This weekend was quite something...unfortunately it peaked pretty early so it was all downhill.
Me, Kitty (my photographer/sorta gf), and a couple of her friends got totally shitfaced friday night. Clothes ended up coming off, we watched Empire Records and shit was okay. We went upstairs and it was evident that Kitty was getting more and more drunk.
Every so often she'd plop down on the floor and keel over, lying on her back for a couple minutes. We laughed, she was really drunk. This went on till we went upstairs and she did the same, only there was a loud THUD as she hit. Evidentally she smacked her head. She complained, we laughed, and got on with the night.
But as the night progressed, she kept keeling over more...and for longer. Apparently, though, she does this a lot when she's drunk (i wouldn't know; I've only known her for about a month). The two others we were with parted ways, Kitty and i went upstairs. She was gone. She eventually keeled over and was out. Fuckin' OUT for, like, 5 minutes. When i finally got her awake i begged her to tell me what was going on cuz honestly she was too out of it to pay much attention.
Eventually, she admitted she felt REALLY sick and she NEVER felt sick when she drank, and her head hurt and she just wanted to sleep. I told her not to sleep and please to hold on, so i ran to her oldest friend she lived with, Alex and got him in. He called EMT that was pretty much as far as i went until one of the EMT/friends of Alex came up to say that the real parameds said she wasn't good enough to stay and she was going to the hospital.
Skip forward about an hr of freakin' out and Alex and Kitty come back from the hospital. Apparently kitty just lay on the stretcher and talked to alex till they asked her if she was okay. she said she was and that was that. We went back upstairs, she could still barely stand cuz she was so drunk, but no concussion. Thank god.
My big issue (of that day, at least) was i feel she's still in love with Alex...see they used to date and when she was drunk somehow it was brought up that she fucked alex. If you don't me i'm more jealous than anyone in the world. So i said, "you fucked alex?" and she looks right at me and goes "oh ya! Tons!"
I walked away and sulked in a corner till she came over and asked what was wrong. It was quite obvious what was wrong but she was too drunk to understand.
Once she came home for the hospital, and was a lot ...more...sober, we talked about it. I feel she's still in love with Alex. He comes up in conversation EVERY day, even to the point where yesterday her friends mentioned that she has like...1000 pix of him. Granted she's a photographer, but it's still something that fucks with me. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!
The part that REALLY got to me, though, was when she admitted she was in pain and needed help she didn't .actually. say "i need help." she was begging and crying, "please get alex. i need alex." Obviously that was not the time to bring up my concern.
When i did, she said it was just cuz he was one of her oldest friends and was always tehre when she got hurt or drunk or whatever. Like when she fell down three flights of stairs and broke her ankle, he was there to take her to the hospital again.
It makes me feel useless though, I mean, I'M the boyfriend, i thought that was my job. But more than boyfriend, i'm the "new guy" and don't have much official status with anyone...
So after some more sobering up and some good fucking that was Friday. We got to bed almost at 7am.
Saturday arrived with her friend Sara dropping off her kittens for Kitty to take care of for the day. Pretty little things, fuckin' adorable. But they're two months old so they're fucking DEMONS.
Come about 3 o clock i hopped the bus back to UMass to grab some nice clothes cuz her friend Hilary's art show/reception was opening tonight and i wanted to look nice for it. As most of these situations are (especially when you know all of 6 people there) it was INCREDIBLY awkward. Though, i got a lot of looks. I wasn't sure if they were good or bad or just curious. Evidentally Kitty saw, and kept telling me how lusty they were. Maybe it's cuz the previous day had been such an emotional downer, but i didn't believe her at all.
But there was a lot of talking about "do you remember when..." or just random stating of insidde jokes and shit i obviously wasnt there for . So i wandered off and had some munchies while i waited for Kitty to finish. I explained why i disappeared and she understood, we went back to her place eventually.
We started watching Versus (a wicked japanese samurai/zombie action flick) and some friends came over. Immediately, the movie went off. The nostalgia came back, the inside jokes, and all that. And i sat there, right smack dab in the middle of the voice, in the middle of it all, saying nothing. I couldn't. I wasn't there, i had nothing to add. Usually, being a narcissistic rockstar, i can always find a way to jump into the middle of a conversation. not with pointless random inside jokes though.
What got to me mroe than that was something i had yet to realize up to that point in time. Whenever there was a group of friends around, Kitty ignored more completely. It was as if i didn't exist. I'm surprise she didn't invite one of her friends to sit where i was, as if i wasnt there. See my feeling is this: she's holding me to a certain standard. She loves her friends more than anything because she's known them for YEARS. 2 for some, 4 for others. I feel like she's holding me to that standard. She assumes (at least when her friends show up) that i'll understand teh jokes, participate in the nostalgia and actually have something to say. But obviously that's ridiculous. I've known her for a month. So because i'm not saying anything, it's as if i'm just...not there.
She has so many issues that i keep running into and thats off-putting enough. But when stuff becomes personal(ized) like this, it hurts that much more. Is there such a thing as too-damaged goods?
It's sunday at 3 pm, now, i woke up about an hour ago, i have today and tomorrow left of my weekend. Then tuesday i see my advisor to tell her i'm fucked.
Me, Kitty (my photographer/sorta gf), and a couple of her friends got totally shitfaced friday night. Clothes ended up coming off, we watched Empire Records and shit was okay. We went upstairs and it was evident that Kitty was getting more and more drunk.
Every so often she'd plop down on the floor and keel over, lying on her back for a couple minutes. We laughed, she was really drunk. This went on till we went upstairs and she did the same, only there was a loud THUD as she hit. Evidentally she smacked her head. She complained, we laughed, and got on with the night.
But as the night progressed, she kept keeling over more...and for longer. Apparently, though, she does this a lot when she's drunk (i wouldn't know; I've only known her for about a month). The two others we were with parted ways, Kitty and i went upstairs. She was gone. She eventually keeled over and was out. Fuckin' OUT for, like, 5 minutes. When i finally got her awake i begged her to tell me what was going on cuz honestly she was too out of it to pay much attention.
Eventually, she admitted she felt REALLY sick and she NEVER felt sick when she drank, and her head hurt and she just wanted to sleep. I told her not to sleep and please to hold on, so i ran to her oldest friend she lived with, Alex and got him in. He called EMT that was pretty much as far as i went until one of the EMT/friends of Alex came up to say that the real parameds said she wasn't good enough to stay and she was going to the hospital.
Skip forward about an hr of freakin' out and Alex and Kitty come back from the hospital. Apparently kitty just lay on the stretcher and talked to alex till they asked her if she was okay. she said she was and that was that. We went back upstairs, she could still barely stand cuz she was so drunk, but no concussion. Thank god.
My big issue (of that day, at least) was i feel she's still in love with Alex...see they used to date and when she was drunk somehow it was brought up that she fucked alex. If you don't me i'm more jealous than anyone in the world. So i said, "you fucked alex?" and she looks right at me and goes "oh ya! Tons!"
I walked away and sulked in a corner till she came over and asked what was wrong. It was quite obvious what was wrong but she was too drunk to understand.
Once she came home for the hospital, and was a lot ...more...sober, we talked about it. I feel she's still in love with Alex. He comes up in conversation EVERY day, even to the point where yesterday her friends mentioned that she has like...1000 pix of him. Granted she's a photographer, but it's still something that fucks with me. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!
The part that REALLY got to me, though, was when she admitted she was in pain and needed help she didn't .actually. say "i need help." she was begging and crying, "please get alex. i need alex." Obviously that was not the time to bring up my concern.
When i did, she said it was just cuz he was one of her oldest friends and was always tehre when she got hurt or drunk or whatever. Like when she fell down three flights of stairs and broke her ankle, he was there to take her to the hospital again.
It makes me feel useless though, I mean, I'M the boyfriend, i thought that was my job. But more than boyfriend, i'm the "new guy" and don't have much official status with anyone...
So after some more sobering up and some good fucking that was Friday. We got to bed almost at 7am.
Saturday arrived with her friend Sara dropping off her kittens for Kitty to take care of for the day. Pretty little things, fuckin' adorable. But they're two months old so they're fucking DEMONS.
Come about 3 o clock i hopped the bus back to UMass to grab some nice clothes cuz her friend Hilary's art show/reception was opening tonight and i wanted to look nice for it. As most of these situations are (especially when you know all of 6 people there) it was INCREDIBLY awkward. Though, i got a lot of looks. I wasn't sure if they were good or bad or just curious. Evidentally Kitty saw, and kept telling me how lusty they were. Maybe it's cuz the previous day had been such an emotional downer, but i didn't believe her at all.
But there was a lot of talking about "do you remember when..." or just random stating of insidde jokes and shit i obviously wasnt there for . So i wandered off and had some munchies while i waited for Kitty to finish. I explained why i disappeared and she understood, we went back to her place eventually.
We started watching Versus (a wicked japanese samurai/zombie action flick) and some friends came over. Immediately, the movie went off. The nostalgia came back, the inside jokes, and all that. And i sat there, right smack dab in the middle of the voice, in the middle of it all, saying nothing. I couldn't. I wasn't there, i had nothing to add. Usually, being a narcissistic rockstar, i can always find a way to jump into the middle of a conversation. not with pointless random inside jokes though.
What got to me mroe than that was something i had yet to realize up to that point in time. Whenever there was a group of friends around, Kitty ignored more completely. It was as if i didn't exist. I'm surprise she didn't invite one of her friends to sit where i was, as if i wasnt there. See my feeling is this: she's holding me to a certain standard. She loves her friends more than anything because she's known them for YEARS. 2 for some, 4 for others. I feel like she's holding me to that standard. She assumes (at least when her friends show up) that i'll understand teh jokes, participate in the nostalgia and actually have something to say. But obviously that's ridiculous. I've known her for a month. So because i'm not saying anything, it's as if i'm just...not there.
She has so many issues that i keep running into and thats off-putting enough. But when stuff becomes personal(ized) like this, it hurts that much more. Is there such a thing as too-damaged goods?
It's sunday at 3 pm, now, i woke up about an hour ago, i have today and tomorrow left of my weekend. Then tuesday i see my advisor to tell her i'm fucked.
drave:
Crushed. <3 , Awww that sucks about everything in your blog, your awesome, Sorry that you hurted. Thats sad. hope everything works out rockstar.