samira

Things don't feel quite so weird anymore. People (even officers) are actually listening to the things I say. Not bad for a PFC, eh? About a month left here in Ft. Bragg before I go OCONUS. I'm not quite as nervous as I was to begin with. I feel like I have everyone standing on my shoulders right now, but I've been workin out, so...
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7 March 06

This is one of those moments when you look at your life and tell yourself to step up to the plate, right? Sure, it should be, but something doesnt feel quite right. Including my unusual lack of sleep, things have been weird.
I almost feel like little orphan Annie here. Separated from everything I know - my friends, my battles, structure, discipline,...
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If Only You Knew

If only you knew the hell you put me through.
I'm sad, but you wouldn't care, would you?
I'm broken like the window I put my fist through
I'm hurt, but I know it doesn't matter to you.

I don't take you for granted, you see.
So when you're mad it kills me.
The tears I'm crying you'll never see.
Because...
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Slow Down

Slow down.
It's moving to fast.
There's no need to speed.
It'll end with a crash.
That's how it happens.
Blood from my wounds.
Shattered glass on the ground.
Everyone's screaming.
I should have slowed down.

Slow down.
Take your time with it.
No need to rush.
Thats how things get forgotten.
Just breathe.
Someone is angry.
I'm all messed up.
I forgot....
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I can't even tell anyone, because they will think I'm weak.
I've got a broken heart and a frightened soul.
It's torture.
I should have run out of tears by now, I should have.
And I'm alone right now because I can't let anyone see me cry.
Three days alone.
A month's worth of nights alone.
All because I can't let anyone see me cry....
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im a little hurt right now. long story, but its all my fault.

yes im scared.

i'm not as strong as you think i am.
sorry i disappointed you.
i'm not as real as i want to be.
sorry so sorry.

im not as tough as i try to act.
sorry i came off that way.
im not as cool as my leather jacket.
but i can always try.

im cute, im sensitive, im afraid.
im weak, im fake, im a...
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lots of stuff to do before i go. im busy. my pc crashed a while back and i had to get it fixed. ill be around.

soon... soon.

fellow soldiers are having farewell parties. i'm going to them, but i don't want one for myself. i'm not saying goodbye to anyone. i'm going to be back. no goodbyes. goodbye is forever as far as im concerned. i'd rather have a bon voyage, or a see ya later. no party.

when i come home though......

party of the century!!!!

update : i'm an idiot who can't count. its not 42 days til i leave for iraqistan. its only 36. count down.

dig it. shukran to all of you for your support. shukran means thank you in arabic, for those who don't know. muah.

things don't always go as planned. timing sucks. my life is on hold. like someone hit the pause button. what a shame. i'll be leaving soon. 43 days until i can start doing something with my life. not what i want to be doing, but still something.

i'll miss you. i'll miss kissing you. i'll miss holding you. i'll miss seeing you. i'll miss your...
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atlantic city here i come!

o and i cant wait for tuesday.