It has been a long time since I posted here... life became chaotic and then all the answers hit me at once.
I had a dream last night. It was no ordinary dream though. You were in it, everyone was in it. The dream lasted for days and days. I saw people who I have not seen in years. I mended old relationships. I did things with friends that I thought I would never do again. I had heart to heart talks with people who I have hid things from. Alas it was just a dream.
But does it have to be a dream? I swear waking up from that single dream was the most disappointing moment of my life. Learning that all of it was not real almost gave me a heart attack. It was so long and detailed that I had to go back just to put it in order of when the events occurred. I could feel people touching me, I had full conversations, I dined with old friends... I even tasted the food I ate. After realizing that none of this was true I decided it could not be just a dream.
I learned so much from that one dream. I was yelled at by multiple people for fucking up. They did not just turn the other cheek no they stood up and YELLED at me. Others physically harmed me by giving me a nice deserving slap across the face. Some comforted me but reassured me that I have to move on. I have started taking steps to changing in the last two weeks but I have been slow and found reasons to put them off. With all this change has come doubts. I have started doubting things that were set in stone years ago. I have started to lose my mind (literally) with the lack of direction. I was changing but I was not balanced, on the contrary I have been very unbalanced subject to change my mind and feelings on the drop of a dime. I had no real direction.
This dream was a wake up call. It was a picture of what life can be if I move forward and mend old relationships. If I get organized and see people I have been missing. All of the things that happened in that dream are within my power to make happen. So if I can be that happy in real life is there any reason I shouldn't go for it.
Well now I am off to sleep maybe I will dream.
I had a dream last night. It was no ordinary dream though. You were in it, everyone was in it. The dream lasted for days and days. I saw people who I have not seen in years. I mended old relationships. I did things with friends that I thought I would never do again. I had heart to heart talks with people who I have hid things from. Alas it was just a dream.
But does it have to be a dream? I swear waking up from that single dream was the most disappointing moment of my life. Learning that all of it was not real almost gave me a heart attack. It was so long and detailed that I had to go back just to put it in order of when the events occurred. I could feel people touching me, I had full conversations, I dined with old friends... I even tasted the food I ate. After realizing that none of this was true I decided it could not be just a dream.
I learned so much from that one dream. I was yelled at by multiple people for fucking up. They did not just turn the other cheek no they stood up and YELLED at me. Others physically harmed me by giving me a nice deserving slap across the face. Some comforted me but reassured me that I have to move on. I have started taking steps to changing in the last two weeks but I have been slow and found reasons to put them off. With all this change has come doubts. I have started doubting things that were set in stone years ago. I have started to lose my mind (literally) with the lack of direction. I was changing but I was not balanced, on the contrary I have been very unbalanced subject to change my mind and feelings on the drop of a dime. I had no real direction.
This dream was a wake up call. It was a picture of what life can be if I move forward and mend old relationships. If I get organized and see people I have been missing. All of the things that happened in that dream are within my power to make happen. So if I can be that happy in real life is there any reason I shouldn't go for it.
Well now I am off to sleep maybe I will dream.