So I spent a very reflective weekend this past one.Reflective for a whole host of reasons. First, the reason for my trip.. One of my very old friends was getting married. It was amazing to see him full of joy, dancing with his wife, love in his eyes. then holdingup his son for the whole room to see. Its so strange to see us age, and go through new stages of life. I found myself wondering where the time went. I know I'm not OLD... but I'm older that I was, and at 15.. you feel like life is never going to change.. but it does. It's funny... this is not how I pictured me.... I mean when i was a kid. I'm not sure how I did picture my life at 33, but I do know that it's not as i currently am..I found myself wishing I could go back to a time when I was young, and innocent. Sometimes I think I've seen too much for one lifetime, or even two... Almost like my eyes are jilted, and my brian desensitized, and I wish i could get that innocence back... but anyway we move on, and there is still so much to see...<b>
So I flew out on Friday on the red eye, and I was picked up by my friend. She was cool enough to wake up at like 5 am to pick me up at 6. Then open her home to me, and treat me to an expensive dinner (I still owe you money for it!)
unfortunately... way too much booze, and Way too many vicodin... I spent the morning puking in the bathroom.. <b>
After puking all morning she sped me off to kens wedding in Basking Ridge NJ.. wow.. the area was so beautiful, I hadn't been to Jersey in soooo long. I realized I missed it so much. I have so many vivid memories.. My Chivas Programs, Working at a crappy Company in Garfield.. all sorts.<b>
So I crashed at Marks Sunday night, passed out pretty quickly woke up nice and late, watched TV then ran out to meet Katie for lunch on queens Blvd. Mark and I walked around his neighborhood, and I found myself all nostalgic again. God it had been so long since I had been to Forrest Hills so many memories, one for each street corner, one for each store. But it was then that I realized that I missed a fantasy The memories were the fantasy, I can remember all the wonderful things.. but they were strewn over a lifetime. Not all happening in one day, or day after day. Yes Im totally homesick, but Im homesick for the fantasy that was my life in NY, its the awful reality that I dont miss, and that reality is why I jumped at the chance to move out here. The horrible humidity, the freezing days and slushy snow storms.. sitting in traffic everyday for hours just to get to my stressful job. The cold hard reality of life in and out of the city.. I started to laugh when I realized that I missed Hoboken, and Forrest Hills and Manhattan and the Bronx. I laughed because I realized how silly I was being I mean I lived in the area for so long, and hadnt come to visit these areas ever anymore I lived in Nyack for 2 years and almost NEVER left it, to visit all the places that were breaking my heart this weekend.. That fantasy of my home. Maybe thats what people mean by roots??? Roots are really memories.. stories for every street corner. <b>
In comparison, Im making roots, and memories here in SD. True its a bit lonely here from time to time.. but then again, I was lonely at home from time to time. <b>
The fantasy at home is something Ill cherish.. maybe its that happy place they tell you to go to when your upset. The reality of SD is healthy, warm sunny and easy. Why would I miss the stress and monotomy of somewhere when I have an easy life, with so many opportunities and places to explore. <b>
Fantasy vs. reality I guess they need to go hand in hand, and I should probably look at it differently. Maybe it should be Old Memories vs. new experiences. <b>
Still sort of sad, but I know I can always go home. Im a true NYer, and will probably be back once my time here is done. Ill be in a different place then, and will have to put SD in the past as a Fantasy, or Old memories, and look to NYC to make new ones<b>
So I flew out on Friday on the red eye, and I was picked up by my friend. She was cool enough to wake up at like 5 am to pick me up at 6. Then open her home to me, and treat me to an expensive dinner (I still owe you money for it!)
unfortunately... way too much booze, and Way too many vicodin... I spent the morning puking in the bathroom.. <b>
After puking all morning she sped me off to kens wedding in Basking Ridge NJ.. wow.. the area was so beautiful, I hadn't been to Jersey in soooo long. I realized I missed it so much. I have so many vivid memories.. My Chivas Programs, Working at a crappy Company in Garfield.. all sorts.<b>
So I crashed at Marks Sunday night, passed out pretty quickly woke up nice and late, watched TV then ran out to meet Katie for lunch on queens Blvd. Mark and I walked around his neighborhood, and I found myself all nostalgic again. God it had been so long since I had been to Forrest Hills so many memories, one for each street corner, one for each store. But it was then that I realized that I missed a fantasy The memories were the fantasy, I can remember all the wonderful things.. but they were strewn over a lifetime. Not all happening in one day, or day after day. Yes Im totally homesick, but Im homesick for the fantasy that was my life in NY, its the awful reality that I dont miss, and that reality is why I jumped at the chance to move out here. The horrible humidity, the freezing days and slushy snow storms.. sitting in traffic everyday for hours just to get to my stressful job. The cold hard reality of life in and out of the city.. I started to laugh when I realized that I missed Hoboken, and Forrest Hills and Manhattan and the Bronx. I laughed because I realized how silly I was being I mean I lived in the area for so long, and hadnt come to visit these areas ever anymore I lived in Nyack for 2 years and almost NEVER left it, to visit all the places that were breaking my heart this weekend.. That fantasy of my home. Maybe thats what people mean by roots??? Roots are really memories.. stories for every street corner. <b>
In comparison, Im making roots, and memories here in SD. True its a bit lonely here from time to time.. but then again, I was lonely at home from time to time. <b>
The fantasy at home is something Ill cherish.. maybe its that happy place they tell you to go to when your upset. The reality of SD is healthy, warm sunny and easy. Why would I miss the stress and monotomy of somewhere when I have an easy life, with so many opportunities and places to explore. <b>
Fantasy vs. reality I guess they need to go hand in hand, and I should probably look at it differently. Maybe it should be Old Memories vs. new experiences. <b>
Still sort of sad, but I know I can always go home. Im a true NYer, and will probably be back once my time here is done. Ill be in a different place then, and will have to put SD in the past as a Fantasy, or Old memories, and look to NYC to make new ones<b>