rpatch

Here is a funny antecdote I wrote a few years ago. It may be true.

For some reason I seem to have memories of getting blow jobs from my wife a lot while we were dating. She has told me on several occasions that I am mistaken. I would have never committed myself for life to a woman who does not enjoy giving as much as I enjoy receiving. I think I may have been tricked.

There is just something about being able to lay back and watch a beautiful woman go at it. My favorite part of a woman's body is her face, always has been. I love it when my wife really gets into it. I have discovered that sixty-ninin' is the best way for me to get the most from a blow job. This is usually the only way to get my wife to actually want to give me head. Normally, she'll sigh a lot, she'll stop to remove lint that isn't there, she'll ruin the experience.

My favorite thing is cumming in her mouth. She doesn't seem to think it's so great. I don't care if she spits or swallows. I explain to her that it feels so good, that it is the best feeling. She doesn't care. I try to explain to her that it makes no sense to pull my dick out of her mouth when it is the mouth that brought me to climax. I also explain to her that I lust for every square inch of her body, why doesn't she lust for mine like that. If she really loved me, she would want to show me in any way I wanted. Again, she strongly disagrees.

We have been together for seven years, and in those seven years I have counted 11 occasions when she has let me blow my load in her mouth. The first is when we were dating. We were parked on a dark road, and she was up to "trying it". She gagged out of the car door, I should have taken that as a sign. I am fully certain it has been 11 times. I cannot remember any of the times in the middle except for two. Once just before I left for basic, I thought she handled it like a pro. Once again, just nine weeks later at the graduation ceremony at Ft. Benning, in the motel bathroom.

Let's jump to the 11th time. A few months ago, I devised a plan. My wife doesn't like to drink, but after going to the bar with a couple of her friends from work, she told me she discovered a new drink, and liked it. It's made with beer and five, yes five, shots of alcohol. 21 dollars later, I had the drunk bitch of my dreams in my bedroom. Some of you may already know this, but getting a wife drunk is like a delicate recipe. If she isn't drunk enough, she'll be mad for days. If she's too drunk, she'll pass out and be useless. I think I had the right mix.

I put it in her face and tested the waters. My idea for testing her drunkenness was to slowly slide my cock down her throat until she started to gag. I got it deeper than she normally takes it which means I have my window. Another benefit of drunk blow jobs is sloppiness. I love it that way. Things were going so good. The right amount of teeth, deep, warm, and she still looked hot from getting all dressed up earlier. All these details came to my mind at once, and made me lose it. Here it comes (cums).

I had jacked off a few times earlier that day, so it shouldn't have been too much. I was about three quarters of the way done, but then she pulled me out and jumped to her feet. She didn't say anything because you could tell she was concentrating on keeping her balance. After a few seconds, she wobbled to the bathroom. I heard no words, only spitting. It must have been perfect timing, because she had to pee. She did her business and was back in the bedroom after about three or four minutes. When she walked in the room, she looked at me and said softly in a sexy slurred voice, "I know what you did".

The next morning we woke up together and nothing was said. I took a shower, shaved, and got dressed. The perfect crime. I sat down for breakfast and she sat down too. I asked how she was feeling, she said she was fine. Just as I was feeling that I was in the clear.....

"Did we have sex last night?" she asked.

I tried to look like I couldn't remember and then said, "I don't know"

She got that squinty eyed, I'm thinking look. "So you did not cum in my mouth?"

"No, honey" I rubbed her leg to offer reassurance.

The same squinty look, this time I could tell it was less about thinking and more about anger, then she says "Really, then what's this?"

She reached for me and I started looking all over the place for photos, stains, or anything incriminating. And then I saw it.

Written on her arm, in sloppy blue ink, the words "he came in your mouth".

Busted. I'll be taking the pens and notebooks out of the bathroom.