i found a new love...the horror pops!
although listening to the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack is pretty great too.
overall my time in sacto was great. but two things got to me...
talking with my ex. the big ex. you know the kind, the kind that are so amazing and you swear you are going to be with them forever and then they rip your heart out..except he did that like 4 or 5 times in high school and i don't think i ever really fully got over him. seeing him and talking about old times wasn't exactly helpful. he said i looked amazing and he wanted to kiss me..that kinda made me want to and at the same time slap him and storm out. he is such a dick messing with my emotions like that. he knows that i still love him. you can't help who you fall in love with or who you stay in love with. i didn't kiss him. i couldn't. it would have killed me.
ok enough about him. number two. froggy. she is my best friend and yet sometimes i feel like i hate her. she bitched me out over the phone for not committing to making plans with her and yet she did that to me since i got there on wednesday. i guess the think that is bugging me is that she is changing. i feel like she is leaving me behind. sure she wants to hang out with me and was upset that i was out with other people and not her but at the same time i feel like i'm trying to keep pace with her and she is waiting for me but doesn't really want to and one of these days she is going to just keep going and not look back. the only way i can describe her behavior is ..yuppie? i know it happened over time but it feels like it happened all at once. like i moved away and she became someone else. i have always known her as froggy. last year she asked me to start calling her courtney again. i know she is just proud of her house, education, car, family and everything because she didn't grow up rich and has to work really hard to get where she is today....except wait...i'm not the person she met at valley media either. she doesn't know the same christie most others know. i feel like i have to put on an act for her or something. i can't fully be me around her because i feel stupid around her. ick so what kind of friend does that make me? i haven't been truthful with her for so long now. she doesn't know me anymore. and i don't know her anymore. and that hurts so much.
although listening to the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack is pretty great too.
overall my time in sacto was great. but two things got to me...
talking with my ex. the big ex. you know the kind, the kind that are so amazing and you swear you are going to be with them forever and then they rip your heart out..except he did that like 4 or 5 times in high school and i don't think i ever really fully got over him. seeing him and talking about old times wasn't exactly helpful. he said i looked amazing and he wanted to kiss me..that kinda made me want to and at the same time slap him and storm out. he is such a dick messing with my emotions like that. he knows that i still love him. you can't help who you fall in love with or who you stay in love with. i didn't kiss him. i couldn't. it would have killed me.
ok enough about him. number two. froggy. she is my best friend and yet sometimes i feel like i hate her. she bitched me out over the phone for not committing to making plans with her and yet she did that to me since i got there on wednesday. i guess the think that is bugging me is that she is changing. i feel like she is leaving me behind. sure she wants to hang out with me and was upset that i was out with other people and not her but at the same time i feel like i'm trying to keep pace with her and she is waiting for me but doesn't really want to and one of these days she is going to just keep going and not look back. the only way i can describe her behavior is ..yuppie? i know it happened over time but it feels like it happened all at once. like i moved away and she became someone else. i have always known her as froggy. last year she asked me to start calling her courtney again. i know she is just proud of her house, education, car, family and everything because she didn't grow up rich and has to work really hard to get where she is today....except wait...i'm not the person she met at valley media either. she doesn't know the same christie most others know. i feel like i have to put on an act for her or something. i can't fully be me around her because i feel stupid around her. ick so what kind of friend does that make me? i haven't been truthful with her for so long now. she doesn't know me anymore. and i don't know her anymore. and that hurts so much.
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I still think you rock though...sorry bout the whole froggy thing that sucketh big.
Thank you for a great weekend
I heart you big lots!@!!!
Sorry to hear about Froggy. It's a strange and sad revelation to hit that point where you feel that your friendship is growing apart. But you guys still have an amazing and special bond, just as you hope that she can respect the way you grow and evolve as a person (whether it's moving away or getting married or whatever), you need to love her and respect her wishes, even if it's to call her by another name. In a weird way, be proud of it - you guys made it through a lot together, it's probably through your relationship with her that she was able to get to the place where she is now.
It does suck that she wasn't able to commit to plans (and that she was upset when you couldn't), hopefully it was simply because her life is hectic right now and not because she was acting out or expressing her frustration when you had a hard time pinning specific things down.
So while it may seem sad, I don't think it matters much. Take a deep breath and ask yourself the question... do you love her? Because if you do, nothing else really matters. Never sweat the small stuff.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
:::whoosh:::