runk

[[[WARNING! RAMBLING, PERSONAL SCREED AHEAD!]]]

There's a certain danger in putting too many personal details about yourself out there on the internet. On the other hand, what's a journal if it doesn't provide you with a means of catharsis?

I'm a generally happy person. I really have been blessed for all of my life. I've done things, seen things, had things (and by things, I mean not only the material but spiritual, physical, social, and experiential) that maybe not everyone gets in their lifetime.

That said, my current living situation and relationship situation is fucked up.

I have been in a relationship with a lovely person I refer to in my posts as the Brown Haired Lass (aka BHL) for about 6 years. Actually, since we grew up in the same community, our socializing goes back probably 15 years. But, we've been together, off & on, thick & thin, for 6 years.

We love each other, but we get on each other's nerves and we have yet to learn how to constructively deal with it.

We've lived together twice. First, in an apartment downtown St. Paul for about 2 years. Then, she said she couldn't stand living with me, and moved out. We worked things out, and moved into a duplex. 8 months later, she said "I love you, but we just can't live together. I'm not meant to be this way". We've taken the proverbial "breaks" from each other, but we have both found it is impossible to have the same connection with other people we have with each other. "Star-crossed Lovers"

So, taking a tangent off that- I stay in the duplex. I HATE moving. After a couple months, I realize I really can't afford to live here on my own.

I have this good friend. We've been friends now for 19 years. He recently got divorced, and didn't want to have to move in with his parents. So, I invite him to come live with me. Good deal, right?

It was nice for the first few months. He's got an elementary school daughter who I've always liked, been like an uncle to her, and they have joint custody, so she's here a lot.

THEN, things change. My roommate/friend hooks up with the downstairs neighbor. She's divorced with three boys. She's cool, and all that, so I thought this would be a good thing. WRONG!

My privacy has been usurped. At any given time, I don't know what combination of kids will be in our duplex (the boys & my friend's daughter all go to the same school).

Oh. My roomie is a housebuilder, so there isn't much work for him in the winter, so he's always home. Today, I come home from work at 6, he's still in his pajamas. His girlfriend (the neighbor) is in her pajamas, too. The house reeks of cigarettes (I smoke too, but I go in the garage or outside). 2 of her kids and the daughter are here.

My only place of solitude now is my bedroom (which used to be the guest bedroom when the BHL was here). I am a guest in my own house. This sucks.

I have told him that I want to move out in March, and he can take over the lease. He's fine with that, no harm. BUT, he is not lining up any Spring contracts. I don't know how he is going to pay for this place. I don't want to leave him hanging, but I can't stay here anymore either.

I think I am the only person in America who likes going to work better than coming home.

Thus endeth the rant.