being alone is my worst fear that is now a real thing. i hate it. i hate that i am losing every piece of my mind that made me fun to be around and a worth a damn at work. i hate that i ruined things with someone i cared so much for. i hate the deep end of a horrible adult life. ill be 30 soon and i have nothing to show for it. i dont have the guts to kill myself but i wish something would do me in.