sadisticmika

Moving out today, 24 hour eviction notice... So... still being lazy and drinking and trying to box up and throw away what I don't want... there isn't much to box... really... do I really need all those Details magainzes from 1991 forward (no, i did stop reading them long ago...)... Simplify... ugh...

Heaven Knows....




H.W.C.




I erased my Smiths lyrics here, I filed my letter to the court concerning my eviction, and the judge ruled against it. I should be getting a writ of 24hour notice some day soon, to clear out of here within 24 hours, lets my meager possessions be tossed to the curb.

I wanted my life to work out, in June it seemed so promising and fat, like runny gold, a gyeser of riches... Now I'm just a bird without wings. Sorry so sad.

Out of the blue on the wings of a dove
A messenger comes, with the beating of drums
It's not a message of love

Our childern are born, and we keep them
They must have the right, to live in the light
To be safe from the storm

Out of the blue, with wings on his heels
A messenger comes, bearing regrets
For the time that he steals

But steal it he will, my children's and mine
Against our desires, against all our needs
Our blood spilled like wine

Over and over we call . . . no one hears
And further and further and further we fall
And though we pray that we soon will awake
It is clear, that it's no dream at all
Our lives are at stake

I cannot believe, nor even pretend
That the thunder I hear, will just disappear
And the nightmare will end

So hold back the fire, because this music is true
When all's said and done, the ending will come
From out of the blue




I know that I don't always realize
How sleazy it is messing with these guys
But something about just being with you
Slapped me right in the face, nearly broke me in two
It's a mark I've taken heart
And I know I will carry it with me for a long, long time

I don't know if I could drive a car
Fast enough to get to where you are
Or wild enough not to miss the boat completely
Honey, I'm thinking maybe
You know, just maybe

I don't know if I could fly a plane
Well enough to tail spin out your name
Or high enough to lose control completely
Honey, I'm thinking maybe
You know, just maybe
Maybe
-Liz Phair. (Shatter).

windover way misses you and I.
luv.




I'm updating my journal again, just to see what picture of Billy Bibbit comes up next, thinking about the exact nature of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest', and the distortion the movie provides. (Even though, unlike Kesey, I still think it was a great movie)...

How the idea of the Combine, the society around us, produces anomie, how in those who are apposed to moving forward (like the scene in Midnight Express, where the lunatics walk in a circle around the large collumn, another Billy, walks counterclockwise, against the current... and is therefore repelled against it)...

I'm not saying that if you do whatever, if you get up and go to a nine to five job that you are part of 'the system' or that you are some shill sell out, but certainly, if you don't, if for some reason, either imagined or real, you can't, then you'll have more problems than if you could get up, at whatever time, and go and do the things you are expected to do.

I'd like that very much. I'd like the identity of marriage, the identity of relationship that isn't hidden or secret, the idenity of someone loving me. At least I know that people love me, at least I know that someone loves me who I love, and at least that is true, and that's a big part of living, otherwise--- life is just a mechanized wandering to a common ending, more trite than anything else in this world for it's commonality.

If you get the chance, sometime, tell someone that you love them. Or at the very least, what they mean to you. They are what sepperate you, the living, from the dead; not the dead who are really lying in the ground or scattered in the wind, or secreted away in a vase somewhere, but those people who for some reason or another are dead, even when they are walking.

Someone said that pornography (either saracastically or not), in a thread I wrote was God's gift to the world. Ultimately, God or not, Love is it's own gift to the world. Love Love Love.

We're after the same, rainbow's end... it's just around the bend, my huckleberry friend... it's just arond the bend...

It's just around the bend.
What are you going to do?




Please excuse my indiscetionate words, they come from a place that was once angry, confused maybe, jealous, wistfull, longing, missing, lonely, stupid, unassured, incompetent, ineffectual, raging, tirelessly trite and childish.

I just continue to beat on against the current, bourne back ceaselessly into the past. My appologies to the one who I have loved for fifteen years of my life, and my resignation of words to others so afflicted by them.

~michael.




Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse oculus meis
vidi in ampulla pendere, et cum illi pueri dicerent....




Je moi condamne parce que tu sais pourquoi... mais pas vous, pas vous, je ne puis pas.

Et c'set que vous ignoreze le fond,
non pas des choses,
Et que vous ne comprenez pas l'image
bien que depuis le fond des ages
vous y clapotiez tous end rond
comme on clabaude un alienage.

D'une premdedidation de non-etre
d'une ciminelle incitation de peut-etre
est venue la realite,
Et ce fut toujours vindage pour ange.

God Bless.




Top ten movies to increase your indie movie cred and baffle the stoned indie rental workers:

01
Film: Umberto D. (1952)
Director: Vittorio De Sica
Who[?]: The Bicycle Thief Guy
Synopsys: Neo Realist Italian movie portrays retired civil servant Umberto as he struggles through post war poverty to make ends meet with misserable results w/ no slick hollywood pandering for tears.
Depth Factor: 9/10 Not a Date movie.

02
Film: Solyaris (1972)
Director: Andrei Tarkovsky
Who[?]: Andrei Rublyov Guy
Synopsys: Cuckoo Scientist visits nutcase colony orbiting freaked out plaent for deep and plodding results of introspection and loss.
Depth Factor: 6/10 Apparently the subtitles are lackluster, and it's in Russian. If all else fails, see the Soderberg remake Solaris.

03
Film: Les Yeux sans visage (1960)
What: Eyes Without a Face
Director: Georges Franju
Synopsys: Crazed doctor w/ disfictured daughter kidnaps girls to attempt (unsuccessfully) to graft their faces to his own daughter.
Depth Factor: 8/10 We are in agreement this is completely creepy, no?

04
Film: Blowup (1966)
Director: Michelangelo Antonioni
Synopsys: Professional photographer captures images of violence and despair with no emotions.
Depth Factor: 9/10 One of the best movies ever made, Coppola's "The Conversation", and Scott's "Bladerunner" both give nods to it. Must see.

05
Film: bout de souffle (1960)
Wuzzle?: Breathless
Director: Jean-Luc Godard
Who?: Vivre sa vie: Film en douze tableaux (1962) Arty film guy du jour.
Synopsys: Killing, French people, France, love, intrigue, cinema!!!
Depth Factor: 8/10 It's Godard, what do you want me to say?

06
Film: Der Himmel ber Berlin (1987)
Wuzzle?: Wings of Desire
Director: Wim Wenders
Who?: Harry Dean Stanton Vehicle Paris Texas is under his belt.
Synopsys: Angels, Berlin, complexity, any questions?
Depth Factor: 9/10 It's a safe bet that you should see this movie. Beautiful.


07
Film: 372 le matin (1986)
Wuzzle?: Betty Blue
Director: Jean-Jacques Beineix
Who?: Who cares, it has Jean-Hugues Anglade & Batrice Dalle
Synopsys: Bizzaro French love film, the way the French can only make them.
Depth Factor: 10/10 Get the unrated version, she calls his penis 'his little snail'... it's fantastic... lovely, beautiful. Anglade at his best, as well as Dalle.

07
Film: Aguirre, der Zorn Gottes (1972)
Wuzzle?: The Wrath of God.
Director: Werner Hertzog
Who?: SF Murnau Nosferatu Devote, has not yet decided to film via proto Dogme Style.
Synopsys: The Spanish, Peruvian expedition in search of riches, doom ensues.... perhaps???
Depth Factor: 9/10 It's Hertzog.

08
Film: Aleksandr Nevsky (1938)
Wuzzle?: Historical figure used for blatant propaganda.
Director: Sergei M. Eisenstein
Who?: Battleship Poetempkin Guy. (Carriages, crazy violence, etc)
Synopsys: Tale of Nevsky, who defends the Russian empire against the Teutonic Knights. Chilling scene where he tricks the nights onto an ice flow and they sink under the weight of their armor.
Depth Factor: 5/10 Poetempkin is probably better, but this is an interesting, yet biased historical retelling. Probably one of the Soviet Unions most well known directors, for good reasons.

09
Film: Les Quatre cents coups (1959)
Wuzzle?: 400 Blows. (aka Raising Hell)
Director: Franois Truffaut
Who?: Film Begat 'new wave' of French film making.
Synopsys: French neredowell skips school to go to movies with his friends.
Depth Factor: 7/10 Another landmark in french film, this one should be under your belt.

10
Film: Ladri di biciclette (1948)
Wuzzle: The Bicycle Theif
Director: Vittorio De Sica
Who[?]: The Umberto D. Guy
Synopsys: Neo Realist Italian movie portrays the hard life and realism of Italian poverty. Again, neo relist, no pandering for tears, long shots for crowd reaction, strictly realsim.
Depth Factor: 10/10 This about makes you want to crawl into a fetal ball. Have a crisis number at hand.

That's it! Hope you enjoy your wacky adventures at your local indie store populated by stoned kids who have no Idea what these movies might be.




I WILL ALWAYS admit to my fractures, anything at all, my poor memory, my inconspicuous self destruction, my wax and wane of stability, the differences of my concious decisions on a day to day basis that waver because I can not make a stand.





Other than that, what can I say? People believe what they want, everyone thinks/does what they feel will make them safe from the well of truth.





Hey, why not visit my friend's bookstore on line, or give her a call if you're looking for something from Japan, or otherwise... Just keep in mind the time difference, because arguing with people you wake up in Japan is a bummer!

Green E Books
greengreenbooks@aol.com
http://www.greenebooks.net

606-8395
2F 9-5 Kawabata Marutamachi
Higashiiru, Higasi marutacho,
Sakyo-ku, Kyoto
JAPAN
tel&fax: +81-75-751-5033

ps. Arigatou Gozaimasu to those who have allready visited the site, she has told me she's gotten some hits from my journal. Domo!





Dream Song 101

A shallow lake, with many waterbirds,
especially egrets: I was showing Mother around,
An extraordinary vivid dream
of Betty & Douglass, and Donhis mother's estate
was on the grounds of a lunatic asylum.
He showed me around.

A policeman trundled a siren up the walk.
It was 6:05 p.m., Don was late home.
I askt if he ever saw
the inmates'No, they never leave their cells.'
Betty was downstairs, Don called down 'A drink'
while showering.

I can't go into the meaning of the dream
except to say a sense of total Loss
afflicted me therof:
an absolute disappearance of continuity & love
and children away at school, the weight of the cross,
and everything is what it seems.
-John Berryman Oct. 25, 1914, - Jan. 7, 1972







The Shanti Project. Providing assistance and home care to the victimcs of HIV & Aids.

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