hey guys 
I may have done what I shouldn't have but oh go it was amazing again. I still dont understand how he manages to make it rough and gentle at the same time, and I still feel special as well
I still haven't felt the urge to be hurt either. I haven't needed to be strangled of punched, not even one tiny slap yet. This is exciting for me because I've never orgasmed in my life without that before. And definitely not such wonderful ones either
We had pizza last night and it's the first thing I haven't purged all week and part of me was a little bit scared but he understands cos he went through it ages ago, and he was reassuring and it calmed me down and then everything was okay. I don't want to purge anymore. Esp since I've only been eating carrot and sweetcorn anyway, and carrot has always always been my safe food. And it's confusing cos I'm not unhappy at the moment :/
On a side note, I started doing gymnastics again yesterday instead of doing aerobics with the kids at summer camp. it felt amazing to be going it again after so long I can still do the splits which is awesome 
I may have strained a lot of muscles in my back cos I didn't stretch properly haha. Nothing a massage can't fix! Someone give me a massage please?!?!?!
Oh and brief comment cos I need to rant. My ex said some fucking appalling things to my friend about me. The weird thing is I don't miss him as a bf, I miss not having a master. I miss my rules and punishments; it's like a little piece of me is missing. Hard to explain, meh. It's just for so long I wasn't aimee, I was filth or kitty, and now it's odd being aimee again like I'm not 100% sure who she is anymore.
But anyway, hanging watching zombie films and the distractions that seem to happen during and after seem to be taking my mind off the whole master thing rather fucking well. And it makes me happy I like happy. Happy is safe. And he makes me safe. He has warm eyes and warm safe hands. He says he has a cold heart but I don't believe it. Everyone has their own defence mechanisms to protect themselves. And as I told him anything cold can always be warmed up even if it does take ages.
My job bores me but only 2 more weeks now. And one week until I get paid for this job. And then I get my money I'm owed for April! Finally won't have about 90 of my overdraft left. Happy times
sorry for the mixed bunch of stuff in today's post. My final thought for it is that I fucking love being this calm and I know it will most likely end (even though I dong want it to!) but oh my it was the best fun I've had in ages, and it might have been enough to restore my hope that there are good men hiding somewhere. I think my sex life with anyone else is going to be shit in comparison haha.
I love feeling so safe.
Love you all muchos x x x
I may have done what I shouldn't have but oh go it was amazing again. I still dont understand how he manages to make it rough and gentle at the same time, and I still feel special as well
I still haven't felt the urge to be hurt either. I haven't needed to be strangled of punched, not even one tiny slap yet. This is exciting for me because I've never orgasmed in my life without that before. And definitely not such wonderful ones either
We had pizza last night and it's the first thing I haven't purged all week and part of me was a little bit scared but he understands cos he went through it ages ago, and he was reassuring and it calmed me down and then everything was okay. I don't want to purge anymore. Esp since I've only been eating carrot and sweetcorn anyway, and carrot has always always been my safe food. And it's confusing cos I'm not unhappy at the moment :/
On a side note, I started doing gymnastics again yesterday instead of doing aerobics with the kids at summer camp. it felt amazing to be going it again after so long
I can still do the splits which is awesome I may have strained a lot of muscles in my back cos I didn't stretch properly haha. Nothing a massage can't fix! Someone give me a massage please?!?!?!
Oh and brief comment cos I need to rant. My ex said some fucking appalling things to my friend about me. The weird thing is I don't miss him as a bf, I miss not having a master. I miss my rules and punishments; it's like a little piece of me is missing. Hard to explain, meh. It's just for so long I wasn't aimee, I was filth or kitty, and now it's odd being aimee again like I'm not 100% sure who she is anymore.
But anyway, hanging watching zombie films and the distractions that seem to happen during and after seem to be taking my mind off the whole master thing rather fucking well. And it makes me happy
I like happy. Happy is safe. And he makes me safe. He has warm eyes and warm safe hands. He says he has a cold heart but I don't believe it. Everyone has their own defence mechanisms to protect themselves. And as I told him anything cold can always be warmed up even if it does take ages.
My job bores me but only 2 more weeks now. And one week until I get paid for this job. And then I get my money I'm owed for April! Finally won't have about 90 of my overdraft left. Happy times
sorry for the mixed bunch of stuff in today's post. My final thought for it is that I fucking love being this calm and I know it will most likely end (even though I dong want it to!) but oh my it was the best fun I've had in ages, and it might have been enough to restore my hope that there are good men hiding somewhere. I think my sex life with anyone else is going to be shit in comparison haha.
I love feeling so safe.
Love you all muchos x x x