I have always felt more boyish than all my other girl friends. I grew up with boys so I guess I have felt like I was one of the boys for the first part of my life. I dressed like a boy, thought like a boy, and just pretty much fit in with the boys better than girls. Now with all that said I had a secret, I always watched Americas top model when it came on, I never really told anyone about that because I was a rough tough tomboy still. But everything started to change as I got into high school. And got boobs. (I was a poor little late bloomer) I started dressing like a girl (cute grungy) and started wearing eyeliner and masquera. I started to want to look good for once, i wanted to feel pretty. I wanted everyone to stop looking at me as the rough tom boy little weird girl and start looking at me as if I was attractive and cute. I wanted to model more and more but I only told close friends about it but never got around to doing anything about it. I always have had bad self esteem problems. I didn't think I was attractive or pretty, sometimes still don't but there's another reason for that. I found suicide girls my freshman year of high school and just fell in love. Fun hair, tattoos, piercings, tons of beautiful girls.they looked so confident and so lovely. I wanted to be a suicidegirl because they don't care if your tatted the fuck up, pierced all over, no hair, dreaded hair, or rainbow hair, big or small, you don't have to have the perfect body to be able to show off your beauty, everything's beautiful, I believe that the photos that suicidegirls put out are not only sexy and eye pleasures but it is a type of art that the model and photographer create. Around a year or so ago I finally worked up my courage to send my application into suicide girls and within a couple of days I had a reply. I was going thru a tough patch of my life and when i recieved the news. I cried so so terribly hard. I got accepted to become a hopeful and start my journey to become a suicide girl, I finally started feeling better and better about myself because I finally took a step forward in what I always secretly wanted to do when I was 13, I felt sexy. I hope my journey not only makes me feel better about myself but be able to find me, because I know I've gone long enough not knowing the woman I have locked away in me. 😊
