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sammich

Long Beach CA!

Member Since 2005

Followers 21 Following 62

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Wednesday Sep 05, 2007

Sep 5, 2007
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I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore.

When is life supposed to start to make sense? At what age do I start acting like an adult. It seems that every step I take leads to disaster and misery. Am I just incompatible with this State, time, species, or reality? I can't seem to keep from pissing people off or unintentionally hurting their feelings, I can't get anywhere financially but deeper in debt, I can't sleep right, and whenever I do get to fall asleep, the cat gets to making noise and waking me up!

Do I need religion? A new place to call home? What? What is it about life that most people seem to understand and continually escapes me? I don't think I'm an asshole, but is that just an illusion? I'm probably a huge asshole and don't even know it. Fuck!

I've never been suicidal. I don't think I can be. I can't even turn away from a bad movie because I always want to know what happens next. It's like I'm purpetually attending the most boring class in really uncomfortable seats and I don't know when it'll be over (and I'm getting a D-).

Do you ever just want to kill everyone, but know that you'l just end up feeling really bad about it? Or maybe your afraid that you won't feel bad about it and have some kind of freakish glee running through you? I often wonder what is cementing my perception in reality. Sometimes I think it's cracking. I hope I don't become a monster, walking the streets at night killing all the people I deem stupid.

All of the truths I knew growing up are turning to lies and the world is dissolving around me. Take America, for example. America is no longer the land of the free. She's become the land of the complacent and moronic. Our sovreignty is being raped by politicians in both parties and the sheep can't see the big dick pumping them in the ass. A lot of republicans are only looking out for their financial interests and most of the democrats in control are power hungry mudslingers trying to give America to people who don't even have the respect to learn the language or come here legally. There was a time when we were strong and knew that what we did was right. now we've got all this psychobabble and masochistic media telling us we're bad!

Fuck that!!!! I want to get back to the strong America! The one that says "No, These people Are bad and we will not tolerate them tearing apart what those that came before fought so hard to build!" I want to put all of the media and politicians under oath like they were in court and if they are ever proven to be misleading or in contempt of the public, they get off-ed!! I wanna beat the shit out of every politician that is giving my country away for more easily lead voters! The Idea of amnesty for people who came here illegally is offensive!! My Dad originally came here illegally and he hasn't been granted citizenship just because he's here, and neither should anyone else! He's got his green card and that seems to be enough for him, but he LOVES this country.

Fuck, I'm ranting!! I NEED CONCRETE TO BREAK!!!! OR IDIOTS TO PUNCH!!!!!!

What happend to the world? I'm still just a kid and this is some fucked up shit to be laying on a kid.

Can I go back to 10, I'm done playing grown-up. frown

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