My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult, Foetus Inc., both in rotation lately.

I love the Foetus song, "I'll meet you in Poland, Baby."

I love history. You have to know your history to get it.

Got the live Foetus, Male, on CD for Christmas, as well as the new Skinny Puppy DVD. Awesome.

I've always liked Skinny Puppy, despite their shock for shock's sake attitude at times. The kiddy's love mindless provocateurs, I guess, not that Skinny Puppy is mindless, quite the contrary. . .

It is just that when you project an image of the American flag and replace the stars with swastikas, it is juvenile, and in my opinion, predictable, etc.

It is a form of pandering to think, "I wonder what will shock the Bourgeoisie and at the same time make me seem cool in the eyes of the lowest common denominator of the Punk world. Oh, I know. . . "

And I know. I know my flaws and I own up to them. I'm a cantankerous elitest. It should be screen printed on my shirt. No wonder I don't have that many friends. I've little patience for people with no imagination, no matter what side of the tracks you claim to belong.

I sent out materials to 5 of my ten schools. 70 bucks. Maybe that isn't much to you, but that is literally half of my available funds at the moment! Shit. I wasn't meant to be poor. Angry about it? yes. I have two chips on my shoulders. I'll stop short of self pity, though.

And so here is the much quoted D.H. Lawrence poem,
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"Self Pity"

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

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I've always liked that. I wish it were that easy. Sure, a bird is delicate and fragile, and we may assume that if it could, a bird would be perfect candidate for self pity in the frozen winter. That is the poetry. This is the science. Perhaps a bird does not feel self pity because of its brain capacity. In other words, for all our arrogance in our domination of the world as a species, maybe our brain capacity is a double edged sword; with it comes self awareness to such a degree that self pity is all too possible.

And now a Paul Klee quote:

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"The Enlightenment will come to a bad end; the head is much too heavy and the pelvis way too frivilous."
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I wish I had a nice digital camera. I'd post all sorts of pics here. Maybe I'll just give a reprise of one of my old favorites, scanned in of course.

I've always had to do things the hard way. Nothing has ever been easy. Nothing ever.

When I first started assembling music years ago, I started with a cheap 4 channel mixer, a ten tone casio keyboard, a bulky reverb/flange/delay processor, hand assembled tape loops, and a dual deck cassette recorder. Talk about primative!

Money. I hate being cheap. It is against my generous nature. I love to give. When I got my car back last week (timing belt, crank case seal) I was charged more than the original quote. I convinced the owner to a compromise, as I had cash ready in an envelope. The next day I sent the guy a Christmas thank you card. In a perfect world I'd not only pay, but also leave a fat tip. But I have a junky '87 Toyota Tercel, maintained enough to just keep going. It is a miracle car, even if it costs me every now and then.

The camouflague has a nice patina these days.