Soaked by the salivation of the skin's gustation; These infinitesimal pores breath in deep. Swallowing the taste that toxiates off the lustrock wallpaper, that insulates the inside of this narcotic fish tank.
Every tangy element, flows into your blood through the needle of music and image; Flustered through by trivialised debauchery at its finest....Sounding off a rapture, that blankets your mind like a prepuce. Warming the spine, like the glowstick of indulgence.
The scene screams sex; Out of a mouth binded up by the autoerotic speak of "I don't need you", and "I am too cool to fuck"; Spoken from behind coquette eyes that barely whisper; "Come and get it"
Was it the conception of pointless gain that brought you here?
To the lower quarter, where our sinew lies. Staring with eyes, that water with the desperation for acceptance; and drip with the dream of grandeur. Looking to make the tired leather and dirty, graffitied walls a second-hand womb.
Did you change your soul for this?
Did you exhale lies only your mouth would believe?
Did you come here to hide from your own truth?
The one you have spent years desperately shadowing, through winter-swept streets.
Or are you here, just to sit under the red sixty watt stars,
and say "this is where i was born..."?
......and so he takes sword in hand, once again.
WARNING: This post contains long expressions of life currently.
For abbreviated version, please skip forward to last spoiler.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I know the passage above is a re-post. I wrote it for something else, but it works here too.
The uncertainty of yourself. The temptation to compromise.
I'm in a state of 'life paralysis'.
And more than any other state of being...this one fucks with my head the most.
I hate the dead air. It makes too much room for the noise of the world.
There is nothing more frustrating to me than knowing, for certain, where i want to be and what i want to be doing, and not moving forward. Knowing, that in order to get where you need to be, you have to stay where you are a bit longer.
That static makes me want to 'charlie-horse' life, until it tearfully gives me what i want.
I'd prefer to kick through a door, and commence pillaging. And it's a pain to know you have to be patient and eat it.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Thankfully, i have a previously developed philosophy that keeps me sane. Well....somewhat sane.
"Wherever you are...is perfect", has been my personal mantra ever since i saw it, as a young teenager, scribbled on the sidewalk. And it's kept me focused on the things i can control.... therefore happy.
I believe that everything in yours and my life, good and bad, is a necessary experience.
That everything bad, turns into something good. That if life is going smoothly, and suddenly hits a rough detour...it means you are supposed to change direction. Experience something new. Open your eyes to things they may otherwise be closed to.
Although, that belief doesn't stop me from kicking the chair when it does happen.
However, believing that bad things are for good causes, in no way gives anyone reason to be apathetic to the worlds ills. I said bad, not evil. And poverty and despair are serious evils that need to be made extinct.
It also doesn't make it ok to say, "Everything will be / is going to be alright."
You may be right....but that doesn't stop me from throwing up in my mouth when you say it.
I may be guilty....i cannot re-collect.....but i already know that i am an idiot.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Things i have been wondering about lately:
When does 'being patient' become a personal compromise?
I've always been a spontaneous, gut-follower. Patience is a virtue i do not possess, and rarely experience.
I feel like i am wearing a cone hat, and facing a corner.
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What the fuck is up with 'Karma' and the like?
Why do we need a reward system to do good things?
I'm not completely against it....just wondering. I like lollipops too....
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I wonder who i am....through other people's eyes....
I've never really thought of how someone else would describe me...
I tend to think of myself as an Artist / Lover / Revolutionary / Absent-minded / Purveyor of passion / Nincompoop.
Although, when asked,
i generally tend to sum it up with, 'Eccentric'......or 'Lust-Monkey'.
