SHONEN MIKA'S BASIC LIFE SKILLS LESSON 432: ARE THEY OUT TO GET ME?
Are they? A good probability of this rule being true is that you're asking the question. Good, is anybody listening? No... okay we can talk.
Fyew... it's good to get away from those theocratic churchies always trying to put down honest young kids who are just trying to make it in a world we never made man.
Okay... here's the thing... it's out there, it's big, and it's scary... It's sort of like the Matrix, but with no karate and no Helmut Lang. The thing is, it's out there, and it's single goal in this bitter cold wind blown world, is to kick you when you least expect it, natch?
First things first... privacy. You're going to need some level 5 Military grade tin foil. Now here is the thing, they don't make tin foil anymore, it's made out of aluminum, which only works on monsters and ghosts, and the cia... but its not the cia who's out to get you so, we need tin foil.
You COULD buy it off of craigs list, but the guy always wants you to hang out and listen to a mix tape that he already played you 8000 times, so we are just going to have to improvise.
If you can find an old pot, like a stew-pot, big enough for your head that will do... If you put it on and DON'T hear voices, you're golden. Repeat, ready? Okay, next...
Now, protection! Let's put our cards on the table, we've established that THE MAN exists, and THE MAN, is definitely out to screw you, because he doesn't cotton to whatever hip thing your into this very moment.... NOW, okay, now that THAT is passe'.... let's continue.
Silver Bullets... are you recognizing a patern here? Yes, THE MAN HATES METAL. Get it? You see, you can ward off the man simply by playing a large dose of King Diamond... any type of gutteral I PLAY DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS kind of Satanesque faire will do... I'm not quite sure if this repusles THE MAN because of it's special powers, or what... but please trust me on this. It is socially appropriate to play it on a boom box, BUT NOT, under any circumstances, a Ghetto Blaster... that is a racial epithet about the Jewish Ghettos of World War II, and that is not a cool reference, man.
This minor attack will only stun the man, you'll have to get creative to keep him off your tail.. there is one thing that is certain though, YOU have been chosen, and only you to bare this burden... and it is unrelenting. You can fight and fight, but THE MAN will still be out to get you. What do you get for fighting the good fight? The satisfaction of a job well done.
That, and wait, god no, someones at the d
COME ON, ADMIT IT. You have a problem.
Well, I'm not sure if I really, like, have a problem.
Oh come off it. Look around you. What do you see? Happy, smiling, nuzzling, groping couples feeding each other grapes, giggling in the rain, talking baby talk, gazing into each other's eyes, ramming each other joyfully in bumper cars, grabbing each other's thighs under the cafe table when they think no one is looking.
AND THERE YOU SIT, alone with your aching neck and your cup of cold, bitter coffee--bitter like your soul, full of rancid, churned-up grounds eating away at your hateful little life. Maybe you should get a gun and kill yourself...
Maybe you should go home and watch tv until 2am... OR MAYBE you should take control of your life and grab some of that love for yourself.
~Matt (rhymes with complaining) Groening.
The grandiose exemplar of the unbearable lightness of being wants to pin and mount you like a butterfly. But then, what's new with that, pussycat?
じつ わ。。。 I changed my profile picture, something more sadistic... All the kids are doing it these days.
Japanese band who didn't make it of the moment: Fairy Fore (basically that means gay prostitute in Japanimu
)
Cho! (Do guys say that? Don't think so..) MACH! Very Good.
CERTAINLY I haven't always lived in the castle, that's just the title of a rather great Shirley Jackson (of the Lottery fame) novel. If you say 'novel' instead of 'book' you look smart and junk.
I'm staying with my father & my stepmother who I sort of think mutually hates me. I've learned my lesson, but if you've never heard a southern belle tell you not to leave the potato chip bag out in a voice that sounds like Lord Huggington, "The Bear who Loves to Love"... my god, you're misssing out on some primo mind-fuck action.
They say you can never go home, but here I am... my prospects dimmer than Dustin Diamond's acting carreer... actually he was in Made, which is a pretty good movie if you like those types of John Favreau vehicles...
Shit, fuck yah... Dustin D. Is your name Michael Diamond? Hell yes it is... I'm on the top baby. I bought it, I built it, I paid for it, it's mine, and I'm gonna keep it.
Oh yeah, sucking in the 1970s... I am a wicked Child.
People or stars regard me sadly,
I dissapoint them...
~Plath Sheep in Fog
How I loved you.
I'm going to start a band with a girl from Chiba City, Japan called NO DISCO... sort of a funk art rock no wave post punk band.
I don't really have a lot of set influences for this. I DID just download the KILLS new lp, and there are two people in that band. The Kills sound absolutely nothing like the White Stripes, except there are two people... so there you go.
I'm rambling... but here's the thing... this sort of thing will be the toast of BBL World Tokyo. I'm excited, my "band member" #2 is excited. How excepting for my inability to write music, could it possibly go wrong?
Well, I've figured out how I'm going to be famous. You know it's always been my dream to be famous, so naturally, it was something my guidence counciler suggested.
Also, check out Plus~Tech Squeezebox... they rock me. Do you see how that makes them good?
IF YOU HAVE spent any time reading simple stupid Japanese lessons, you will come across a few completely standard conversations that though common, will be completely useless to you.
These conversations generally go like this:
Konnichi wa
Good Afternoon
Konnichi wa, Nihongo ga dekimasu ka?
Good Afternoon, do you understand Japanese?
Maa, sukoshi desu.
Well, a little.
Nihongo ga yoku warkarimasu ne!
Oh! You understand Japanese very well!
Iie, mada jouzu ja arimasen.
No, I'm not very good yet.
...and so forth, to tedium.
The thing is, I've never really been in a conversation like that. If you are meeting someone who wants to really know you, you'll never get into that sort of conversation... They'll be trying out their English, and you'll try to remenber that Mizu Shoubai is Water Trade when they tell you they work as a Hostess (I've known two hostesses in my life... a job where you are paid to keep businessmen company. A somewhat common job, aparently.)
DOUBLE STANDARD ALERT In Japan, they now have Male Hosts, but I'm told that Anata wa fore desu., if you become one... basically you're a male prostitute... I don't see the flaw in this plan, but eh...
The problem with the conversation above is that if you find yourself in it, it's completely rote. It's not that they really think your Japanese is all that spesh, or that they may mistake you for a Japanese person.... ~ seriously...
Nihon jin desu ka?
Are you Japanese?
Are you crazy? Kichigai desu ka?
Many native Japanese are quite shocked to find that anyone might know their language, be able to use chopsticks (ohashii) or appreciate the unique culinary dishes.
Those I've met who have travelled outside of Japan are a lot more laid back and aren't shocked out of their skin if you can opperate chopsticks with some mode of skill.
THESE SORTS OF dialogues are quite common in the books that portend to teach you JAPANESE in TWO DAYS!!
You really can't learn Japanese in 6 weeks, and there is no such thing as Japanese for Busy People... it's more like wasted book for broke idiot.
No matter what book you get, the dialogues are all interpolated by THE WHITEST MAN ON THE PLANET. It's fairly diconcerting to hear bog standard Japanese done with absolutely no discernable dialect other than Tokyo Robot, followed by "SAY GOOD AFTERNOON!" as said by your local news anchorman.
It's much more fun to watch karaoke PVs and read roumaji (the westernized equivalent of the sylables in Hiragana & Katakana)... at least you are given the minimal ammount of English and an easy way of learning dialogue recognition.
I wish more PVs were done in Hiragana, but, what can you do.
Mika Deshita!!!
SOONER OR LATER you'll run into a movie called Steamboy. You'll wonder... oh, now this is that thing that people call anime, like that movie that didn't do so good, Princess Mononoke... or, any other feature length Japanese fair.
Want to really anoy an anime fan? Claim ignorance and skip past Japanese Animation and call it Japanimation... you will see eyebrows furrow and people get all consternated about a culture that isn't even native to them... it's great fun.
Anyways... About steamboy. No need to worry about this one at all. You may have heard of Akira... probably the most famous feature length animated film from Japan... I haven't seen it.
In any case... 10 years later, Akira Director Katsuhiro Outomo brings you... STEAMBOI!!! er, Steamboy... Sure to rock your socks with Japanimu! ^_o and have you screaming until your lungs are both dry and bloody.
Good luck.
First, if you really want to see a decent full length... see Perfect Blue, if you like robots, see the Appleseed movie... if like most people, you could give a flying fuck... just steer clear.
The thing is, it's just not a very good movie... and if you go into it thinking that it is... you're just going to walk away feeling more confused & anxious than that time at the pool in 5th grade when that girl from Germany wore the really revealing bathing suit, and was quickly whisked off... remember that? Good, me neither...
Every few years or so, someone makes an attempt to transplant feature length Japanese animation to the yawning American public... it's not America's fault that it doesn't really care... that's just the way it goes... when people start realising that you can't just copy zeitgeist then there wont be any more ill-advised payroll checks going out to Patrick Stewart & Anna Paquin for their speaking roles in a lame cliche' ridden Anime that nobody from Japan even liked.
Back to the drawing, er board.
SHONEN MIKA's Japanese Lessons... yay.
Shonen Mika means "Boy Mika", Mika is typically a girls name... Japanese double letters (Miike) never translate well to English, people just don't know what to do w/ Toukyou (the u represents a second o... another thing entirely....)
Anyways, so I used the name from the band Sadistic Mika Band, even though Mika is a girls name. I'm the freak who ran through your hood and bust' caps.
03.11.05 Itadakimasu (ee tA dA key mAs (!!) )
Itadakimasu is said before eating a meal in Japan, and is tradionally used to say thanks for the hospitality and the meal, etc.
Some people know the word Kanpai (kaMn pA ee), which you will hear people yelling before downing drinks in a restaraunt or bar... simply sounds like KAMPAI!!! though, it's spelled kaNpai, the letter n in Japanese, when it is a sylable by itself is pronounced as "m" most of the time... (it's not really pronounced as an m, but that's as close as to sylablic nasal for simplicity's sake...!) as in...
Sumimasen (excuse me, pardon me... etc)
Anyways, fun fact:
Itadakimasu means literally I take your life. It symbolizes both animal and plant life, and the fact that this life is given up for our nourishment and good health. Itadakimasu is the symbol of thanks for those lives.
Generally now, it is used casually, though it is as common as ever... though people don't always know the meaning of the phrase, even the Japanese... generally it is like saying "Dig in!", or the notion that you're going to do just that.
Mika Deshita!
I FOUND a studio apartment in Osaka near the Umeda Station for about $580.00 a month, and no deposits and such. I think that's the best bet... I don't want to go live somewhere and have to pay 8 months down because I'm a dirty Gaijin....
50 Days left until Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Man, I'm hungry right now, as I've said before, someone please email me a sandwhich.
Sadistic Mika's ~Agents Provacateurs~
いんな の ぶっき どきょう と あいきょう ごまねつ です。 (chounaikaichou!)
Why, Hal, tis my vocation, Hal; tis no sin for a man to labour in his vocation.
~ Falstaff to Prince Hal Henry IV William Shakespeare.
~
into the rushing beast of the night,
sucked up by that great dragon, to split
from my life with no flag, no belly, no cry
Tomorrow there will be crows and crows, not stars.
Oh starry starry night! This is how
I want to die.
~Anne Sexton (Deleted final strophe of THE STARRY NIGHT)
Are they? A good probability of this rule being true is that you're asking the question. Good, is anybody listening? No... okay we can talk.
Fyew... it's good to get away from those theocratic churchies always trying to put down honest young kids who are just trying to make it in a world we never made man.
Okay... here's the thing... it's out there, it's big, and it's scary... It's sort of like the Matrix, but with no karate and no Helmut Lang. The thing is, it's out there, and it's single goal in this bitter cold wind blown world, is to kick you when you least expect it, natch?
First things first... privacy. You're going to need some level 5 Military grade tin foil. Now here is the thing, they don't make tin foil anymore, it's made out of aluminum, which only works on monsters and ghosts, and the cia... but its not the cia who's out to get you so, we need tin foil.
You COULD buy it off of craigs list, but the guy always wants you to hang out and listen to a mix tape that he already played you 8000 times, so we are just going to have to improvise.
If you can find an old pot, like a stew-pot, big enough for your head that will do... If you put it on and DON'T hear voices, you're golden. Repeat, ready? Okay, next...
Now, protection! Let's put our cards on the table, we've established that THE MAN exists, and THE MAN, is definitely out to screw you, because he doesn't cotton to whatever hip thing your into this very moment.... NOW, okay, now that THAT is passe'.... let's continue.
Silver Bullets... are you recognizing a patern here? Yes, THE MAN HATES METAL. Get it? You see, you can ward off the man simply by playing a large dose of King Diamond... any type of gutteral I PLAY DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS kind of Satanesque faire will do... I'm not quite sure if this repusles THE MAN because of it's special powers, or what... but please trust me on this. It is socially appropriate to play it on a boom box, BUT NOT, under any circumstances, a Ghetto Blaster... that is a racial epithet about the Jewish Ghettos of World War II, and that is not a cool reference, man.
This minor attack will only stun the man, you'll have to get creative to keep him off your tail.. there is one thing that is certain though, YOU have been chosen, and only you to bare this burden... and it is unrelenting. You can fight and fight, but THE MAN will still be out to get you. What do you get for fighting the good fight? The satisfaction of a job well done.
That, and wait, god no, someones at the d
COME ON, ADMIT IT. You have a problem.
Well, I'm not sure if I really, like, have a problem.
Oh come off it. Look around you. What do you see? Happy, smiling, nuzzling, groping couples feeding each other grapes, giggling in the rain, talking baby talk, gazing into each other's eyes, ramming each other joyfully in bumper cars, grabbing each other's thighs under the cafe table when they think no one is looking.
AND THERE YOU SIT, alone with your aching neck and your cup of cold, bitter coffee--bitter like your soul, full of rancid, churned-up grounds eating away at your hateful little life. Maybe you should get a gun and kill yourself...
Maybe you should go home and watch tv until 2am... OR MAYBE you should take control of your life and grab some of that love for yourself.
~Matt (rhymes with complaining) Groening.
The grandiose exemplar of the unbearable lightness of being wants to pin and mount you like a butterfly. But then, what's new with that, pussycat?
じつ わ。。。 I changed my profile picture, something more sadistic... All the kids are doing it these days.
Japanese band who didn't make it of the moment: Fairy Fore (basically that means gay prostitute in Japanimu
)
Cho! (Do guys say that? Don't think so..) MACH! Very Good.
CERTAINLY I haven't always lived in the castle, that's just the title of a rather great Shirley Jackson (of the Lottery fame) novel. If you say 'novel' instead of 'book' you look smart and junk.
I'm staying with my father & my stepmother who I sort of think mutually hates me. I've learned my lesson, but if you've never heard a southern belle tell you not to leave the potato chip bag out in a voice that sounds like Lord Huggington, "The Bear who Loves to Love"... my god, you're misssing out on some primo mind-fuck action.
They say you can never go home, but here I am... my prospects dimmer than Dustin Diamond's acting carreer... actually he was in Made, which is a pretty good movie if you like those types of John Favreau vehicles...
Shit, fuck yah... Dustin D. Is your name Michael Diamond? Hell yes it is... I'm on the top baby. I bought it, I built it, I paid for it, it's mine, and I'm gonna keep it.
Oh yeah, sucking in the 1970s... I am a wicked Child.
People or stars regard me sadly,
I dissapoint them...
~Plath Sheep in Fog
How I loved you.
I'm going to start a band with a girl from Chiba City, Japan called NO DISCO... sort of a funk art rock no wave post punk band.
I don't really have a lot of set influences for this. I DID just download the KILLS new lp, and there are two people in that band. The Kills sound absolutely nothing like the White Stripes, except there are two people... so there you go.
I'm rambling... but here's the thing... this sort of thing will be the toast of BBL World Tokyo. I'm excited, my "band member" #2 is excited. How excepting for my inability to write music, could it possibly go wrong?
Well, I've figured out how I'm going to be famous. You know it's always been my dream to be famous, so naturally, it was something my guidence counciler suggested.
Also, check out Plus~Tech Squeezebox... they rock me. Do you see how that makes them good?
IF YOU HAVE spent any time reading simple stupid Japanese lessons, you will come across a few completely standard conversations that though common, will be completely useless to you.
These conversations generally go like this:
Konnichi wa
Good Afternoon
Konnichi wa, Nihongo ga dekimasu ka?
Good Afternoon, do you understand Japanese?
Maa, sukoshi desu.
Well, a little.
Nihongo ga yoku warkarimasu ne!
Oh! You understand Japanese very well!
Iie, mada jouzu ja arimasen.
No, I'm not very good yet.
...and so forth, to tedium.
The thing is, I've never really been in a conversation like that. If you are meeting someone who wants to really know you, you'll never get into that sort of conversation... They'll be trying out their English, and you'll try to remenber that Mizu Shoubai is Water Trade when they tell you they work as a Hostess (I've known two hostesses in my life... a job where you are paid to keep businessmen company. A somewhat common job, aparently.)
DOUBLE STANDARD ALERT In Japan, they now have Male Hosts, but I'm told that Anata wa fore desu., if you become one... basically you're a male prostitute... I don't see the flaw in this plan, but eh...
The problem with the conversation above is that if you find yourself in it, it's completely rote. It's not that they really think your Japanese is all that spesh, or that they may mistake you for a Japanese person.... ~ seriously...
Nihon jin desu ka?
Are you Japanese?
Are you crazy? Kichigai desu ka?
Many native Japanese are quite shocked to find that anyone might know their language, be able to use chopsticks (ohashii) or appreciate the unique culinary dishes.
Those I've met who have travelled outside of Japan are a lot more laid back and aren't shocked out of their skin if you can opperate chopsticks with some mode of skill.
THESE SORTS OF dialogues are quite common in the books that portend to teach you JAPANESE in TWO DAYS!!
You really can't learn Japanese in 6 weeks, and there is no such thing as Japanese for Busy People... it's more like wasted book for broke idiot.
No matter what book you get, the dialogues are all interpolated by THE WHITEST MAN ON THE PLANET. It's fairly diconcerting to hear bog standard Japanese done with absolutely no discernable dialect other than Tokyo Robot, followed by "SAY GOOD AFTERNOON!" as said by your local news anchorman.
It's much more fun to watch karaoke PVs and read roumaji (the westernized equivalent of the sylables in Hiragana & Katakana)... at least you are given the minimal ammount of English and an easy way of learning dialogue recognition.
I wish more PVs were done in Hiragana, but, what can you do.
Mika Deshita!!!
SOONER OR LATER you'll run into a movie called Steamboy. You'll wonder... oh, now this is that thing that people call anime, like that movie that didn't do so good, Princess Mononoke... or, any other feature length Japanese fair.
Want to really anoy an anime fan? Claim ignorance and skip past Japanese Animation and call it Japanimation... you will see eyebrows furrow and people get all consternated about a culture that isn't even native to them... it's great fun.
Anyways... About steamboy. No need to worry about this one at all. You may have heard of Akira... probably the most famous feature length animated film from Japan... I haven't seen it.
In any case... 10 years later, Akira Director Katsuhiro Outomo brings you... STEAMBOI!!! er, Steamboy... Sure to rock your socks with Japanimu! ^_o and have you screaming until your lungs are both dry and bloody.
Good luck.
First, if you really want to see a decent full length... see Perfect Blue, if you like robots, see the Appleseed movie... if like most people, you could give a flying fuck... just steer clear.
The thing is, it's just not a very good movie... and if you go into it thinking that it is... you're just going to walk away feeling more confused & anxious than that time at the pool in 5th grade when that girl from Germany wore the really revealing bathing suit, and was quickly whisked off... remember that? Good, me neither...
Every few years or so, someone makes an attempt to transplant feature length Japanese animation to the yawning American public... it's not America's fault that it doesn't really care... that's just the way it goes... when people start realising that you can't just copy zeitgeist then there wont be any more ill-advised payroll checks going out to Patrick Stewart & Anna Paquin for their speaking roles in a lame cliche' ridden Anime that nobody from Japan even liked.
Back to the drawing, er board.
SHONEN MIKA's Japanese Lessons... yay.
Shonen Mika means "Boy Mika", Mika is typically a girls name... Japanese double letters (Miike) never translate well to English, people just don't know what to do w/ Toukyou (the u represents a second o... another thing entirely....)
Anyways, so I used the name from the band Sadistic Mika Band, even though Mika is a girls name. I'm the freak who ran through your hood and bust' caps.
03.11.05 Itadakimasu (ee tA dA key mAs (!!) )
Itadakimasu is said before eating a meal in Japan, and is tradionally used to say thanks for the hospitality and the meal, etc.
Some people know the word Kanpai (kaMn pA ee), which you will hear people yelling before downing drinks in a restaraunt or bar... simply sounds like KAMPAI!!! though, it's spelled kaNpai, the letter n in Japanese, when it is a sylable by itself is pronounced as "m" most of the time... (it's not really pronounced as an m, but that's as close as to sylablic nasal for simplicity's sake...!) as in...
Sumimasen (excuse me, pardon me... etc)
Anyways, fun fact:
Itadakimasu means literally I take your life. It symbolizes both animal and plant life, and the fact that this life is given up for our nourishment and good health. Itadakimasu is the symbol of thanks for those lives.
Generally now, it is used casually, though it is as common as ever... though people don't always know the meaning of the phrase, even the Japanese... generally it is like saying "Dig in!", or the notion that you're going to do just that.
Mika Deshita!
I FOUND a studio apartment in Osaka near the Umeda Station for about $580.00 a month, and no deposits and such. I think that's the best bet... I don't want to go live somewhere and have to pay 8 months down because I'm a dirty Gaijin....
50 Days left until Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Man, I'm hungry right now, as I've said before, someone please email me a sandwhich.
Sadistic Mika's ~Agents Provacateurs~
いんな の ぶっき どきょう と あいきょう ごまねつ です。 (chounaikaichou!)
Why, Hal, tis my vocation, Hal; tis no sin for a man to labour in his vocation.
~ Falstaff to Prince Hal Henry IV William Shakespeare.
~
into the rushing beast of the night,
sucked up by that great dragon, to split
from my life with no flag, no belly, no cry
Tomorrow there will be crows and crows, not stars.
Oh starry starry night! This is how
I want to die.
~Anne Sexton (Deleted final strophe of THE STARRY NIGHT)
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'Yin Yang Doodle'--wha?