Love
Love is subjective, and since Im not looking for everlasting devotion (and frankly dont care much for it if it comes from a good-for-nothing who cannot provide for me) Ill take whatever is tangible. I cant judge love, but I sure as hell can judge good sex and an exquisite quality of life. And they all enhance whatever romantic feeling and passionate sentiment .
Its all very well to say Im shallow, but come on, would you love someone that had nothing just out of love. Im not a bleeding saint with my heart on a cross. I wouldnt love anyone broke, ugly and/or stupid. Look at Vogues most desirable men on Planet Earth or something, how many of them are broke? They are all rich, gorgeous and allright, some are stupid but theyre not stupid enough to be broke, and thats what matters.
Geez, do you think Im that shallow? Money, money, money. I decided to give up on the relationship with Ethan because he couldnt give me enough of what I wanted. Youre wrong and right all at once. I wasnt interested in his money from the start, that he wasnt penniless helped, but that wasnt it. I thought hed spent mostly his money while we were traveling. He treated me very nicely, certainly, but somehow I had the feeling it was mostly his parents, and of course I expected to spend some of my money as well, while traveling, but I did so on the belief that we were both on par financially. My parents didnt give me anything, and they dont. Hell will freeze over the day my dad gives me a sub-card. Thats beside the point though. What Im trying to say is that, part of the reasons because I thought he was something (giving) and he turned out to be less of that.
That is of course me nit-picking. There are so many other things that just made/makes it impossible for me to carry on. Im sure part of it was my fault for not opening my mouth to tell him so, but it simply isnt what I do. You cant change people, they are natural the way they are and thats the way I think they should be allowed to be. Hell be perfect for someone else. And I couldnt say no to him because it would have made me feel guilty. Almost as if hed whisper after Id refuse something; affection, intimate advances, whatever hed whisper, but dont you love me enough to do this? And I really did. And besides, even if I said no and refused his advances, hed torment me all night. It was impossible, ok.
Theres no justification for these kinda things. I cant justify it, completely objectively, and therefore no one can completely objectively criticize. Its just that at this point in time, it was pointless to carry on. It wasnt fair for him, and it wouldnt have been fair to the way I wanted to lead my life either. What is wrong with wanting a relationship in which everything would be provided for, and then some. Its not as romantic as two young lovers honey-mooning in a bunch of third world countries because they were too poor to do so in fancier places, certainly, but either situation has its charms. And at my age, why should I hold myself down if I dont wish to? Its not as romantic for you to read, but its much more comfortable for me to live.
I want someone that can understand, that can control his dick and not fucking try to stick it into me every time were alone, and someone with whom I dont need to worry my bank account over. Someone who can help me live a bit of the life Ive always wanted. Who the hell cares about romantic love if it doesnt come with certain comforts, when you can have both.
Fuck justification, validation, explanation, blabberation blah blah blah. At this point in time in my life, with everything as mad-capped as it is, I can only have enough time for so many people, myself included. And if I was no longer enthusiastic about something, why should I even bother and waste my time or his? I cant be bothered to act anymore.
xoxox
PS: Post not directed to previous comments on SG (not like there were alot anyway, heh!
Love is subjective, and since Im not looking for everlasting devotion (and frankly dont care much for it if it comes from a good-for-nothing who cannot provide for me) Ill take whatever is tangible. I cant judge love, but I sure as hell can judge good sex and an exquisite quality of life. And they all enhance whatever romantic feeling and passionate sentiment .
Its all very well to say Im shallow, but come on, would you love someone that had nothing just out of love. Im not a bleeding saint with my heart on a cross. I wouldnt love anyone broke, ugly and/or stupid. Look at Vogues most desirable men on Planet Earth or something, how many of them are broke? They are all rich, gorgeous and allright, some are stupid but theyre not stupid enough to be broke, and thats what matters.
Geez, do you think Im that shallow? Money, money, money. I decided to give up on the relationship with Ethan because he couldnt give me enough of what I wanted. Youre wrong and right all at once. I wasnt interested in his money from the start, that he wasnt penniless helped, but that wasnt it. I thought hed spent mostly his money while we were traveling. He treated me very nicely, certainly, but somehow I had the feeling it was mostly his parents, and of course I expected to spend some of my money as well, while traveling, but I did so on the belief that we were both on par financially. My parents didnt give me anything, and they dont. Hell will freeze over the day my dad gives me a sub-card. Thats beside the point though. What Im trying to say is that, part of the reasons because I thought he was something (giving) and he turned out to be less of that.
That is of course me nit-picking. There are so many other things that just made/makes it impossible for me to carry on. Im sure part of it was my fault for not opening my mouth to tell him so, but it simply isnt what I do. You cant change people, they are natural the way they are and thats the way I think they should be allowed to be. Hell be perfect for someone else. And I couldnt say no to him because it would have made me feel guilty. Almost as if hed whisper after Id refuse something; affection, intimate advances, whatever hed whisper, but dont you love me enough to do this? And I really did. And besides, even if I said no and refused his advances, hed torment me all night. It was impossible, ok.
Theres no justification for these kinda things. I cant justify it, completely objectively, and therefore no one can completely objectively criticize. Its just that at this point in time, it was pointless to carry on. It wasnt fair for him, and it wouldnt have been fair to the way I wanted to lead my life either. What is wrong with wanting a relationship in which everything would be provided for, and then some. Its not as romantic as two young lovers honey-mooning in a bunch of third world countries because they were too poor to do so in fancier places, certainly, but either situation has its charms. And at my age, why should I hold myself down if I dont wish to? Its not as romantic for you to read, but its much more comfortable for me to live.
I want someone that can understand, that can control his dick and not fucking try to stick it into me every time were alone, and someone with whom I dont need to worry my bank account over. Someone who can help me live a bit of the life Ive always wanted. Who the hell cares about romantic love if it doesnt come with certain comforts, when you can have both.
Fuck justification, validation, explanation, blabberation blah blah blah. At this point in time in my life, with everything as mad-capped as it is, I can only have enough time for so many people, myself included. And if I was no longer enthusiastic about something, why should I even bother and waste my time or his? I cant be bothered to act anymore.
xoxox
PS: Post not directed to previous comments on SG (not like there were alot anyway, heh!
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PS: Im quite broke but at least Ive got 2 beds and good matresses haha!