Haven't wrote in such a long time that I don't even know where to start.
a lot has been happening since I wrote last time...towards better, but still feeling kinda fucked up inside my head...there are just certain type of things which are hard for me to understand and with my too blue eyes and a diamond heart and urge to think good in people, forgive and believing that people can change I just always seem to end up hurting myself badly when it comes to relationships.
I am the girl who always chooses wrong.
After paying tickets from Los Angeles to Finland, giving a roof under head, paying work permit, finding contacts and friends for someone who you thought was special and especially to someone who you thought was your soulmate and who was someone you have never ever loved before...it feels pretty sad and it makes me kinda mad and questioning myself if I am crazy when you find out it has all been just a big scam...and at the same time you become so sick that you can't walk without 5 different medication and that you might never be able to do the work you used to do...help other people...but you become one of them...one that you used to help.
That's why I earlier said...in this life you can only really trust your own face in the mirror...and maybe not even that cuz even your shadow leaves you when it's dark.
There is few very special people in my life and I know I will able to get myself back on track...it will just take a helluva lot more time than ever before.
I miss one of those peeps back in Los Angeles;West Covina...He showed me what life is all about, eventhough he might not know that...the kinda friend that I appreciate and love from the bottom of my heart...and I can trust him to always be there for me and listen to this aliens craziest stories about chainsaw crew fairys or else.
Ya...
I am a doomy sad fuck, but at least I admit that...
I am never gonna give up
Love,Peace In
RUE XXX
a lot has been happening since I wrote last time...towards better, but still feeling kinda fucked up inside my head...there are just certain type of things which are hard for me to understand and with my too blue eyes and a diamond heart and urge to think good in people, forgive and believing that people can change I just always seem to end up hurting myself badly when it comes to relationships.
I am the girl who always chooses wrong.
After paying tickets from Los Angeles to Finland, giving a roof under head, paying work permit, finding contacts and friends for someone who you thought was special and especially to someone who you thought was your soulmate and who was someone you have never ever loved before...it feels pretty sad and it makes me kinda mad and questioning myself if I am crazy when you find out it has all been just a big scam...and at the same time you become so sick that you can't walk without 5 different medication and that you might never be able to do the work you used to do...help other people...but you become one of them...one that you used to help.
That's why I earlier said...in this life you can only really trust your own face in the mirror...and maybe not even that cuz even your shadow leaves you when it's dark.
There is few very special people in my life and I know I will able to get myself back on track...it will just take a helluva lot more time than ever before.
I miss one of those peeps back in Los Angeles;West Covina...He showed me what life is all about, eventhough he might not know that...the kinda friend that I appreciate and love from the bottom of my heart...and I can trust him to always be there for me and listen to this aliens craziest stories about chainsaw crew fairys or else.
Ya...
I am a doomy sad fuck, but at least I admit that...
I am never gonna give up
Love,Peace In
RUE XXX
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I know that feeling so well... but better times will come for sure!