salival

don't do it son
she said sternly reminding me
of a discussion we had earlier about suicide
and how now she was telling me about how i was telling her

"i would never forgive you if you killed yourself mom.
never. it would show you were weak and easily bruised.
and i know that's not you and whoever you were was taken
by a dead woman who once was strong."

she said the words we spoke had power to affect each other's fate
and mine had that day
and now that you're listening you have to understand

don't do it again.
you're worth more than the sum of your black market sperm
you will not do it again and you will thank me

the vessel for the next generation of you
will be blessed and sacred and warm and not
pppppppplastic and turkey basted and isaac you're giving too much away

the apple of your eye almost fell out for fifty dollars that you drank

to forget
the kicks and cries of an infant born and bred as an excuse?
i hope not
i hope to hear
i hope to alleviate my fear that i was not so naive as to have committed a travesty

trying to slip the next chemical generation in under the gate

trying to forget i have discovered a loop hole to the human existance and reproductive cycle
permutation
and creating another generation

do not conceive.
do not conceive.

tired of cheating the system.
didn't want to share this much.

but i felt i needed to.

surrogacy terminated.