santianna

The G-Spot asked if Id like to drop by his place late last night, and I did. I wasnt going to have the time otherwise, and he would be leaving this weekend, so I thought Id just better. He was lovely company as usual, and we cuddled up in bed watching Stealing Beauty, a pretty bizarre movie with Liv Tyler and Jeremy Irons in it.

It was great spending the night cuddling with him. I dont actually I feel so much sadness as I feel melancholy.

Hows the past year been to you?
Not fantastic. Quite boring actually, but I did meet some cool people. Youre definitely one of the girls Ill remember, Ill miss you. I really like you; weve always been chill, havent we.

I couldnt disagree.

Wish Id had more time with you though.
Oh yeah. Im sure I pissed you off several times pertaining to that
I laughed and shook my head. Not really, no. Maybe once or twice, but otherwise, youve always been great. The first was the time you put me in a cab when I clearly wanted to go home with you
Ah that. Well, you know how youre always wanting to have sex when you get drunk, and Im just too tired. Its not a good thing to reject a girl in bed, so better at the exit of a club
I shrug and snuggle into his tummy (not that he really has one. Its more like a washboard then a stomach) And the other time was when you scooted from me after the play. Id not seen you for so long then, and I really, really wanted to spend some time with you..!

Oddly, we didnt talk about the girl hed fucked on his bed, while I was sleeping upon it too. That was weird, but its one of the things that happened with him around that I remember most. Down to the last bit where I drooled all over his arm the next morning, and he was completely chilled out about it.

He had to rush off the next morning because we woke up really late and hed some appointments to make up for. Im not the only person hell be leaving behind, thats for sure. I texted him to say Id really miss him, and he replied likewise.

I actually think he really would like to see me again. He keeps asking me if Ill go to that school in the city where hell be leaving for in a couple of months. I actually think I will. Hes really one of the few guys I feel completely great with, and would not like to forget. Ever. I think theres him, Martine and Ethan, in no particular order really.

I really must fix up my schedule for the next few months. If Ethan and I work out well this holiday, I will go visit him in May. Then Chris should be taking me to Paris in March, I think. Ill try to bully him into it. Things are looking pretty fun indeed.

Martine made me sad today though. Id been busy for a long time, and so had he, and tonight was actually the only night both of us could take some time out, and he had to leave me half-way though the date. Apparently some insane ex-lover (he has many of those) called him up confirming then canceling then confirming again her stop-over to Singapore. It really pissed me off because I thought he was crazy to compensate my company for hers, since he kept on saying that she was crazy.

Hed just called me to say that shed arrived at the airport and was going to spend the night with him. I dont suppose Im really upset about it, just really annoyed. At any rate, theres nothing I can do, I dont wish to stress him out any more then he already is (its not his fault he cant refuse women that demand so much from him, and I hate seeing him stressed out). I feel like screaming and punching him in the face sometimes, right in the middle of the street, but I know thats no use. Hes probably just tell me to fuck off. The only way to do it (and I am doing it) is to play the guilt factor.

He had been insisting I go home for about 5 minutes as we walked back to his place, and eventually I gave up trailing him and made a turn.

I was very hurt of course, and I looked at him (with the most hurt expression I could muster). Come here. I told him, tugging the collar of his shirt. Kiss me allright, Ill leave you alone tonight if thats what you want.

He looks at me like hes really distressed. Its not what I want seora. I know Im too soft, I really should do something about myself, but I cant refuse her now that shes on her way down already. I suppose I should have denied her when she emailed me a couple of days ago

You really need to be harsher then. Youre compromising everything youd rather do, for things youd rather not! Liz, now here, not that I should be presumption and presume youd rather be with me then her of course. Yes darling, you need to be harsher.

He pulls me towards him and presses my forehead against his and whispers, So Im practicing it on you.

Of course I knew he was just teasing, but just there and then, at that point in time, it was what I felt (although I know as sure as hell he wasnt doing it intentionally). But I looked at him completely shocked and not to mention, quite mad.

I know he does sound mean, disrespectful, and just plain inconsiderate to my feelings, but I dont really blame him. I make it sound as if Ive none anyway. Oh Martine, its allright, its fine if you have to wake up early tomorrow, its fine if youve to call Liz in the middle of the night, its fine of youve to play me out to fetch a psychotic ex-love from the airport and let her sleep with you tonight. Im allright, Ive things to do at home.

Yes, Im fine. Ill see you, going back to work out. I told him, trying to pry myself away from his hand grasping my shoulder.

He sighed, picked up my hand and walked me down a little further along the street.

I just dont see the point in you coming over to my place. Ive to call Liz when I get back, then Ive to pick up that woman from the airport

I appreciate how you try to spend quality time with me, but sometimes Id just like being around you, you know. Its so frustrating. Never mind, Ill go home, maybe Ill see you tomorrow.

Fuck whatever. He is taking advantage of me, and I know it. And I cant do anything about it. If I give him an attitude, hed just not bother with me. I know he cant stand attitude. All I can do is look hurt, and feel hurt, and hope that he knows it. Basta.

xoxox