**So I was reading DC comic's "Crush and Lobo" Pride Month issue and the characters made me smile. I felt like I needed to make a blog about my experience, my thoughts, etc over what Pride means to me. Sorry it's a little long. 😅**
I want to reflect a bit on how far we have come with the LGBTQ+ community and it's acceptance in society.
I came out as "bisexual" when I was 15, and fell in love with my best friend (don't ask me the year. It's a mystery! Haha!) It took us months to admit to each other how we felt. It took us months (and in some instances, years) to even admit who we really were deep down.
We knew 2 other lgbtq+ people at our school and besides that, it was a very taboo subject. We were even scared to tell our best friends.
One at a time we started introducing them to the idea of us being together and eventually we let our secret out.
With relief, all of our best friends were so supportive and accepting.
My parents were supportive, but my partner's parents were not.
(From here on I will refer to my best friend/then partner as his preferred pronouns "he/him" and I am so proud of him for becoming his true self!)
Throughout our friendship, his parents thought of me as the rebellious friend and there were moments where they didn't like me very much. He started listening to heavier music, wearing darker clothing and it appeared I was "corrupting him". (How many of us can relate? Lol)
Some how through the grapevine, someone told his parents and they went crazy. They called my parents and cursed out my parents for allowing me to be gay and corrupting their child. They threw bibles at him and scheduled meetings with priests. They took all electronics and cell phones away from him. They forbid us to ever see and talk to each other. They called the school to tell them to keep us apart from each other. I was helpless. At the time I had no idea what was going on and felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest through the first few weeks.
One time his dad literally threw me in a bush for begging just to hug him when we accidentally ran into each other at a restaurant.
We pressed charges on him because I had bruises and marks all down my arms. Instead of the cops arresting him that night as they were supposed to, they served me with a restraining order the very next day.
Despite the restraining order, we had a friend help us buy pre paid phones to hide so we can stay in contact with each other for a bit.
That didn't last long, and when we got caught it wasn't anything pretty. I can't remember if the phone was before or after the restraining order. It was all a blur really. Depression was real. I coped in *not so good* ways and did some really screwed up shit. A few members of my family tried to pray the gay away (they still love me though.) It was a really weird time that I wouldn't wish on ANYONE to experience.
Because the school had to keep us away from each other, every teacher knew that we were "gay". I got in arguments and got kicked out of class multiple times for being judged, singled out and for calling out passive aggressive class discussions about how being *gay* was a choice. I had no filter. I stood up for everything I believed in even if it got me in trouble.
After months of fighting through every obstacle, our relationship took a turn for the worse. To make a very long story short, we broke up and in the heat of rumors and drama, it wasn't a good break up. During the break up... A girl disguised as his "friend" told the office I scared her and they called me to the office to search me because I was "scary" (she wanted to get me in trouble to contribute to the drama). They took my bags away from me and searched through them for weapons apparently. I had nothing to hide and they had no reason to believe I would have them. It was his parents' request and his "friend" asking the office to search me that warranted it. When I walked back in the principal's office, I learned that they found one of my prescription Zoloft pills I had for my depression that fallen at the bottom of my bag and a BUNCH of condoms that were obviously not mine (I am allergic to latex anyways). Someone had put them in my bag either before or while they were searching me. I never did figure out who did it, but I was so embarrassed and hurt. I was arrested that day for "drugs on campus" because of that one pill I was prescribed and was talked down to by the entire office staff. Ironically I ordered my class ring the day before... And that day I got kicked out.
At my hearing, every teacher's statement (except one) stated that I was a trouble maker and I was confrontational for being "gay". Not one person in the hearing listened to anything I said about what had happened with the one pill, the condoms, or why the teachers thought I was confrontational. One of the school board members in the hearing was making little doodles in the notebook of a pill bottle. My parents went off and thankfully stood up for me. (I want to add that I am one of the lucky few who had accepting parents, and if it wasn't for that I have no idea where I would be in life).
So needless to say, after my hearing I was *officially* kicked out of school. (Fast forward I ended up getting my GED and started college early. Fuck that highschool.)
I got served with a year restraining order immediately after.
During the restraining order, my partner and I had made amends and kept in contact through alias online diaries for the entire year until we were of legal age to do what the hell we wanted. It was a very long year. Eventually we decided that being friends was best for us and our experiences as partners were vital to our growth and being our authentic selves. I have no idea where either of us would be if I had never sent that "joking" message hinting at my attraction to him on AIM.
As time went on in our lives, more of our friends came out. People were starting to open up about who they were and who they identified as. We all fought hard for lgbtq+ rights. We spoke up for people who were scared to speak. We went to pride events and parades. We contributed to charities *gay clubs* would sponsor. We endured people assuming that our same sex partners were our "close friends" and learned to speak up with the truth.
Over the years, I noticed that the staring decreased when I held a woman's hand and people didn't flinch when I said "my girlfriend."
For the sake of ease, I labeled myself "lesbian with straight tendencies" to friends who asked. It was just "lesbian" to people who didn't need an explanation. I only had serious relationships with women at the time and occasionally hooked up with men. Eventually I learned that pansexual fit me perfectly, because it didn't stick me in a box. I loved who I loved and THAT is how everyone should feel. All love is valid love.
I did marry a cis gender man, and continue to advocate for our rights in the Lgbtq+ community! I sometimes have to remind people that even though I may "appear" like I am "straight", that the Lgbtq+ community is still 100% of who I am. I try to ignore the comments within the community about how I'm "straight now". (Don't ever be that person!)
We have come so far as a society compared to what I experienced in my younger years and I'm so proud to say I am part of that growth. We still have a long ways to go, but damn, I never thought I'd see the acceptance I do today.
Keep fighting for LOVE! Keep fighting for the right to BE WHO YOU TRULY ARE!
I am so proud of all of you. We are in this together!
PS: if any of you have any doubts, fears, questions, need someone to talk to etc.. do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am here for you. I am your family. I am your friend.
Love y'all !
♥️🧡💛💚💙💜
@penny @lemon @missy @eirenne
