sapphic_fire

Not all help is charity, sometimes it's just nice to have friends and family you can rely on to help you when you need them. It's a strength, not a weakness and you're luckier than some if you have them.

Laura,

I`m leaving this site soon, but before I go I want to tell you some things.
Firstly how much I admire you. I do really.

But I have to say some things that are hard to hear.

You don`t know everything.

You are well read, well informed, and many other things, but you`re afraid of something and you`re filling your head with `I`m no good`. I don`t know why, I don`t know what has happened to you, what support you did or didn`t get, what shitty cards you`ve had to deal with, what mad mood swings you may have to deal with.

But I do know that it isn`t up to you wether Jessie loves you or not. Its like you are saying she is stupid, that you are only protecting her from the inevitable future. What gives you the right?

Do you really know the future? You can make a future with your thoughts, yes you can do that, self fulfilling phrophecies, but do you know what will happen?

How do you know it won`t be YOU looking after Jessie? Did you ever think of that? Maybe you`ll be on suicide watch for her, or maybe you`llo have to make a big sacrafice for her one day.

Maybe she`ll be in a crash and loose a leg. Would you love her any less for that? SorryJessie, I want to be with a whole person, see you later. Deal with this on your own. I don`t think so.


And would you leave her if she told you too, when she needed you most? Again I don`t think so.

Moving on:

The present, the eternal present, is right now. Love her and let her love you and rejoice in that love. And if it goes tits up, at least you will have had the now with her. And if and when the now leaves, so fucking what? Will it mean any less because it wasn`t forever? Not in my opinion.

Work on the things that are holding you back. Your relationship with your Mother is one thing you can work on. Its important, regardless of what a douchebag she may have been.

If you scream and shout over spilled sugar, then work on that. If you feel suicidal, then work on that. One step at a time.

Don`t condem yourself all the time.

Now I know this could just be one mood coming out on your page and that in fact you are working on things and whatever else.

Help from your parents is not charity, its the norm, the expected course of things. If you have a family, then try to meet them half way, regardless of your differences.

Remember you have an endless capacity to love and be loved. So get on with spreading that love around.
Hope everything works out ok.

I send you my love