in a long while, and has a greatly welcoming home. Afore-mentioned, however, does nothing but blame problems on others and causes destruction for selfish purposes. My ex denied everything I said and stood by his theory that it didn't matter if he was nice or happy, "worthless people are just worthless, and do nothing but bring down others and the economy".
Whereas I continued to ask my best friend how life was going, she made a point to bitch at me for buying my White Stripes concert tickets without her.
The four of us remained uncomfortably tight-lipped until my "best friend" decided to leave because she was tired, taking her other half with her.
All I ask for are some friends that don't lie and are nothing but kind. Fuck. That's hard to find these days.
PS- I changed my photo but it's actually an older one. My hair is jet black. I just don't have to motivation to take pictures of myself.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
dane_valek:
Friends are easy to replace, but switching your life to suit those changes is more difficult. I've found that it's much harder to find a new routine which allows you the opportunity to find new friends, than finding new friends. Especially when you've been doing the same things for so very long. Everyone deserves some trustworthy friends, and I hope you can find some people who aren't "worthless" themselves
superstarcsb:
Hey sweetie. I'm quite short on friends too. It probably doesn't help that I'm shy as hell! Anyway, if you ever need a friend I'm right here in Lawrence so we could chill whenever. I hope things look up for you.