Oh I am so bad at lying. Greg totally knew someone came over, and I couldnt have kept it away from my face at any rate. Sure, Im not honest all the time, I eat grape from the grocery store that I havent paid for, and spit the seeds out on the floor or something like that, but thats just it.
Oh well, we all learn. I havent broken my word in a long, long time. Yes I was drunk, but that I suppose isnt much of excuse. But when youre drunk, well, a lot of things get comprimized in the bid to get laid. Its not excuse, and I couldnt have helped it, but I didnt which also meant that I couldnt, because if I did, I would have. But why didnt I? Id be damned if I knew.
Maybe it was fate. Maybe it really is better this way. He shouldnt be messing around with me anyway, his wife was starting to get suspicious. Perhaps thats just an excuse, and perhaps thats the will of God. I breeched his trust, but hes no longer cheating on his wife. Whom in a way I guess, he loves. Perhaps he doesnt mean a lot to me in the big scheme of things, and I did matter to him, no one took Sue into the equation. Sure women know when theyre being cheated on, everyone the hell knows when their being cheated on, people are just bad with cheating, especially when it goes beyond just sex.
What does anything matter? I couldnt have gone back to his place anyway. Not after what I did. I felt too much like one big unscrupulous compromise. I dont normally break my word, not when I say it when I really mean it (all those times where I said I would in school just to get out of trouble does not count, because I didnt want to say it in the first place). I had mostly myself to answer to, and of course I cannot do that. And I cant run away from myself, can I. The best I can do is to forget anything happened at all.
And once again, isnt it just amazing how people come into your life, and then leave, and it was as if all that you shared didnt exist. And the future you thought might materialize because you did share something fire catches on easily, doesnt it, and everything burns so completely.
xoxox
Oh well, we all learn. I havent broken my word in a long, long time. Yes I was drunk, but that I suppose isnt much of excuse. But when youre drunk, well, a lot of things get comprimized in the bid to get laid. Its not excuse, and I couldnt have helped it, but I didnt which also meant that I couldnt, because if I did, I would have. But why didnt I? Id be damned if I knew.
Maybe it was fate. Maybe it really is better this way. He shouldnt be messing around with me anyway, his wife was starting to get suspicious. Perhaps thats just an excuse, and perhaps thats the will of God. I breeched his trust, but hes no longer cheating on his wife. Whom in a way I guess, he loves. Perhaps he doesnt mean a lot to me in the big scheme of things, and I did matter to him, no one took Sue into the equation. Sure women know when theyre being cheated on, everyone the hell knows when their being cheated on, people are just bad with cheating, especially when it goes beyond just sex.
What does anything matter? I couldnt have gone back to his place anyway. Not after what I did. I felt too much like one big unscrupulous compromise. I dont normally break my word, not when I say it when I really mean it (all those times where I said I would in school just to get out of trouble does not count, because I didnt want to say it in the first place). I had mostly myself to answer to, and of course I cannot do that. And I cant run away from myself, can I. The best I can do is to forget anything happened at all.
And once again, isnt it just amazing how people come into your life, and then leave, and it was as if all that you shared didnt exist. And the future you thought might materialize because you did share something fire catches on easily, doesnt it, and everything burns so completely.
xoxox
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
zedasex:
You still like this man don't you? Your guilt is proof. Why else would you honor a married man? It seems he's gotten a taste of his own medicine and he doesn't care for the flavor.Explains why he's so upset. At the very least you have achieved equality. Everybody loves to be on top. 
mattereaterlad:
Best journal entry, ever.