Wishing everyone a very happy Friday the 13th.....one of my fave days....unfortunately I just got home from work, but there is still a couple of hours left.
I have found a place to stay in Newcastle for the b4 Halloween night at the Cambridge....4 great goth / metal / industrial bands....such fun
Unfortunately mostly everything was booked out because of an amway convention.....STRANGE....but not the cambridge itself...ahhh, perfect.....
Lots of good things happening and some bad....that's the way it goes I guess....
ooooo, back in a bit....
back again, so here is the story of my emotional week. Ok, so i sometimes feel like a complete mess, i havn't spoken to my father for about 5 years.
Last time i saw him he had a gun and was acting paranoid and just generally freaked me out. Really scary, so I took out a restraining order. I didn't speek to him or see him in all that time.
Just so you can understand better, while i was at uni in Sydney, I came home one weekend ( about 10 years ago now) and he said he was going out for a ride on his harley and NEVER came back.yep.
My mother and I listed him as a missing person and advertised in all the major newspapers, "have you seen this man?" type of thing.
About 6 weeks after he disappeared when i got home from uni, he was on my doorstep. He was so sad, distraught. I was just plain mad!!. Anyway he had run off with a woman and things hadn't worked out, she wanted to go back to her husband. So she did. Did I mention that he stole ALL the joint savings in the back accounts? EVERYTHING.
So I was angry and confused, but as his daughter felt sorry for him. He lived with me in my studio apartment for around 2 months. I had to be the mediator, like "tell your mother this", "tell him that". He wasn't having a shower, he didn't go anywhere, he was depressed....
I tried to stay out for as long as i possibly could.
Anyway eventually my parents decided to try and work things out. He moved back home, into a seperate bedroom, put a lock an his door and got a seperate phoneline.
A mysterious woman would ring up and ask for him but never left her name.
I think they both tried to work it out, but after 35 years of marriage it was just too devestating.
I would get calls in Sydney, and have to listen to them argue and fight, like she was screaming that she would kill him and she had a knife up to his neck. So then I would have to call someone back home to go round and break it up. IT WAS HORRIBLE.
After about 6 months, mum kicked him out for good.
He said he moved to the maitland, newcastle, kindof area. But he never told me his address or gave me a home phone no. He just said it was a secret and that people were after him.
Probably about a year after seperating for good, i was in Newcastle for an interview, so i gave him a call on his mobile, i was allowed to have only that no. Still he wouldn't tell me where he lived, so made arrangements to meet him just off the bridge at HJ's.
I got there early, saw him park. I went over to the car and he opened the passenger side door and said, "Margarte meet my daughter, and this is Margraret the woman i have been living with.
WHAT THE FUCK??
I was in shock, had to sit and have small talk, while she made out that i was so bad for never contacting him, really bizarre.
I left and drove home, really upset.
Even when my mother's lung was punctured, I rang him, he arrived at the hospital gave her a hard time about the "unfairness of the divorce" ie, money and property. Came and saw me, stayed for about 10 hours, and sid he had to get back to wherever he lived to watch the football on tv.
DID I MENTION THIS WAS 3 DAYS B4 CHRISTMAS? I have no relatives that live near me, and no brothers or sisters. He handed me a $50.00 note and said, "here, but this is all the money i have in the world", so i just threw it back at him and he left............
Basically the divorce proceedings went on for the next 6 years. He lied, cheated, stole, forged signatures, etc, all the time still not telling me anything. and at the time I was really sick with a blood disorder, which he didn't believe and didn't help me out in any way.
I found out thru relatives that he had got married to the new woman and that they were living in Queensland. She had 3 adult aged children....nice....happy families.
Just really frustrating, when i asked him if he was married he said no. I said but my aunt and uncle were at the ceremony. "Oh technically we are not married, there is a mistake on the marriage certificate".
The truth really is so much stranger than fiction. I could never make all of this up.
So the last time I saw him he came to the house as usual after dark, just in case someone was after him, or watching????? I heard him sneak right around the outside and trying to open doors that were locked. And just as usual not knocking on the door like an average person, just the phone would ring " Hey kid I'm at the door"
So he came in, had the gun and I asked him to leave.
I followed him, cause he always had to park like 5 blocks away, paranoia again. I got the license plate no and rang the police.
Of course the license was not registered to anyone. How surprising? Not really he does that all the time to. Just like letters that arrive in like 4 different names, but it's all mail for him.
Anyway so I decided that this had all gone on for long enough. he is almost 65, and I just wanted to try and sort things out, and try and talk like 2 adults. So I called him on Friday nite and we talked. He drove about 8 hours to get here and see me. We had a really good proper talk, of course there are often no reasons or explanations for lots of things, but i just wanted to talk.
He has mellowed a little in the last 5 years, he listened, i listened to him, we both had things we wanted to say.....and now i feel like i can breathe properly again.
We have made the best of what we can. I am just so happy to have done this after so many years of sadness and anger. I actually feel fantastic.
That's the thing about families, you can't pick them, you don't have to like or love them, but this is certainly a reason why you were put together. Lessons to learn and all that. That's what I believe anyway....
Maybe i could write a book or a tv series? LOL...
And for something a little light hearted, here's some photos from a photoshhot i did a couple of weeks ago....
I have found a place to stay in Newcastle for the b4 Halloween night at the Cambridge....4 great goth / metal / industrial bands....such fun
Unfortunately mostly everything was booked out because of an amway convention.....STRANGE....but not the cambridge itself...ahhh, perfect.....
Lots of good things happening and some bad....that's the way it goes I guess....
ooooo, back in a bit....
back again, so here is the story of my emotional week. Ok, so i sometimes feel like a complete mess, i havn't spoken to my father for about 5 years.
Last time i saw him he had a gun and was acting paranoid and just generally freaked me out. Really scary, so I took out a restraining order. I didn't speek to him or see him in all that time.
Just so you can understand better, while i was at uni in Sydney, I came home one weekend ( about 10 years ago now) and he said he was going out for a ride on his harley and NEVER came back.yep.
My mother and I listed him as a missing person and advertised in all the major newspapers, "have you seen this man?" type of thing.
About 6 weeks after he disappeared when i got home from uni, he was on my doorstep. He was so sad, distraught. I was just plain mad!!. Anyway he had run off with a woman and things hadn't worked out, she wanted to go back to her husband. So she did. Did I mention that he stole ALL the joint savings in the back accounts? EVERYTHING.
So I was angry and confused, but as his daughter felt sorry for him. He lived with me in my studio apartment for around 2 months. I had to be the mediator, like "tell your mother this", "tell him that". He wasn't having a shower, he didn't go anywhere, he was depressed....
I tried to stay out for as long as i possibly could.
Anyway eventually my parents decided to try and work things out. He moved back home, into a seperate bedroom, put a lock an his door and got a seperate phoneline.
A mysterious woman would ring up and ask for him but never left her name.
I think they both tried to work it out, but after 35 years of marriage it was just too devestating.
I would get calls in Sydney, and have to listen to them argue and fight, like she was screaming that she would kill him and she had a knife up to his neck. So then I would have to call someone back home to go round and break it up. IT WAS HORRIBLE.
After about 6 months, mum kicked him out for good.
He said he moved to the maitland, newcastle, kindof area. But he never told me his address or gave me a home phone no. He just said it was a secret and that people were after him.
Probably about a year after seperating for good, i was in Newcastle for an interview, so i gave him a call on his mobile, i was allowed to have only that no. Still he wouldn't tell me where he lived, so made arrangements to meet him just off the bridge at HJ's.
I got there early, saw him park. I went over to the car and he opened the passenger side door and said, "Margarte meet my daughter, and this is Margraret the woman i have been living with.
WHAT THE FUCK??
I was in shock, had to sit and have small talk, while she made out that i was so bad for never contacting him, really bizarre.
I left and drove home, really upset.
Even when my mother's lung was punctured, I rang him, he arrived at the hospital gave her a hard time about the "unfairness of the divorce" ie, money and property. Came and saw me, stayed for about 10 hours, and sid he had to get back to wherever he lived to watch the football on tv.
DID I MENTION THIS WAS 3 DAYS B4 CHRISTMAS? I have no relatives that live near me, and no brothers or sisters. He handed me a $50.00 note and said, "here, but this is all the money i have in the world", so i just threw it back at him and he left............
Basically the divorce proceedings went on for the next 6 years. He lied, cheated, stole, forged signatures, etc, all the time still not telling me anything. and at the time I was really sick with a blood disorder, which he didn't believe and didn't help me out in any way.
I found out thru relatives that he had got married to the new woman and that they were living in Queensland. She had 3 adult aged children....nice....happy families.
Just really frustrating, when i asked him if he was married he said no. I said but my aunt and uncle were at the ceremony. "Oh technically we are not married, there is a mistake on the marriage certificate".
The truth really is so much stranger than fiction. I could never make all of this up.
So the last time I saw him he came to the house as usual after dark, just in case someone was after him, or watching????? I heard him sneak right around the outside and trying to open doors that were locked. And just as usual not knocking on the door like an average person, just the phone would ring " Hey kid I'm at the door"
So he came in, had the gun and I asked him to leave.
I followed him, cause he always had to park like 5 blocks away, paranoia again. I got the license plate no and rang the police.
Of course the license was not registered to anyone. How surprising? Not really he does that all the time to. Just like letters that arrive in like 4 different names, but it's all mail for him.
Anyway so I decided that this had all gone on for long enough. he is almost 65, and I just wanted to try and sort things out, and try and talk like 2 adults. So I called him on Friday nite and we talked. He drove about 8 hours to get here and see me. We had a really good proper talk, of course there are often no reasons or explanations for lots of things, but i just wanted to talk.
He has mellowed a little in the last 5 years, he listened, i listened to him, we both had things we wanted to say.....and now i feel like i can breathe properly again.
We have made the best of what we can. I am just so happy to have done this after so many years of sadness and anger. I actually feel fantastic.
That's the thing about families, you can't pick them, you don't have to like or love them, but this is certainly a reason why you were put together. Lessons to learn and all that. That's what I believe anyway....
Maybe i could write a book or a tv series? LOL...
And for something a little light hearted, here's some photos from a photoshhot i did a couple of weeks ago....
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Hope you are well ... you should join us for the gig this Friday, or yum cha on Saturday.