1. less personal but more financially rewarding, a review of A Short History of Myth by Karen Armstrong... for which i am awaiting the cheque! - yay money for doing something pleasant, satisfying, and even kind of enjoyable... AND i didn't have to work a 12 fucking hour shift for it either! ... and the editor really liked it and has promised me more. (but yes it is for the catholic herald. rainwolfkin, i know, will understand my potential dilemma, and the fact my morals will totally go on hold... well, sort of. i prefer the term 'chainmail ethics').
2. my thanks to all and sundry for your input over the last entry. she rocked up and stayed the night. now she's disappeared again in a puff of introspection, confusion, and 'give me time'/'i'm not sure what i want' cliches. it doesn't look too hot for the future, but with held high and faith in my existence and the way of life, i proceed. one step at a time. again, thanks for the advice. explicit and otherwise. it can't, as i quoted elsewhere, rain all the time. even in england. and anyway, who knows what will happen?...
3. les profitable, but personally satisfying: i decided to finally make public my latest, dirty little poetic secret.
4. and on the up side: this whole girl-crap (implied dig at all the girls out there who insist that such unnecessary, undecipherable bullshit only comes from our side of the gender line) has pushed me to write a new little tale. maybe more later.
5. i was right, you know. girls are like cats. boys are like dogs. and it works on so many levels, even if it isn't a flawless analogy...
6. don't worry. i'm not actually frowning as much as the little doggy on the left there. but nara really does make me feel... understood. like painterly pomo haiku. erm, just don't quote me on that.
7. all hail JSTOR!
8. what's the title of your first novel? (or second if you've got that far!)
9. x
****
10. Update (8.10pm). She dumped me.
I finally left my flat (after a day's faffing) to sit in my cafe, to reclaim my life from before I met her, to the single life, to writing and drinking and keeping busy. And in she came, unannounced. I was glad, but not sure. The glow was gone, there was something amiss. I wasn't sure whether the change was in my eyes... or hers.
Of course, after a bit of preamble, she slipped in a cliched "I don't think this is going to work out" piece of bullshit. I was dignified, but honest. Heartfelt, but nor cringily so.
I hurt. I'll be okay.
At least when a heart beats heavily, you know it still beats. It will, of course, be absolutely fine. A few days, weeks at a push, and everything will be as it was. But still, right now, it hurts. I need to tell someone.
Some haiku will explain... Perhaps I shall contain these and name them after her... Heh
discovering the
pleasure of bathing, she came.
now she is my bath.
(on re-reading, this one came out all wrong... i meant that I was discovering the pleasure of bathing - a solitary, contemplative, relaxing activity... and now, or rather, then, since she entered my life, she had become my metaphorical bath. but instead it reads like mills and boon...)
widening your eyes
you strive to be here with me -
but distance seeps in.
in silence you rest
your head on my chest. between
breaths your thoughts go far.
like a childs kite caught
in the arms of the wind, she
turns away from me.
pleasure is fleeting:
she came, she left. now I must
occupy myself.
... and then, just now - still unrefined and about as badly written as the first one...
with love, there are times
when neither company nor
solitude can help.
****
my mother just called. talking felt good. at least i feel less like getting smashed... self-destruction really isn't the answer...
i think she was a fool for doing this. i really do.
i feel that i totally misjudged.
it's like she just switched, and came up with all these
reasons why she shouldn't be going out with me.
only none of them were to do with me.
they were all about previous boyfriends, routines, ruts, etc. etc.
basically, she seems like someone who has a real fear of getting hurt.
and thus hurts first or defuses any potential...
excuses... heh!
still. it is her choice.
if you are in love,
tell them. and give him or her (or them or it)
a soft, tender, loving kiss.
sort of from me.
make up for this case of yet one more not-love.
short-lived romance or what?!
expect a return to form shortly.
- ads
xxx
2. my thanks to all and sundry for your input over the last entry. she rocked up and stayed the night. now she's disappeared again in a puff of introspection, confusion, and 'give me time'/'i'm not sure what i want' cliches. it doesn't look too hot for the future, but with held high and faith in my existence and the way of life, i proceed. one step at a time. again, thanks for the advice. explicit and otherwise. it can't, as i quoted elsewhere, rain all the time. even in england. and anyway, who knows what will happen?...
3. les profitable, but personally satisfying: i decided to finally make public my latest, dirty little poetic secret.
4. and on the up side: this whole girl-crap (implied dig at all the girls out there who insist that such unnecessary, undecipherable bullshit only comes from our side of the gender line) has pushed me to write a new little tale. maybe more later.
5. i was right, you know. girls are like cats. boys are like dogs. and it works on so many levels, even if it isn't a flawless analogy...
6. don't worry. i'm not actually frowning as much as the little doggy on the left there. but nara really does make me feel... understood. like painterly pomo haiku. erm, just don't quote me on that.
7. all hail JSTOR!
8. what's the title of your first novel? (or second if you've got that far!)
9. x
****
10. Update (8.10pm). She dumped me.
I finally left my flat (after a day's faffing) to sit in my cafe, to reclaim my life from before I met her, to the single life, to writing and drinking and keeping busy. And in she came, unannounced. I was glad, but not sure. The glow was gone, there was something amiss. I wasn't sure whether the change was in my eyes... or hers.
Of course, after a bit of preamble, she slipped in a cliched "I don't think this is going to work out" piece of bullshit. I was dignified, but honest. Heartfelt, but nor cringily so.
I hurt. I'll be okay.
At least when a heart beats heavily, you know it still beats. It will, of course, be absolutely fine. A few days, weeks at a push, and everything will be as it was. But still, right now, it hurts. I need to tell someone.
Some haiku will explain... Perhaps I shall contain these and name them after her... Heh
discovering the
pleasure of bathing, she came.
now she is my bath.
(on re-reading, this one came out all wrong... i meant that I was discovering the pleasure of bathing - a solitary, contemplative, relaxing activity... and now, or rather, then, since she entered my life, she had become my metaphorical bath. but instead it reads like mills and boon...)
widening your eyes
you strive to be here with me -
but distance seeps in.
in silence you rest
your head on my chest. between
breaths your thoughts go far.
like a childs kite caught
in the arms of the wind, she
turns away from me.
pleasure is fleeting:
she came, she left. now I must
occupy myself.
... and then, just now - still unrefined and about as badly written as the first one...
with love, there are times
when neither company nor
solitude can help.
****
my mother just called. talking felt good. at least i feel less like getting smashed... self-destruction really isn't the answer...
i think she was a fool for doing this. i really do.
i feel that i totally misjudged.
it's like she just switched, and came up with all these
reasons why she shouldn't be going out with me.
only none of them were to do with me.
they were all about previous boyfriends, routines, ruts, etc. etc.
basically, she seems like someone who has a real fear of getting hurt.
and thus hurts first or defuses any potential...
excuses... heh!
still. it is her choice.
if you are in love,
tell them. and give him or her (or them or it)
a soft, tender, loving kiss.
sort of from me.
make up for this case of yet one more not-love.
short-lived romance or what?!
expect a return to form shortly.
- ads
xxx
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
What would happen if you tried to distil said pumpkin dust? Let's find out! Next week is filling up fast. Any free days?