santianna

Kenneth couldnt believe the situation hed ended up in. It was quite unpleasant, according his usual taste for all things mellow and safe. What would his mother say, he thought, if she knew what was happening to him at the moment. Club Koyaanisquatsi, what a bitter laugh, he thought. He had certainly slipped far down the greasy pole of middle-aged loser-dom, shit job, overweight, no sex, and his only form of salvation was a chaste girl called Lynette Ang, desperate to marry and have kids before her mother died. And Mrs Ang did not have long to live, according to the numerous fortune tellers Lynette had consulted over the past year.

Then there was Club Koyaanisquatsi, the chapel of hedonistic religiosity, the house that promises to save the fallen and the lost in life. The place to denounce self-denial, renounce the conservative ideologies of the world.

That strange woman, Vanessa, had invited him here, two, three weeks ago. Hed come back a handful of times since, this could easily be his eight visit. He was still uncomfortable, and there were many things that he dare not attempt yet, but Vanessa had told him it wasnt a problem.

We dont expect you to accept everything the first time youre here of course, or even after youve been around for months. Take your time, make hedonism your thing, you know. I know its difficult changing your perceptions about what constitutes as level headed behaviour, but your fear for free love, bondage, sado-masochism, orgies, shouldnt be translated into the belief that these things are necessarily perverse. As long as it is voluntary, it should be accepted. She had told him, the first time he had come round after she had picked him up at Jasons.

She hadnt told him what it was all about when shed met him, although she had hinted quite obviously. He had been looking at the chocolate bars on the whole food shelf, 100% organic, high in protein, anti-oxidants, good cholesterol, but laden with three hundred calories or the equivalent of one meal under his new diet. He picked it up and looked at it hard, but while he was trying to rationalize that it really was okay to have it, Vanessa, wielding a fancy laptop case, dressed in a well tailored white blouse and comfortably snug trousers came up to him and started tormenting his peace.

She was beyond beautiful, with straight, smooth dark hair tied tightly into a French braid and a body like a stallion, her pale breasts nearly spilling out of an indecently buttoned blouse. But she had an expression of utmost contempt when she looked at him that only abated after hed let her talk awhile.

On a diet? She said, giving him a lopsided smile that spoke of contempt and a gross fascination with his shape.

He looked up at her glumly, a little confused. She raised an eyebrow, Well?, It said. Her smile taunted him for an answer.

Uh yes. On a diet. He replied, reluctantly, eyeing her gorgeous figure with only the slightest tinge of envy.

She chuckled audibly before stopping herself by jamming her teeth on the end of her thumbnail.

Sorry, sorry. I couldnt help it. But I know exactly what youre problem is. She said.

Kenneth didnt know whether to feel angry and insulted, or flattered that a woman like her was even interested enough in him to say more than hi. She certainly looked at him with contempt, but there was also an undeniable interest in her eyes that had vestiges beyond a cruel desire to make fun of him

Perhaps his embarrassment at being seen like an alien object showed on his face, and her expression softened. She apologized if she had seemed to be making fun of him.

I know how you feel. She said. And I know what you need to do. You need to stop being afraid of life. When the excitement of other things becomes the chief motivation in your life then the lazy comfort of food is less of a necessity.

Kenneth looked at her blankly for a moment before he managed to absorb what she just said.

Uh okay. He replied, dumbly.

Youll be interested in it one day. Come to my place for dinner tonight. Forget your diet. Ill make sure of it. She said, smiling, her lips curling excitedly. Kenneth swore that look she gave him was carnivorous, but he pushed it out of his mind almost as immediately as it occurred to him.

She pulled out her loyalty card for a club called Koyaanisquatsi, with her name and number on it, and told him to call her later in the evening.

Just before nine. Let me get my apartment in order and cook up a little something before you arrive. Dont play me out. She said, before turning on her heel and walking away.

He had turned up that night, and the last couple of weeks had seen the most bizarre days of his otherwise mundane existence. Club Koyaanisquatsi had turned out to be a little exclusive place for sexual perversion of all manner, and although it had frightened him initially, and he had run away, he came back soon enough. The decision had been sealed when the morning after the daunting first introduction, Lynette called before dawn to tell him how much she loved him, and would he please quickly decide on a date for the marriage so she could have her fucking babies and they could live together in her flat somewhere in the arse of Singapore.

Club Koyaanisquatsi frightened his balls off, but it was a fantasy like hed never experienced before. He put down the phone on Lynette with a smouldering anger inside him, not against the poor girl, but against himself. That he had been so afraid all his life, and stayed fearful to attempt the uncharted experiences of sensation. That was the exact phrase Vanessa used, and he quite liked the sound of it.

Two, three weeks later, he felt completely at home in the smoky penthouse on the twentieth floor, with its low, jazzy lights and strange, beautiful people indulging themselves in every corner on every device, contraption, mechanism the club had to offer.

It was a Thursday night today, and he was having problems finding something he was comfortable with playing with to add another stamp to his loyalty card. Hed exhausted the number of times he could claim credit for getting his bottom paddled by the newly initiated dominatrix, and hed done with the horse hair whip as well. That, he thought was quite unpleasant and unexciting, and was no different from getting a tattoo. He looked at the girls lying on the dining tables, having sushi eaten off their bodies, and wished he could do that for credit. But people had to invite you to serve them, and only the most gorgeous ever had any opportunity at all. That actually looked exciting, and relatively easy, although he wasnt quite sure about the wasabi on the balls.

Vanessa came into the room and spotted him almost immediately; she had a knack of doing that. Kenneth felt like her pet project of late, it seemed that she was adamant about turning him into one of Koyaanisquatsi clergy, the sexiest, most bourgeois individuals in the family, a term Vanessa often liked to use when she referred to the members of the club. He thought she was out of her mind of course. Those people were like her. They were really rich in real life, they were sexy, and when they werent spanking each other in lion cages, they discussed Derrida and the possibility of comprehending infinity over expensive cigars late into the night.

She invited him to have dinner with her, and as he passed the statue of the gargoyle that he thought looked vaguely like an armadillo, he dropped some money into it, making sure to do so only when Vanessa was clearly not looking. He was ashamed of the amount of money he could afford to put into the donation box. No matter how often Vanessa told him the club was rich enough, and as long as he was willing to learn, money was not an issue, he would always feel ashamed of being unable to contribute more.

They settled at a table, and as soon as they both took their seats, a girl dressed in a Kimono came over, throwing herself onto the table they both sat at, her gown tearing apart as her body splattered on to the black marble. Another girl followed and started laying sushi on her. Kenneth had gone through the whole routine every night as soon as hed come here right after work, but he still cringed when the wasabi went onto the girls clit.

As soon as the girl had thrown herself onto the table and assumed a coma, a few other people came and joined them at the long bench. Seating themselves politely on either side of her, cross-legged on tatami mats. Vanessa broke the polite silence by saying grace; Thank you for the body upon which we nourish ourselves, for her absolute worthiness as an individual, and ours, and our right to help ourselves to all the pleasures of life. The right to get drunk on the beauty and autonomy of our existence from death and eternity. Amen.

She picked up a piece of sushi, dipped it in the puddle of soy sauce poured into the cavity of the girls belly, and pressed it against the pearl of wasabi on her clit. Everyone else follow suit, eating neatly and slowly, occasionally pausing to sip from little cups of sake. Some people had polite conversation about nothing much; the couple across Kenneth seemed to be contemplating inviting the Jewish businessman that delivered bagels to their office to the club. Then the lady beside Vanessa decided to break the prevailing protocol and started eating sushi off the girls body without her chopsticks. She climbed on top of the girl and picked a piece off her shoulder with her teeth, dipped it in soy, rubbed it against her clit and tilted her head allowing it to fall into her mouth. Everyone followed suit. Kenneth didnt however, he never felt worthy, no matter how many times Vanessa said that prayer.

There were seven people now, all licking, sucking, fondling, licking, jostling one another, kissing one another. But mostly they teased the girl, and she tried her best to bear the sensation without revealing that she felt anything. Some of the men had taken their cocks out and were slapping it on her face, her breasts. The woman that had been seating beside Vanessa had sat on the girls face, and Kenneth felt embarrassed for looking at the man with his cock trying to get into the girl, and wishing he could have his place.

The girl on the table was so little and so pretty, she looked barely eighteen and he wondered who she was and how shed ended up here. But she was no slave. He saw her lips curled in a self satisfied smile as the man above her gasp, his cock having finally managed to force itself into her.

Vanessa asked to look at his card, and he gave it to her, uncertainly. She had a habit of suggesting, quite forcefully, he try things he wasnt ready for. But then again, if she never had, he would never have done anything. He had been to mellower clubs like Koyaanisquatsi before, and all hed done was sit down in a corner nursing his drink with a confused errection in his pants, too afraid to join in anything, and much too shy anyway.

She looked at him with a glimmer in her eye when she saw hed used up all the level one tasks, and nodded knowingly to herself.

She pointed to the medical table, and Kenneth reeled with fear.

Youre crazy! Theres no way in hell. He shouted over the din of Rammstein singing in rather bad english and the madness going on in the rest of the club.

Of for gods sake, of course Im not asking a sex change operation out of you. Go on, try it, trust me. You wont get hurt. Have you ever gotten hurt?

Kenneth thought angrily to himself that he most certainly did, but then remembered that getting hurt to Vanessa meant being mutilated beyond recovery without medical help. Anything that your body could naturally get over with, was fine.

Look, its the easiest thing for you to do at this point in time. All you have to do is take this. She said, handing him a little blue pill.

But I dont have erectile dysfunction. He said, a little distraught at not knowing what manner of weirdness was about to happen to him.

Surely when something good is offered, you dont reject it. You might think its nonsense now, but youll see it isnt. Why do we have to keep on having this conversation every time something new is introduced to you? She asked, her voice pleading and tired. She pushed a lock of hair from her face in frustration and half glared at him accusatorily, her eyes saying, Why are you so difficult? Its your freedom Im fighting for here.

Kenneth looked at her, feeling a little ashamed. He knew she wasnt completely right about certain things, but he was certain of becoming less and less afraid of life with every session. He was also become more clear in his head about the problem of his impending marriage to Lynette, the marriage was not going to happen. He didnt need her any more, her constant worry to have children, her indelible hold on his financial security, that she had money, not like it was much, and he didnt. Fuck that.

He shot down a glass of whisky with the pill and went to the table. She stood in front of him, tall, harsh and hard, and watch him as a young boy and girl came to remove his clothing. She could see how insecure he still was about his body, and rightly so, she thought. The girl pulled his pants down unfeelingly, brutally, and she felt pity at how soft he was around his stomach. The hair that grew in patches just above his crotch. He had an awful slouch, and slightly sallow skin on the areas he never allowed to see the sun. And he was the only one, Vanessa thought, in this whole damn place, that looked truly naked when he had his clothes off. He wanted to be like the other men and women, to be like her. Wrap himself up in a Calvin Klein body, polish himself with artificial vitamin D, be moulded like an action figure in the gym. He needed a diet, a workout ever so often, but there was something so raw Vanessa was drawn to in his soft, unpolished body. His body both fascinated and repulsed.

She told him to lie on the table, and uncertainly, but with utmost resignation, he did. He lay there and said nothing, even though he felt slightly ridiculous upon it, the sensation of ridicule increasing as Vanessa strapped him onto the table with thick leather belts, securing his calves and his shoulders onto the cold metal slab. By now, the pills contents was starting to course through his blood, and he had an errection as massive as any he could ever have in his life, and he felt certain he was going to have a heart attack.

He expected Vanessa to leave him in a moment like she always did after shed made sure he wasnt going to go anywhere, and for another girl to take over. But this time, she didnt go anywhere.

She leaned over him on the table, her face so close to his he could feel her breath on his cheek, and she smiled and said, So, are you any different now.

I dont get what you mean. He replied.

Now. From then. Two weeks ago. She said.

I dont know. He replied. I mean. I dont know what you mean.

Liar. She said, her voice laden with maliciousness as she climbed over him and hitched up the skirt of her dress.

You do not debase my efforts Just Like That by being an idiot. Think. Its been different, hasnt it. Youd have come in your pants two weeks ago if I did this to you. She said, lowering herself over him. Her perfume was strong and it made him dizzy, and as unlikely as he thought it was, he got harder.

She pulled out a knife hidden in her garter and pressed the blunt edge against his chest. She smiled when he cringed and looked at her, afraid. She lowered herself onto him, her cunt against his errection, and he felt just what she was like for the first time. His hardness pressed against her but wouldnt go in, he was slightly too big. He felt embarrassed. He knew he would come soon, too soon for Vanessas liking, and he would feel so ashamed. It was absurd, everything was. He wasnt like one of Them, all these people had monstrous egos, and rightly so. He was a little turd their priestess had taken a fancy to, and that was all he would ever be in this place.

But being Lynettes little turd would be worse, he reminded himself, and closed his eyes, trying to think about other things so he couldnt come.

He felt her press herself against him, trying to push his errection in and in, but she remained closed. She pushed harder, he felt uncomfortable, she was too dry. But she didnt care, forcing herself hard, onto him. She was wet inside, and he went in easily the moment shed forced herself open. Her crotch slammed painfully against his, and she gasped with satisfaction. Looking at her under half closed lids, she pulled the knife away from his chest and placed it slowly, sharp edge down, against the area just above his collar bone.

Dont move. She said. It will hurt.

The table split open slightly, vertically down the middle of the bottom half, where his legs were, just enough to pull his buttocks apart. Vanessa remained straddled over him, her knife against his flesh, rocking herself on his errection. He couldnt think about that though; under him, under the table, something or someone was running a piece of wet, cold cloth between his buttocks, and he couldnt stop himself from shivering with anxiousness.

He knew there was no point in asking her, so he bit his lip and repeated in his head that everything would be fine. That was one of the all consuming, over-riding rules of the club. No one died, no one got irreversibly hurt unless they did it to themselves; everything would be fine.

He would have gasp and jerked himself into the knife if not for the strap holding his shoulder down. A sharp pain seared through his anal orifice without warning, and he could feel himself starting to cry, This was truly horrid. He knew what had gone inside him, hed seen it before, it looked completely innocent when you observed it passively, the smoothest, wettest dildo ever, but it hurt if youd never tried it before.

Vanessa looked at him, slightly concerned for the first time ever, but erased any trace of the emotion almost instantaneously. But shed clearly lost her desire to carry on, and unsaddled him, putting the knife back into the holster on her garter and smoothing her skirt down. She looked at him for a moment before she decided to remove the dildo from his bottom.

You didnt say stop. She said, looking at him, curious, pleased and a little triumphal.

No. I supposed I didnt. Id become so used to believing everything will be fine. Kenneth said when he recovered and Vanessa had removed the straps binding him.

Vanessa nodded her head like she had heard that said many time before and walked away distractedly without bidding him good night.

He put on his clothes in a daze and decided to go home. Hed would normally linger for a while after he had fulfilled his criteria for the night, watching the things other members did to themselves and wonder how they managed it. Hed look at them attempting stunts hed never imagined, real whips, real knives, iron rods that were smouldering from a fresh fire. He wanted to try them all each and everyone to prove he wasnt a wimp. More and more, the appeal of club Koyaanisquatsi grew upon him, and the fear they had for him as foreign and dangerous, as machines and mindsets that threatened to kill the order of what he believed to be right, and was supposed to be good for him waned.

It was no worse, no better. If anything, he wasnt so afraid any longer of things that couldnt actually hurt him, and even of things that could but what did that matter.

When he came home that night, his mother was waiting for him, sitting on the ratty old couch, watching television, but not concentrating on what was going on.

Where were you? She asked.

Drinking. He replied.

Youve been doing a lot of that lately. Lynette called again and again all day, she says youve not been answering your handphone. Youre getting married in less than a fortnight! Dont you have any sense of responsibility at all? She said, her voice desperate.

Yes. I dont love Lynette.

Of course you do. Youve been dating her for years now. She said.

That means nothing. Ill call her, Im not marrying her. He replied, as calmly as he could.

The hell you are. His mother cursed.

Im thirty-four! Youve got no right to tell me what to do. Kenneth said, angrily. Angry at his mother for never letting him grow up, angry at himself for getting angry and staying angry at her. He really shouldnt.

Yes. Yes you are thirty four, and you are living with your parents, still. We are supporting you, still. Im sick of it. You make me so ashamed. She said, her shoulders sagging.

I should be ashamed. I am ashamed, Kenneth said, his voice filled with resignation. Ill leave. Next week, I promise.

His mother nodded her head dismissively.

Leave. Go and join your new religion. Its disgusting, I dont want you here. She said, standing up and throwing at him a map of the club that Vanessa had given him when hed first joined.

She went into her bedroom, turning off the lights as she did, leaving Kenneth in the dark. He felt sorry that things had turned out like that, but he was so tired of living a life dictated by people that thought they knew better, and he didnt want to give a shit about them any more, any longer.

Fuck. Them.