samling

i'm just not myself right now. a lot of horrible things have been said to me within the last 24 hours. things that, coming from the source it came, cuts deeper than most. i don't know how to explain all this, it's so jumbled in my head. i'm being disowned from my family, was given $300 "go away" money. saddest is that they don't even know how i am. they've never taken the opportunity, and they just had the perfect chance to know me with me living in their house and they didn't. it's mainly my mother causing all the rifts. and since i refuse to give her any more ammunition, i not only hold her hate and hurt but my pain and hurt in me as well. yeah, it'll all blow over. yeah, it'll all be okay. but when you're in the middle of the storm, all you want to do is duck and cover.

i woke up at 3 am and cried for an hour. i'm walking in a daze. i am functioning only because i don't know how to meltdown.

i hope i feel better tomorrow. and after this weekend, when i'm moving.

to top it off, the ex-bf i've been trying to forget for the past year finally decided to talk to me. we ended up chatting online for 10 hours. he said he's sorry, he shouldn't have put me through what he did. he asked for my forgiveness, and wants to be in my life. i forgave him(i had months ago, but since he wasn't talking to me, i couldn't tell him) i apoligized, too, for disrespecting him. very confusing. he seems to be the man i fell in love with again. i'm glad, he'll be a lot happier that way. i don't want him back, for MANY MANY reasons, but just talking to him was so much for me.

life's clouds are funny.