no more happiness.
why is that?
she made me so happy, why cant i be that happy by myself?
why cant she still be here?
alot of things in life i dont get, but alot that i do i guess.
she is everything i wanted, and everything i didnt want, all rolled up into one. but at least this time, it wasnt me that blew it first, she did when i caught her red handed.
but i just dont get it, i just dont get me.
time to move on again, in a way i still want to be friends with her i think, but it scares me to realize we were never freinds to begin with maybe?
maybe she is right, i was just an in fatuation to her, but i dont think so, i think i ment something, just a little something i hope.
days were truly so much better when she was in my life, even if i dint know if she was coming or going anyway, or i guess if i was, everythiung was just better for a change, morning was actually ok, i could wake up without hitting the snooze and dreaming half awake about life, becuase i had what i wanted.
feelings and emotions, i never understand mine own usually i think, especially when i think i know me, thats when its always time to pay attention, when u think u know were u are at, chances are, its just the moment thats comfotable, it will change like everything else.
but what i dont get is her, i mean i do, but i really dont.
everything was fine accroding to her, at least for what she told me that is. but i guess that is the kicked, what she didnt tell me. witch is fine, but dont pretend, dont lead me on, dont malke me beleive u are happy if your not, and if your not,and want to be, why not just say something? i would have done most anything for her, i would have tried anything, but she just kept telling me she was happy (mind u, this is all in the span of the last two weeks i beleive, maybe just the last one week, witch i really cant figure at all)
i mean, one week, 5 days of being unsure, and its enough tomake u go cheat, and i understand the committment issues and all, but just talk to me.... tell me u need some space, i offered space and she never took it, and now sayus that was the problem??? that blows my away, that and she says i was possessive, but i really dont se ho, she did what ever she wanted, and there wasnt much i said at all, she even said i didnt call enough, it was always her calling, i was ok with space, so i really doint get it at all.
Theres so much more, nut i think i am drained, i need to e--mail her soon though, i got two from her that i havent bothered to respond to, not that i thnk she expects or wants me to, but some stuff is just not done, i just keep waiting and making my reply shorter and shorter and more to the point, she doesnt need to read all this crap.
Then i can bury it i hope and move on with life.
why is that?
she made me so happy, why cant i be that happy by myself?
why cant she still be here?
alot of things in life i dont get, but alot that i do i guess.
she is everything i wanted, and everything i didnt want, all rolled up into one. but at least this time, it wasnt me that blew it first, she did when i caught her red handed.
but i just dont get it, i just dont get me.
time to move on again, in a way i still want to be friends with her i think, but it scares me to realize we were never freinds to begin with maybe?
maybe she is right, i was just an in fatuation to her, but i dont think so, i think i ment something, just a little something i hope.
days were truly so much better when she was in my life, even if i dint know if she was coming or going anyway, or i guess if i was, everythiung was just better for a change, morning was actually ok, i could wake up without hitting the snooze and dreaming half awake about life, becuase i had what i wanted.
feelings and emotions, i never understand mine own usually i think, especially when i think i know me, thats when its always time to pay attention, when u think u know were u are at, chances are, its just the moment thats comfotable, it will change like everything else.
but what i dont get is her, i mean i do, but i really dont.
everything was fine accroding to her, at least for what she told me that is. but i guess that is the kicked, what she didnt tell me. witch is fine, but dont pretend, dont lead me on, dont malke me beleive u are happy if your not, and if your not,and want to be, why not just say something? i would have done most anything for her, i would have tried anything, but she just kept telling me she was happy (mind u, this is all in the span of the last two weeks i beleive, maybe just the last one week, witch i really cant figure at all)
i mean, one week, 5 days of being unsure, and its enough tomake u go cheat, and i understand the committment issues and all, but just talk to me.... tell me u need some space, i offered space and she never took it, and now sayus that was the problem??? that blows my away, that and she says i was possessive, but i really dont se ho, she did what ever she wanted, and there wasnt much i said at all, she even said i didnt call enough, it was always her calling, i was ok with space, so i really doint get it at all.
Theres so much more, nut i think i am drained, i need to e--mail her soon though, i got two from her that i havent bothered to respond to, not that i thnk she expects or wants me to, but some stuff is just not done, i just keep waiting and making my reply shorter and shorter and more to the point, she doesnt need to read all this crap.
Then i can bury it i hope and move on with life.
elvira:
hey man...you speak from my mind. i gotta pass through the same shit. hmm..sometimes its really hard being strong when nothings right...but life will go on and you can choose in which way. i hope you do the right thing, just be you and the rest will follow, theres always love inside you....spread it man, spread it!! 
