Thursday Apr 27, 2006

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Oh....the many times i almost woke up with a David Bowie tattoo off of the Aladdin Sane album....

But that was back in my partying days....
When i used to kick it with these guys:



p.s- Dale is a total Magnum P.I wannabe.....so am i though...

But enough digression...
I've been working too much.
I got all the bling bling now, but no time to spend it...
I'm working tomorrow morning till 5. Then tomorrow night till 3am. Then the next morning till 5. and then the next night till 3am. So....basically no sleep for the next 48 hours...
yummmm.....i can already taste the mood swings...

I took the second job to save up for something that i don't need to save for anymore. So right about now, i am asking myself why i still have it...
Maybe nostalgia.....
maybe because being to busy to think, is probally a good thing right now.
I don't like it though...
It's like there's something missing....or there is something that needs to be done...but i'm too confused to remember.
If only i couldn't remember...that would be grand...

Ooops....just got soppy there for a moment...pardon me..
buck up....stand straight....don't slouch...etc.

My friend is in hawaii, and she just sent me an email bragging about it. And telling me about the good surfing going down...I hate her right now...

Not a very interesting update, but i assure you....once i start this sleep deprived weeked...there will be many-a-things typed that will leave you saying,
"what the fuck is he...."

Th-tha-th-tha-th-that's all folks.....

♥

SPOILERS! (Click to view)




I was late for work today because of her
I made the mistake of going on the computer before heading off.
And I sat there, reading her journal...over and over and over and over.

I admit itI still read her journal.
Maybe its torturing myself. But its the only way I know shes ok.
I keep on getting the urge to commentbut I think it might be inappropriate.
I think to PM her.ask her if shes ok. But I figure she wouldnt want to hear from me.
I miss talking to her. I miss looking forward to getting home, so that I could.

I thought about her / it / us, all day. And I mean every second that chimed by on the cheap IKEA clock on the wall.
Even sliced open my finger (2 stitches) while cutting up the romaine lettuce.
I wondered if she was happy. Hoping she was...
Admittedly, just a little bit, hoping she wasnt...Hoping she couldnt live without me.

She said she wasnt important to me. That she wasnt a priority for me.
The irony is vividly apparent.but its too serious a topic to even chuckle.

Iam the type of person, that finds it hard to balance things.
If Im working towards a future goal, I cant concentrate on the present. And if I concentrate on the present, I lose site of the future goal.
I was working so hard, getting everything ready to be there with her full time in the future, that I neglected to be there for her then.
I was just two weeks away.just two more weeks, and I would have been there. I wanted to give her more than what I hadand forgot to give her what she needed.

I still think it would work. I still think, that if we were to give it another shot.that it would be perfectthat it would finally come together.
I still want it. I would give it another shot. She doesnt think so.but I think the distance was a big factor in killing us.
I know a lot of things got lost over the phone. I know there was a lot of miscommunication.
It would have been different if I could hold her. If I could be there next to her
Instead of waiting to talk to her, after I had a shower, ate, settled down.i could talk to her while I was doing that.
Its different when you can come home, and kiss her hello.
When you can hug her goodnight.
I still think it would work.
But you cant make someone else see what you see.
You cant prove to them the ways you know it will work.
She thinks it would be the same. That I will hurt her.
But I know it would be different.
How do you get one last chance?

Im completely unable to express my thoughts and emotions vocallyeven if I had the chanceI dont think I could say it properly.

But in the end.i just wish I could talk to her again. I miss her.I still very much love her.
Im aching to ask her if shes ok

But i don't want to bother her. I don't want to be that kind of ex.
So i'll just sit here quietly, and keep it to myself...

We would make a fantastic love story.still

VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
starrydynamo:
well then I am certainly happy you didn't listen to your parents. I don't know how anyone can live a life without passion.

Ginsberg is my litereary god, and anyone who can recognize him and/or his work (and even better, quote it, *drools*) is pretty damn great as far as my standards go. I live off of poetry. Actually, I thrive on the written word in any form.

I would have to agree that the brain is by far the sexiest part of the human anatomy, I couldn't care less about appearances.

I'm about as geeky as they come and damn proud of it.

Oooooh I Know is suuuuch a great song, so is Teenage Angst for that matter. I really like Broken promise too. YES Black Market Music is SUCH a fantastic album, I always have some Placebo album or song playing at one time or another. And by always I mean allthefcukingtime.
Bowie is the greatest!!! I saw him last year in Berkeley, coolest show ever.

I love Brining It All Back Home, but Freewheelin' and Highway 61 Revisited probably come as close as close can get to being my favorites. I'm a sucker for Don't Think Twice and Desolation Row. He does go back and forth and there is no one specific era that's better because they're all just so good. The first 4 are undoubtedly his best. Hands down.

And why thank you. You are quite fantastic yourself.

[Edited on May 01, 2006 4:44PM]
glitch:
why thank u Mr. smile

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