rubydoll

I take a shower and curl up in my bed around ten, hoping that when my head hits the pillow I would disappear into a deep sleep. What actually happened was that my neighbors decided to have a party in their room. The walls seem paper thin, though I was lead to believe they are made out of brick... I could hear everything, down each word and phrase. I figured that it would die down eventually and lay there in the dark thinking thoughts, when my roommate came in at eleven. Of course nothing had calmed down, so she tried to mimic my move. Didn't work for either of us. We just lay there tossing and turning. At twelve thirty I was so fucking angry that is shook all the sleepiness right out of me. Casey kept going in and out of shitty sleep, so she wanted me to go get the RA to tell them to shut the fuck up. ((sigh)) I couldn't do that. First off, I was just as loud last semester and the same neighbor use to always have to tell me to shut the hell up. Second, she never called the RA on us, and finally, that's just plain shitty especially if they had alcohol in there... I wouldn't want them getting evicted. So, I just lay there. Perhaps, I should have knocked on the door and said something, but I know it wouldn't have done any good when everyone is drunk and there are boys present.

Things didn't fall silent until well after two thirty and I didn't drift until that moment. I was contemplating throwing my whole room against the wall just to display my anger.. but I didn't. Next time I think I will just do the annoying thing of banging the wall, and if they don't quiet down then I will knock and ask them nicely and if they still are being assholes, then I am going to get the RA. I thought I was going to die when I had to get up at seven for my eight o'clock class.

Fucking assholes.

I love how hypercritical my neighbors and I are. We have completely switched sides and are angry as all hell. Who thought the girl that says to me "Hey, your music isn't really loud, but I can hear it..." would be throwing balls against her door at one in the fucking morning on a Sunday night?

I have so much reading to do today.

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I don't know which is more clique, celebrating Valentine's Day or making the statement that you don't because "hallmark made the holiday up and you don't need a holiday to show your love to someone..." blah fucking blah. I find the latter intensely more annoying. If you don't recognize it, why bring it up at all? And at that, why sullen the mood for those that do enjoy February 14th? It makes me mad when I see some girl/boy all giggly over the "holiday" and some asshole goes up to them and tells them why the holiday sucks and implies that the person is stupid for their romantic notions.

Like most say, it is just another day, but when shitty things are happening all over the world and tragedies are being stacked upon more tragedies, why would someone want to commit another by ruining such innocent sentiments? I don't really do anything to make this day special, but sometimes I wish I was all romantic and sentimental enough to be as excited as I see some people. Actually, I think it would be awesome if I still believed in Santa Claus.

I guess I am just sick of the anti-this or that, especially when it becomes a clique. It's only 1:45 and I've heard the speech about ten times already. The best part is that the person saying it tells it like it's never been considered before, as if they are starting a revolution!

It's so trivial. When it comes down to it, who cares? Thanksgiving and Christmas send a similar message, but you see those same anti-Valentine people celebrating those.

Not celebrating a holiday that symbolizes a time of genocide, such as thanksgiving, would be saying a lot more in my opinion.

It just seems to me that all our innocent enthusiasms, dreams, and imagination are constantly being ravished from us and I suppose we are all to blame.

At any rate... Happy Valentine's Day.


I think I am having a bad day.