WOW you struck gold by visiting me today. Well maybe not gold, but possibly ore of some sort. Anyway, I feel like writing!
I havent been journal writing lately cuz some stuff has really been bothering me. You know, when youre so upset that you cant really function normally. Like whats up with words, anyway?
The English language has really been pissin me off! Its so full of misleading words, strange phrases, redundancies and words you just cant pronounce. (Why do we call the language that we speak ENGLISH, anyway...The good people of Jolly Ol England wouldnt be caught dead using some of the words we use. Let just call it American, OK?)
Here are some of the troubled words and phrases Ive encountered recently:
DISGRUNTLED does that mean people who are happy with the situation are GRUNTLED?
NEWS COMMENTATOR shouldnt it just be COMMENTOR?
LACKADAISICAL where do you suppose that word came from?
SHORT PREVIEW isnt that like miniature dwarf?
STUDENT ATHLETE really? come on... theyre either one or the other.
PLAN AHEAD Id like to see you try to plan something after the fact
PREVIOUSLY RECORDED duh, how could you record something NOT previously?
And why is it that if you buy a new car in 2004, its already the 2005 model? Who do they think theyre kidding?
Dont get me started.
And, why do we need the phrases coolest chick ever or totally hot chick when we already have the words Hillary Wallace and Benni? It means the same thing.
And why isnt there a word that seems appropriate enough to describe what it would be like to lie around naked drinking beer with Eli on a Saturday night?
If you take the GH from the word ROUGH, and the O from WOMEN, and the TI from PARTIAL, do you realize that G-H-O-T-I spells FISH?
Heres something to think about:
What if these common references were REAL?
pennies from heaven
wouldnt that be outrageous? Its supposed to be a positive thing, ya know, life is good....like pennies from heaven. Yeah, right. First of all it would destroy your car! Talk about hail damage. And it would kill all the animals and small children. Yeah, pennies from heaven?... no thanks.
flying monkeys
you think pigeons and geese are a problem? Every sidewalk in the city would be knee-deep in monkey shit. And, how would you like to clean that off your windshield? Yuk!
Spiderman
How cool would it be to have a guy come to your rescue when your car is teetering on the edge of a cliff? I mean, my girlfriend is being tied to the railroad tracks seven or eight times a week, with no one to save her. She could use the help. Come to think of it, having big, giant webs hanging everywhere would help to control those damn flying monkeys!
Are ya with me here? What if these things actually existed
Buffalo wings
come on, lets get a car full of people and go out for a Buffalo wing. you want the bucket of sauce, or the barrel? Hope youre extra hungry
Stupid blondes
Yeahwhat if that were real? No, wait... thats one is real. Sorry
And shouldnt life insurance be called death insurance?
Did you know that in baseball, if a hit ball touches the foul line, its a FAIR ball? Who made that one up? And why is baseball the only sport where the MANAGER wears a uniform?
Back in the 1500s, England was running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and reuse the graves. When they opened the coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So, they thought they would tie a string to the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bells: that where we get the term graveyard shift and the saying saved by the bell.
Did you know that Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise, and that Owls are the only birds that can see the color blue. Why do I know this stuff?
While words have the power to confuse me, I like the idea that no words in the entire English language rhyme with month, silver, orange or purple. Go ahead, try. That kind of illogical balance makes me happy.
Oh, yeahwere you aware that a duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. Cool.
I havent been journal writing lately cuz some stuff has really been bothering me. You know, when youre so upset that you cant really function normally. Like whats up with words, anyway?
The English language has really been pissin me off! Its so full of misleading words, strange phrases, redundancies and words you just cant pronounce. (Why do we call the language that we speak ENGLISH, anyway...The good people of Jolly Ol England wouldnt be caught dead using some of the words we use. Let just call it American, OK?)
Here are some of the troubled words and phrases Ive encountered recently:
DISGRUNTLED does that mean people who are happy with the situation are GRUNTLED?
NEWS COMMENTATOR shouldnt it just be COMMENTOR?
LACKADAISICAL where do you suppose that word came from?
SHORT PREVIEW isnt that like miniature dwarf?
STUDENT ATHLETE really? come on... theyre either one or the other.
PLAN AHEAD Id like to see you try to plan something after the fact
PREVIOUSLY RECORDED duh, how could you record something NOT previously?
And why is it that if you buy a new car in 2004, its already the 2005 model? Who do they think theyre kidding?
Dont get me started.
And, why do we need the phrases coolest chick ever or totally hot chick when we already have the words Hillary Wallace and Benni? It means the same thing.
And why isnt there a word that seems appropriate enough to describe what it would be like to lie around naked drinking beer with Eli on a Saturday night?
If you take the GH from the word ROUGH, and the O from WOMEN, and the TI from PARTIAL, do you realize that G-H-O-T-I spells FISH?
Heres something to think about:
What if these common references were REAL?
pennies from heaven
wouldnt that be outrageous? Its supposed to be a positive thing, ya know, life is good....like pennies from heaven. Yeah, right. First of all it would destroy your car! Talk about hail damage. And it would kill all the animals and small children. Yeah, pennies from heaven?... no thanks.
flying monkeys
you think pigeons and geese are a problem? Every sidewalk in the city would be knee-deep in monkey shit. And, how would you like to clean that off your windshield? Yuk!
Spiderman
How cool would it be to have a guy come to your rescue when your car is teetering on the edge of a cliff? I mean, my girlfriend is being tied to the railroad tracks seven or eight times a week, with no one to save her. She could use the help. Come to think of it, having big, giant webs hanging everywhere would help to control those damn flying monkeys!
Are ya with me here? What if these things actually existed
Buffalo wings
come on, lets get a car full of people and go out for a Buffalo wing. you want the bucket of sauce, or the barrel? Hope youre extra hungry
Stupid blondes
Yeahwhat if that were real? No, wait... thats one is real. Sorry
And shouldnt life insurance be called death insurance?
Did you know that in baseball, if a hit ball touches the foul line, its a FAIR ball? Who made that one up? And why is baseball the only sport where the MANAGER wears a uniform?
Back in the 1500s, England was running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and reuse the graves. When they opened the coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So, they thought they would tie a string to the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bells: that where we get the term graveyard shift and the saying saved by the bell.
Did you know that Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise, and that Owls are the only birds that can see the color blue. Why do I know this stuff?
While words have the power to confuse me, I like the idea that no words in the entire English language rhyme with month, silver, orange or purple. Go ahead, try. That kind of illogical balance makes me happy.
Oh, yeahwere you aware that a duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. Cool.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
danielle:
i think they gave it to me because of the sugar. i drink water all the time.
clover:
ack! I love this journal entry, I knew most of these things yes, but still I didn't know that owls saw blue, but now I do and I feel more complete..Thanks, and Ben-Gay I wonder who the hell though of that name?