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santianna

Singapore

SG Since 2004

Followers 1624 Following 669

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Monday Jan 17, 2005

Jan 17, 2005
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Moral Quacks

I dont really write much about the whole racial thing any more because I generally dont like to think of people in terms of the colour of their skin. I think it quite unfair actually, how so many local people can find it logical to slander someone based on their choice of lifestyle and partner, and accuse me of being racist against my own. If I am racist against my own race, then so are they, because last time I checked, Im still Chinese, and damn proud of the fact that I am.

Concerning myself with my own ethnic culture is not something I do at all, but this is what I was born into, and if you cannot do anything about it, then why not just be proud of what you were given?

It is shocking how people easily determine SPGs (I actually dont quite like the term, because with some people its a demonizing, racist label, but lets just stick with it for conveniences sake) as trash just because of their choice on partner. I do not see why that should be, since people are people, and should be allowed to pursue what they want, to the business of no one else. It is completely absurd. Just because my partner has white skin, Im trash? Perhaps. Because if my boyfriend were Chinese, then thatll be more normal, and therefore I cannot be cracker-scrap. But if you think logically, and know that skin colour is just a fucking colour, then I would be chink-trash.

But whatever. Thats the way the world behaves with racial minorities. If theyve a better lot in society, theyre hated, and if theyve a lower lot, theyre mocked. And better or worse, were all parodied. The answer to avoiding that is to get married after graduating from NUS to a school-mate (preferably of similar race, and from a top-notch Junior College), buying a HDB flat or a condo in the suburbs, and having 2.1 kids.

II find it fascinating always how some people can accuse me of being shallow in my romantic/sexual preference for white guys, and then proceed thereafter to judge me based upon my looks. Or how they can say my choices, based on affluence and generally what I find attractive is shallow, materialistic and prejudiced, and then later on proceed to spite me by saying that Ill never find true love because after-all, no one wants a used bicycle.

So were both equally shallow. I base my choices for a partner on affluence and looks, and you base yours on looks and a figure (i.e. how many people the individual has slept with in the past).

Have you ever noticed how moral bigots are always accusing other people before actually looking upon themselves and realizing how full of bigotry they are themselves? Some one emailed me the other day, saying that he didnt think hed like to come on and live in Singapore, because people here come across as incredibly shallow. The women especially. Well, people here are incredibly shallow, and insecure to boot, but not just the women. If you take a look at the local mens magazines, youll see the men can be equally as bad. But somehow, for some reason, the pursuit for physical beauty is more accepted then the pursuit for wealth. Women are under pressure to look gorgeous, while men suffer status anxiousity in the striving for affluence, but the former, for some reason or another, is more easily capitalized upon.

Ill say it: As a demographic, I hate both local men and expatriates. The former, because theyre cruel in their insecurity, racist, and chauvinistic. Sometime ago, a friend of mine had her modeling portfolio scattered all over a local forum, and the boys there were all saying horrid things like how ugly she was. She isnt vaguely unattractive; and my conclusion is that they are intimidated by confidence in smart and beautiful women.

And I hate expatriates, as a demographic, because they somehow seem to be given a better lot in Singaporean society. The ones I know personally generally deserve the pay and the benefits they get, and I believe most of them actually are talented enough to warrant their salaries. It is not that they are overpaid that upsets me, because they arent, but that local people are underpaid. That (I think, and feel free to disagree, but politely, please!) companies give them greater and more opportunities to succeed, then they do with their local employees. But of course one must always consider the fact that most of these companies are not local in the first place, and would therefore perhaps- feel an affinity towards expatriates from where the country of their origin (note I did not say white expats, but rather expats in general). Actually, THIS article will say exactly what Im feeling.

Above all, I think this society just need to grown up and become comfortable with itself. In the past year, I know I have. It is completely untrue that I feel affection only towards white guys. I generally relate to the people I have relationships with as people, whatever colour their skin and whatever standing they have in life. No way do I think they are superior to us as a race, but as romantic partners lets just say, to each her own. I know what I prefer, and no one has a right to criticize that. I dont criticize the local boys for being shallow for wanting a 34-22-34 figure on their women (I still get emails for local guys saying that Im fat, believe it or not. Im completely resigned to the fact that Ill never be slim enough for them, so why even bother).

You want to know what I think about Singapore? I cannot say I hate it, because I do not, but Ive no feeling for it either. What I feel is this: I want to get out. And maybe thats why I generally dont like the company of local men, because too many of them are too rooted in the country. The truth is, Ive no problem relating to those that do not; the ones that want to leave as well. Fine, Im not patriotic, but was there ever a doubt to that?

Oh, I am proud of being Singaporean. There are so many things in this country to be proud of. But just like how I can be proud of the fact that I actually made a good physics student, back when I studied physics, but yet hate the subject quite violently at the same time; I can think this country is delightful in so many ways, through observing it passively, but feel absolutely repressed and suffocated when I actually realize Ive been living in it for far too long.

And someone actually made me think about this the other day, and Ive come to the conclusion that one of the reasons why I like dating expats is the fact that they help me escape. Im getting out of here soon, but in the meanwhile I have to make do. Its nearly embarrassing I think, this constant striving to break away from the nauseating uneventful-ness that characterizes this place. Ive no idea about why I feel this way. All the world strives from the same mundane things, economic growth, smaller waistlines, more and more material possessions. But somehow, I get the sense that all that does not characterize the existence of many other societies, as much as it seems to characterize ours. Its the whole question of whos living to work, and whos working to live.

I am completely disturbed, upset, confused and betrayed by this society.

Aside from the fact that I believe all individuals should strive for completely independence on ones self, I never criticized anyone else for the choices they make in the way they wished to live their life. And I do not see why they should criticize mine, or anyone elses. (But this society, darling, has nothing else to do but criticize and complain).

It has always occurred to me that it is always the people who think they are completely moral that attempt to hurt other people by insulting and condemning. But seldom the other way round.

I hate this place and I want to go away for a very long time.

xoxox
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
miyu:
Hmmmmm.......

You've said a lot that I've felt in my home.
You're right, men who are intimidated by strong women resort to cheap shots and low blows usually about looks, intelligence or something generally only associated with women. We are called bitches when we act more aggressive or act "more like men".

You have a preference and that is your preference and no one elses. In general people who are afraid or dislike themselves will resort to putting down superficial things in another. Take for example, I just had an intense fight with my own brother. He put me down in every way possible...job, lifestyle, how I treat people, you name it, he said it. Very cruel. However, his comments are based on things he has no idea about, things he sees on the surface but neglects to know the inside story. Many people are like this.....we all fall prey to it in some way and to others it is a way of life.

Women are still expected to be demure, virginal and the perfect wife no matter how many coats of feminism are placed on top. Granted, feminism has done wonders but old habits die hard.

The person who wrote you an e-mail.....I wonder what they are up to currently? Who are they to decide?

I love/hate my home as much. I feel stiffled here and yet still love that I'm here and able to do what I do. It's in our nature to be different and follow a different road. It took my ugly fight with someone I loved to rediscover I am where I am because I choose it and I am different because I have to be.
Keep looking to where you want to be.....

"In extreme situations, the entire universe becomes our foe, at such critical times, unity of mind and technique is essential- do not let your heart waver!"
- Morihei Ueshiba
Jan 19, 2005
gabriel_rain:
That was very well said. I can relate to a lot of what you said. i was born in Cali, Colombia and get a lot of shit for it saying that I'm a drug lord. Its the 10% that make the rest look bad. For relationships I have always valued and look for people of different nationalities. I love to learn about different cultures. you are very beautiful and shouldn't be treated like crap because of skin color, but people will continue to be what they're taught. I am proud to be Colombian and Caleno means that I'm from Cali. I say be proud of your country and who you are, but break free when you can. to all that criticize you and say stupid things, from what you wrote your very intelligent and from your pictures your very beautiful, so they are ignorant and don't deserve to be in your presence. Take Care and Good Luck on your escape. smile

[Edited on Jan 20, 2005 4:09PM]
Jan 20, 2005

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