I came to the strangest insight tonight while talking to my client, who I should really call my best friend... I no longer need comfort food. For example, right now I have a half eaten bag of M&M's in my fridge. Usually in this realisation, I would jump at the chance to eat them. It would take all my will not to touch them and leave them in the fridge. Now, the thought of eating them doesn't even enter my head. It's like the dark cloud that was hanging over me is now gone. For the first time in a long time I feel free. Free to be myself, free to do as I please, free to be with those who make me happy. I always thought I had true freedom before, but it was more like a bag that I pulled over my own head to hide the fact that I was unhappy with life. I have new goals, new hope and a renewed friendship.
Over that last week, I have spent the most amazing time with a person who I have always admired and who I now wish I had spent more time with in the past. I never knew I could have such an amazing friendship. We are like two old spirts coming back together after a long time apart. She is the most beautiful person I know. Last night we sat up till 5 in the morning talking about the most random shit to come out of our mouths. I don't think I have ever done that with anyone, or atleast it has been such a long time that I can't remember any past occurance. Why is it that what you thought you wanted never seems to be right? She is amazing though...
As a decliration of intent, I currently weigh approximently 114kgs... and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and being discusted. I was at the gym the other week and was swearing at myself and almost bringing myself to tears with the discontent I felt for msyelf. Yes, that's right, even big scary metalheads have self-esteem issues. No longer will I put up with being unhappy and looking out for eveyone else's happiness. Making myself uncomfortable, to make other's lives eaiser. Come July, I will be in the best physical condition of my adult life.
This is not for you SG friends, this is not for you Suicide Girls, this is not for anyone else who may be reading. This is for me, because in the 23 years of my life, I now realise that I have never placed myself in front of anyone else, unless you've find yourself in a most pit with me, in which case I would have fought to have put myself in front of you. I love helping people. I love making people feel good about themselves. It's why I am a over qualified disability support worker. It's why I want to become a counsellor. But I can't keep putting my own happiness aside for others. I will no longer hold a bag over my head and claim to be happy.
I am happy. Life is beautiful. I am metal. There is no hate...
Keep rocking!!!
Dan
Over that last week, I have spent the most amazing time with a person who I have always admired and who I now wish I had spent more time with in the past. I never knew I could have such an amazing friendship. We are like two old spirts coming back together after a long time apart. She is the most beautiful person I know. Last night we sat up till 5 in the morning talking about the most random shit to come out of our mouths. I don't think I have ever done that with anyone, or atleast it has been such a long time that I can't remember any past occurance. Why is it that what you thought you wanted never seems to be right? She is amazing though...
As a decliration of intent, I currently weigh approximently 114kgs... and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and being discusted. I was at the gym the other week and was swearing at myself and almost bringing myself to tears with the discontent I felt for msyelf. Yes, that's right, even big scary metalheads have self-esteem issues. No longer will I put up with being unhappy and looking out for eveyone else's happiness. Making myself uncomfortable, to make other's lives eaiser. Come July, I will be in the best physical condition of my adult life.
This is not for you SG friends, this is not for you Suicide Girls, this is not for anyone else who may be reading. This is for me, because in the 23 years of my life, I now realise that I have never placed myself in front of anyone else, unless you've find yourself in a most pit with me, in which case I would have fought to have put myself in front of you. I love helping people. I love making people feel good about themselves. It's why I am a over qualified disability support worker. It's why I want to become a counsellor. But I can't keep putting my own happiness aside for others. I will no longer hold a bag over my head and claim to be happy.
I am happy. Life is beautiful. I am metal. There is no hate...
Keep rocking!!!
Dan
Ive had one frined like that where I could stay up talking all night. Its pretty special.
I take it your going back to uni for the counselor stuff? Im soooo over the over qualified disability worker shit. People get up me, like im not trying hard enough. They point at jobs they see available......jobs in childcare and Human Resources. They have no idea.