santianna

I would post Martine's letter to me, only I don't think it's right to splurge other people's feelings on the internet. If I want to do that with mine, that's my business, but not with other people's. Not if they matter to me anyway. If you're a half-wit dumbass, oh well, that's kinda more your problem then mine if I choose to use it for laughs.

Basically, he said he'd not developed the same feelings for me and my rather passionate letter paralyzed him because he hadn't developed the same feelings for me as I had did towards him. (Well, duh. He should have said it to my face much earlier...) And that there was no reason for it at all, but that's the way things are. It sucks, but that's the way they are.

And my response...

I've always known all of that I suppose, I just couldn't admit it to myself. I mean, in all honesty, you're the only person in a long time who isn't completely head over heels obsessed with me. Bummer, I'll live with it I suppose.

All of that really sucks doesn't it, I don't know a single couple who are both equally madly in love with each other, and perhaps that's just plain human stupidity.

I know I can't say you should have told me earlier, you probably did, I was only attentive to the phrases like, 'maybe in the future'. Women really only ever listen to the shit they wanna hear, even if their intuition tells them otherwise. You really do have to be cruel to be
kind, it will seem!

Of course we all wish we could feel more passionate about the wonderful partners that are passionate about us. People that don't want to change us, people that will enrich and support and inspire. And of course ones that are great to make love to... that's important I suppose. But we can't all the time; I don't know what your take on that is, but I know I can't be fussy, there's no time and I don't have the capacity for it. And we all hate hurting people that offer us the world. We can't be wishy-washy forever, it's absolutely unhealthy.

So in short, I'm glad you finally told me you couldn't see me anymore. I'm glad I've finally come to a decision, one that I should have made earlier I suppose. But in a way I'm happy I didn't because, as
troublesome as it was, being in love with you was a rather delightful experience, particularly when you did make time to see me

I bet if I wrote down everything I felt from the time I met you in good prose, you'd have a good time being amused. I amuse myself anyway, thinking about it all. I hope anyway, one day I'll find someone I love deeply, passionately, crazily and many senses, loyally, as I loved you, and to have that returned. Maybe that has to be worked for, who knows. Bugger. Whatever it is, I certainly wish you the same.

God Bless, my dear.

xoxo