santianna

I had dinner with Mr. Big sometime back. We still hang out sometimes, although not much these days. He has his life and I have mine, and it was good to have spent all that time with him, but things have faded out pretty much these days. I wont use fade away though, because I dont believe in that. In my life, people I really get to know somehow just dont do that, and I quite like it this way.

Id been telling him about my New Years exploits, and I must have said something about how I went out with every intention of scoring. He gave a sharp laugh, shook his head as in half- disbelief (only half, because he knows thats Im perfectly capable of thinking in such a manner) and said I was behaving like I had a dick. A stud then, I thought. Maybe thats where the difference lies; slut kinda has a passive connotation to it. Guys come by and you choose, nothing wrong with that of course, but its a lot more fun doing the hunting.

I realized a few days ago that Im quite incapable of looking at a guy I find attractive in some way and not wanting to posses him. And usually for a few, very select reasons, and how physically attractive they are, especially in the conventional sense, is not one of them. As long as they look pleasant enough, I wont let it come in the way of how shall I put it taking pleasure in a fascinating dish.

There is nothing more attractive then a guy with a good sense of humour and an ability to express himself easily and comfortably. Theyve got to have a character that I feel like Id want to make love to. And I suppose if I really do, then Ill not refuse myself the pleasure. There never is any urgency though, I think the most fascinating sort of sex is with people you think you know, and never slept with, but fantasize about often. Then sleeping with them would be like finding out if youre any good at metaphysics (in this case, Id be referring to divination).

Now there is this one person But hes always busy

***

On a note contrary to that, Id left the G-Spot this afternoon earlier then I though (he got busy, but promised hed make time for me this Thursday. I begged him to wean me off for his leave-taking this weekend. *sigh* I might actually miss the privilege to call him out at awkward time slots, and I will definitely miss the absurd stories. Hes the only one that can beat me when it comes to weird shit happening to an individual. Beauty does attract adventure).

Went to the little caf in the bookstore and sat there for a good long while reading a pointless novel that was partially inspired by de Sade, but written with a lot more compassion. The story isnt really about anything aside from the city and the people that exist within it. Pages upon pages of romantic, nostalgic discourse deconstructing the soul. Exactly like the sort of novel Id like to write someday, altogether very poetic. And I felt myself thinking many times, that I actually missed just being with one person. That Im not faithful is not part of the equation, I just kinda miss seeing one person often, over a substantial period of time. Id start waxing nonsense about getting used to that one particular individual and all like I actually know how it would feel like. I dont, its been a long time since Id done anything like it. Mr. Big may come close, but I never really started feeling very comfortable with him until much more recently. Personality clash, I dont know actually. I think Id just expected too much then, and gotten too little.

Well, Ill be spending one entire month with Ethan, no one else and everyday. I know itll be a lot of fun, just because Ive never done anything like it before. That same someone for every second lived, for a whole month. Of course one would presume one month = fun, one year = not too pleasant and ah, what about one lifetime then? Obsessive? Romantic? Too profound for the English language perhaps?

xoxox