sabine

well...ending this relationship a lot harder than i thought it would be. last week when i decided, i had some conviction and it lead me to believe it would be just fine. and ultimately, yes i believe that. but for now it's already starting to suck and we haven't even gone through with it yet. heh, i know...we were supposed to start this week out "fresh." but we didnt accomplish much last weekend so we wanted some more time. possibly it's making it harder but i've really enjoyed the extra time we've been spending together though it's reminded me of what i will miss about him and about us. *sigh* once i go through with it and we can both move on i think we'll figure out how to be friends, but at this moment it sounds like such a foreign concept. i guess i never really figured out how to take that step backwards with someone. even if it's for the best. to just stop caring..not totally but stop seeing them the same way so you can deal when they find someone else. that will suck... but still i know we'll be friends.
blah. ever noticed that things are never easy when they involve sex and emotion...ive never had a relationship that didnt involve a lot of confusion, even when you're supposedly casual. how those things change even when you insist they wont...

i started listening to my college radio station which is way less commercialized/mainstream than others. at times making me think what the hell is this? but in general it's refreshing to hear somethings besides THE SAME TEN SONGS! angry face for radio-haters.. anyway, among the songs i didnt recognize i found many have much much better, more thoughtful lyrics and here are a few lines i really liked. i know there were more but ive smoked away my memory

"you are lost. i am 'home.' no one wants to be here alone.."

"the only solution we have is to love and be loved.."

and ok, this one we all know really well, but i hadnt heard in so long and i really them.
"...unimpressed by material excess. love is free...love me? say hell yes"

so..say it. SAY it.

i went a little crazy with the faces...