samanthaleigh

so i said fuck being a brunett! i can let my hair grow even if im blonde! so last night i got more blonde hair dye so i can dye it all one even color and i got this coconut oil stuff that if i wear daily it will help and mad hair creams so im determained from keeping it lookin dried and dead. this kinda sucks its 530AM right now i cant sleep, my boyfriend Also kicked me out last night hes sick of my shit and doesnt want to live like hes married adn has a kid w me..cuz of my daughter always breakin his shit and stuff..he said. i got like a month to find out a place to live.. wich sucks cuz my income is 230 a month and thats from welfar i get food stamps too but that wont pay any kinda rent.and he wont even talk to me this time.it hurts so bad i left my daughters father for this kid last year cuz i wanted to be with him so bad we been friends since 6th grade! but he told me pretty much cuz he was leavin his nasty ass ex too.. that he only went out w me cuz he didnt want the sex to end he never intended to have a relationship w me like we did.. he didnt want a gf he saw everyday and all this stuff.. i didnt know any of that when we started going out i wouldnt have tried so hard to keep him.. :/ idk it sucks ass also fuckin webs.com shut my website down cuz they dont want nudity on there site.. so i got to build a website all day today ona new server! that sucks to but it will be fun i love doing it lol.. ill just have to get my name out there again.. ehh oh welll i also got to spend a good amount of time on dying my hair and doing my nails i got this shoot to go to in handover on SAT for sinn and skinn! im so excited! they r paying me 75 bucks an hour! they r gunna style my hair and do my make up and im gettin paid for that too its crazyness! then sometime after that i got another shoot with kevin soucie and alsoo in april (thats when we are thinkin its not definate yet) but i am going to ATLANTA GEORGIA to do a set for FAST AND SEXY magazine they also have a website ill be featured on fastandsexy.com! im so pumped!!! ohhhh and i made the KHAOS GIRLS! so when there website is up and open im gunna be doing a shoot with them as well! i feel great about how the modeling things are going it makes me almost want to say fuck my boyfriend who cares if i have to move out i can do so much bigger and better things and make mad money if he wasnt around i have to turn alot of modeling stuff down because he has to be there when i shoot he has to drive me so hes staying and wont let me do it if hes not there.. so i pretty much can only do it on weekends when i dont have my daughter due to i cant get a baby sitter in the week my bf usualy is the one to baby sit for me.. and for some reason alot of photogs w studios arent doing work on weekends so ive had to tell many ppl that i cant do the work i got no baby sitter and my bf has to come so i cant during the week.. an most of the time when i say hey just lettin u know also my bf is my escort i cant do it with out him just for comfort and stuff like that they tell me they dont want him there as a watcher its a distraction or something ..so i have to say no i cant work with you.. :/ i hate it so much so mabe its better off if me adn my boyfriend part and go our own ways i love him so much but in a little over a year he still hasnt said i love u yet to me.. i hate it.. :/ we stopped having sex cuz i wanted to hug him tell him i love him and shit..but if i even tried to hug him even with out an i love u he ignores me and keeps watchin tv doesnt put his arms around me or nothing..i just felt like shit after doing him i became his gf to feel liked and wanted and all i feel is used ..he now yells at me when he comes how and the room isnt clean and shit like that i love him so much but he only wants me to change he dont think anything is wrong with what he puts me threw. :/ i hate it soo much but fuckk it idk..later ill have pics of my hair all dyed and lookin sexy for yall!! I cant wait to be all blond again!